JUST ONCE.........

They say life is about compromises that you have no escape from,
and i m prepared for all of them but one.
They say life is about pain and sufferings,
i would face them all but one.
They say life is about relentless heartbreaks ,
i would bear them all but am helpless facing one.
They say life is about dying every single second,
i would love to die countless no. of times but i just wanna live once.
They say life is about some bitter truths that are better left unexplored,
i would dare not explore them all but one.
They say life is about some forbidden memories,
i don't mind not recollecting them all but one.
They say life is about some bitter experiences,
i still wish to move on,but reflect back on one.
They say life is about some unanswered questions,
still there's a silent desire to be answered just once.
They say life is about some unexplicable actions,
i won't care about them all but one.
They say life is about being aloof and alone,
i will face the brunt of solitude everytime except once.
They say life is about restrained emotions,
i will hide them all but one.
They say life is about doing your own things,
but i still wish to be suggested once.
They say life is about being heard aloud,
still i wish someone to understand silence just once.
They say life is about walking your own path,
still i wish to follow somebody's footsteps just once.
They say life is all about doing it right,
still i wish to make mistakes just once.
They say life is about winning the race,
i just want to lose waiting for someone to hold his hands,just once.
They say life is about broken bonds,
i m geared up to see them break all but one.
They say life is about being influenced by no one,
still i want to cry for someone just once.
They say life is about standing on ur feet,
still i wish to limp and fall just once.
They say life is about living every moment for urself,
still i wish to die every second for someone just once.

Just once and i will never ever ask for it all again,
Just let me live the way i wish to and i will never ever complain.............

AM LIVING IN UR AFTERGLOW........

"Here I am, lost in the light of the moon that comes through my window

Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses

It's you and the roses

Here I am, lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?

In between the longing to hold you again

I 'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control

My mind drifts away,we only have today

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow^

Heal me from all this sorrow

As I let you go I will find my way

I will sacrifice 'til the blinding day when I see your eyes

Now I'm living in your afterglow.........."

^An afterglow is a broad high arch of whitish or rosy light appearing in the sky due to very fine particles of dust suspended in the high regions of the atmosphere.

In terms of this song,afterglow refers to moving on after a person departs from your life or maybe from this world itself.The lyrics reverberate in ears giving a true sense of belongingness and affection to the extent that one can give his life to be with the one he loves.Rememberance of a person who is no more close ,and the singer floats in a journey of memories , some good and some bad .

Lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow.........speaks of the void that somebody's loss has created in the life of the protagonist . He is lost in the retrospection as he misses somebody really close ,but he doesn't care about the tide of the time coz he feels there is no tomorrow left to be taken care of,nothing big to be anticipated of since he has lost what mattered the most to him, the one he misses so much now.He is so much deeply moved by the loss that he can still feel the shadow of the person he loves and he just wants to get touched ,to be more exact, he just wants to feel the presence of that person once ,so that he may move on with the priceless moments that he spent with the one he loved................

Thus the song clearly depicts the longingness and the dire loneliness that grips the protgonist.

One of the unbearable consequences love puts you in-

When you are left wondering when you did become what you are now, how a person much like you ,changed the meaning of your life ,since when did u start feeling addicted to being with a person to the extent that you could not be happy and satisfied unless you told him/her that a dream of yours turned into a reality, since when did you start caring for him/her more than yourself,since when did u started losing that practical prospective that had kept you away from emotions and feelings till now.................

And then u r left feeling helpless because somethings are just unanswerable and take shape in some ways u don't understand how hard you fret and think about them.And ,you just give up thinking that you can't manage and what you can do is just avoid thinking........

And this is what we call another example of

"Some relations and some bonds made in heaven"

unkahi daastaan.......

Arzoo hai yahi is dil me mere,
Ki ho poore saare sapne tere.
Khush hoon main ki tujhe mila wo pyara sa saath,
Khushnaseeb hai wo,jisne thaama hai tera haath.
Par beech majdhaar me khud ko paata hoon main,
Andhera hi chaaron or,jahan bhi nazar uthaata hoon main.
Ek nami si hai aankhon me,par wo teri palkon ke motiyon si keemti nahi,
Par is gam ke chalte majboor hoon main,ki un motiyon pe ab mera koi haq nahi.
Ek pal me hanste hain,duje me rote hain hum,
Teri khushiyon ki aadh me bhi ye zaalim gam na hote hain kam.
Meri har karwat ke saath toot rahe hain wo sapne,
Jo poora to door,ab rahe hi nahi apne.
Akele hi andhere se ladh raha hoon har pal,
Kyunki dekhna hai baaki wo roshni bharaa kal.
Jab dil pe patthar rakhkar karunga teri widaayi,
Ek hi to hai sahaara jeene ka ki maine apni dosti poori tarah nibhaayi.
Jab hoga wo tere saath beeta har ek pal paraaya,
Widaayi hogi un ret ke mehlon ki jo main kabhi tujhe dikha na paaya.
Kal se tere sapne kisi aur ke honge,
Aur teri dosti ke meethe pal ek beete hue daur ke honge.
Hai bas yahi gujaarish ki rahe tera chehra sadaa khilkhilata,
Tere jeevan ke akaash me rahe hamesha har taara timtimaata.
Us akaash ke saaye me rahoon main har pal,
Aur aaye meri veeraan zindagi mein bhi ek sundar sa kal.
Jise thaame kat jaaye wo lamhe anjaan,
Aur fir se is jeevan ka maqsad ban jaaye kisi ki muskaan……..

QUESTIONS GALORE........

I have set down on writing something not just for the sake of writing but somewhere,deep within,I have sort of started missing writing something everyday.It gives me a strange sense of satisfaction to give a life to some of my deepest desires,illusions,my perception of the things around me or to be precise the effects of the external stimuli to my thinking,and some vague thoughts that keep knocking the doors of mind like a storm,taking into grips whatever consciousness I try to develop while these thoughts are at rest.I have always been happy with the way I have been, Living upto each day as it comes,setting goals at every step,sometimes winning over them makes me elated and overjoyed but at other times,I am left fretting and regretting my failures,which,ofcourse,with time,fade away and become a part of “not a part of my destiny “ area of my subconscious mind keeping me assured and self satisfied for the while.
But,somewhere,somehow,I have come to realize that all of this is just so useless.Am I really happy with the way I am living?? Setting limits and confining myself to them,setting those boundaries of morals and standards that have been putting me off so many times to the extent that I have lost confidence in my actions, sometimes crossing those so called limits and feeling guilt and punishing myself in ways I myself don’t understand. Yeah, I am moving on and learning new things,meeting new people everyday,developing newer bonds ,trampling some of my dreams due to my duties, making those silent wishes everyday, looking upto each day as a new beginning, taking wrong decisions and learning through them....
But I am tired of moving on.....I am tired of finding those truths about myself that unravel some new dimensions to my life every single second , those useless clarifications that I have to make to people to live upto their expectations,those promises I have to make unwillingly, those moments when I sacrifice myself to make others happy ,hiding those feelings from others hoping they understand, those realities that I come across everyday,tired of explaining some of my actions that end up getting misunderstood and my efforts to carve a niche and being happy altogether.I am tired of thinking hard about everything....

But who cares.....Nobody.Because everybody expects and from those expectations stems up dependence and we start looking for an emotional support in someone whos ready to listen to our woes,find solutions for them,patting our backs in our feats,sympathizing with us in failures,and making us feel that he/she is always there and that’s what we probably call understanding each other!But when people don’t understand ,u get hurt.

But, again , who cares....Nobody.Because,you may not be important for the one who is godlike to you as he/she may be looking upto somebody else for that emotional support thay you seek in him/her.
And ,like this ,goes on an untold tale of finding those truths about life that we just find philosophical but which concern each one of us and daunt us time and again...

And, amidst all this, I find myself getting late for the blissful sleep that will help me shut off my brain till I wake up to find a beautiful morning and hiding behind its veils, another round of some strange questions that will haunt me tomorrow...........

Ek Atoot Rishta....

Ek pyara sa rishta jo hai sirf apna,
Haqeeqat na sahi,dekha to milke ek sundar sapna.
Dooba rehta hoon har pal khayalon me tere,
Wo lamhe,wo pal jinko samete beette hain din raat mere.
Sochta hun jab tum na the tab bhi khush the hum,
Jab muskurahaton ke kono me chupe the gam.
Par ab to muskurahaton se hai choota har naata,
Hasne ki har koshish ka nishaan ,yaadon ke lehron se hai mit jaata.
Aur in lehron me behte jaate hain hum,
Saahil ki talaash me kuch anjaan gehraiyon me khud ko pate hain hum.
Kyunki tumse hi seekha hai humne gum me muskuraana,
Ye muskurahat hi to hai tumhe har pal yaad rakhne ka bahaana.
Main jaanta hoon tumhari har majboori,
Wo unkahe shabd, jinki wajah se hai ye doori.
Ehsaas hai mujhe kyun dil milte milte reh jate hain,
Kyun palkon ke ghere me simte aanson mujhe dekhte hi beh jate hain.
Jaanta hoon main ki tum bhi kahin baithi ho gumsum,
ki har pal na chahte hue bhi mujhe hi sochti ho tum.
Yakeen hai mujhe ki tum bhi roz us andhere ka saamna karti ho,
Waqif hun main,kaise tum roz jeekar bhi marti ho.
Samajhta hoon main ab doori hi hai mera naseeb,
Zehen me ata hai khayaal ki main hoon tum bin kitna garib.
Tumhaara diya har ek gam hai har wo nazraana,
Jise samete rakhte hue tumse kiye har vaade ko hai nibhaana.
Par chehron ki bheed me sab kuch thehar jaata hai,
Jab tumhaara wo rota hua chehra saamne aata hai.
Aur har gam se ladkar bhi main ek gam se haar jata hoon,
Jab tumhe mere liye har pal bechain aur pareshaan pata hoon.

A WORTHWHILE AUTO RIDE......

Today again , I felt the same flow of thoughts going on inside me as has happened many times before whenever i travel within my city in an autorickshaw,which happens rare now.A sudden sense of concern and pity grips me tight and floods my mind till i reach the destination,after which ,ofcourse,it fades away because i am so preoccupied to think about it again.If the auto is filled with passengers to its full capacity,these thoughts dont dare make their way into my mind but if the auto i m travelling in is nearly devoid of passengers,just one or two of them, i start feeling bad for the autowallah.Most of the times,it so happens that i start putting myself into his shoes and what follows is a feeling of guilt and helplessness - that as a passenger,or let's say on the grounds of humanity,as a human being,i can't really help the autowallah in his quest for more passengers in his auto...

His eyes and his actions speak aloud his dire need to get more passengers to save himself some money from this ride,to make his both ends meet...The longingness and the restlessness as he drives past the other autos competing for every single passsenger,his eyes asking for a ride from every single person on the roadside,the frequent gaze that marks the approach of every single stoppage,the extinguishing hope that shows on his face as the end of the ride starts daunting him,the drop in his pitch or rather his determination as he calls for passengers at the stoppages say it all...I find it so easy to relate with his condition, somehow, and then arrive those vicarious feelings of what really can be done about it.And after much pondering ,i always conclude that the lack of education is the basic reason for this problem and many others that we overlook everyday amidst our busy and monotonous schedules.....But,the reality that stands upright among all odds is that millions of people who are fighting every single day for the bare necessities,face inadequacy and poverty heroically,though its very hard for them, but they have not surrendered and its their temerity and their undying spirits that keeps the nation moving.....obviously,other view could be of people dying because of hunger and malnutrition,but most of us have already been a witness to the gloomy side of the problems facing India today and we already know what to do but the problem lies only in implementation....And amidst a storm of thoughts like these invading my mind,i find myself hurrying down the auto,since my destination has arrived and i just leave all these thoughts till my next ride as i move out of the auto........A silent wish from my side that all his rides may be passenger packed ones as i pay him the money,and i find that familiar sound of the engine fade away as i gear myself up to cross the road......