My new blog

 Never had i thought i will be into reading again.But thanks 2020 and boredom, here we are.

Well, i did a thing- i started documenting my thoughts/opinions on what i soaked from books i am reading/read recently.

heartypearlsofwisdom.blogsot.com

This blog will see a more polished version of which concepts i noticed,and brought along with me once i completed reading a book.

The new normal!

So many emotions right now. However much i talk and discuss about this recent virus pandemic,i cannot get over the magnitude of iis spread and impact on the world. Thought words and my blog could come to my rescue as always in clearing my head for a while .While i am not much of a prayer but what's happening to the world makes me pray -for people to survive this, for my family, friends and those people who i read about in the  social media.

What did we do that few weeks back, those cold,snowy,mundane,busy days of juggling work, kids classes and life again, turned into warm, breezy, mundane,vain days of wai ting it out and encountering second hand pain on reading accounts of people suffering?
Two weeks back, i was up and about everywhere-stores,work,classes, friends place and all of a sudden, am everywhere- through my thoughts, watching videos of the people around the world, fighting the same thing,  seeing beauty in small things and standing together in their own ways.

What did we do that it has come to creating distances to be safe? That if you dont self isolate, you could be taking one/more lives?

What did we do that going to public places scared us more than anything? Believe me last week i went for grocery shopping and i swear to god i have never been so scared my entire life.

What did we do that it has come to a war against nature ,our soldiers being the doctors, nurses, grocery workers ( thanks to them we still have food on our tables) and almost everyone who is working right now amidst lockdown to make this world a better place as many many of us suffer  somewhere- only to go without a goodbye?

What did we do to overwhelm and highly burden  those who took an oath to reduce our suffering- that all i see is doctors  admitting to be  scared, exhausted tired and almost giving up?

Why did some of us do to  deserve such a cruel end - no goodbye,no physical touch, without friends and families besides us?

What did we do to make mother nature this angry on us? Or is it so? Was it past due?
If not why now?


I keep thinking over and over that nature cannot be this brutal.
Is it so ? If not, from where did this fate meet us all?

When will be our 'before' life be back? Is this the new normal? If yes, this new normal is going to be full  of bruised and lonely hearts, fearful minds, hungry stomachs, testing times and cold days without the warmth of touch and physical proximity.

Am scared of this new normal more than the virus itself.
Am scared of losing more people, in my city my state, my world.
Am scared of having so many hearts break, so many families disrupted and so many lives lost.
Am scared of people losing jobs.


But ..
I am happy to see people united virtually in these times.
I am happy to see our leaders taking critical,record breaking steps to save us all..
I am happy to see people following orders and helping flatten the curve.
I am happy to see life turning normal in China
I am happy to spend time with my family.
I am happy and proud of our doctors and nurses
I am proud of the strength i see in everyone who is staying home and staying positive
I am proud to see so many people helping others in these tough times....


What are you scared of and happy about in these unprecedented times?

My Reflections

As i finish the only book i have read since ages, i cant help but introspect.
Cant help but thinking about you.
Such beautiful concoction of words and emotions ,carefully picked to represent how we miss our loved ones, yet we let 'our' ego drive our actions at times.


You have been a distant yet close part of my heart as far as i can think of.Now that am so busy in nurturing my small family in a country miles apart, ticking like a clock between work and home and back again, i cant help but wonder- childhood was truly a gem.How, you were so argumentative and funny at same time, with a charming face of a naughty kid ,always thinking of what mischief to do next.
How you would bicycle around the house, before listening to my constant reminders to call mom from the nearby under construction home-our to be home, which she used to supervise during the day.
How you would play and play, and when compared to with me, would sulk and get angry at me for studying so much or setting a benchmark for performance.
How you, once had your foot bleeding while playing in rain with me outside.
How Mom brought you in,so anxious, having you lay on your arms, while you covered with red stains of blood,  running to take you to doctor as you lay dizzy and unaware that you had an accident while riding your bicycle.
How we fought at every opportunity available.
How you a 2 year old, would cling to me when i would be ready to go to school and demand to be taken to school with me?  We have a picture which Papa cared to click. By the way thats one of my favorite pictures of all time.

And how we would fight on god knows what and not speak for what felt like ages- me taking the opportunity to use this to focus on my 12th board and thinking now i can study hard without getting interrupted by him :-D
How we would mutter "huh" at each other as we passed- boarded the same bus- being in same school and still not uttering a word to each other? I do remember it all.
How finally i had to speak first to put an end to our long,cold war- didnt come as a surprise to me as you have always been strong willed, decisive and stern!

And years later, chitchatting a lot when i would come for brief periods , while you in college and we would talk for long ,over Maggi and teas.
I still remember being told that you cried a lot, once i set to find a new home- married and left India soon after. My heart felt pain and to my guilty a surprise that i did matter that much to you.
To see you both during Vidaai and hugging you and you both performing rituals with me, i felt so proud, happy and sad at same time.
I still remember you everytime i see your Ganesha idol that you gifted me from your Ladakh trip, and i take it with me everytime i find a new abode.
Last time i was in India for long, we discussed about each others' lives and life in general and i felt that am really missing on my loved ones, by staying in USA.
How last time we met, you felt so happy like a small kid when i offered you the small gift i brought for you?

How i have spent time, mediating fights between you and Mom, only to be left helpless or victorious at other times.
I remember much more than words could ever tell.


When did our worlds change and we became so busy carving our own lives that i can't remember the day we 3 sat together and chatted heartily?
Now it's our kids getting together, that makes us happier.
And i just wish for 'our' worlds to be happier and calmer, by each passing day.

How i wish i could tell you that in you, my brother, i see my childhood, i relate my earlier self to, as you are the one i grew most closely in time with. That though you both are my strengths, somewhere my scale shifts towards you most of the times, what  with a list of bitter sweet memories still so fresh in my mind that i wonder has so much time really passed since then?
And in a blink of an eye, i realize ages have passed and as though our gray hairs couldn't tell, i think if ever our children will have a fun, care free childhood we all had.

Bucket list!

In an attempt to convert my rusty, old blog that eats, breathes and lives "love" and emotions so much that as i read through it, i see posts talking on and on about them, i hereby make an attempt to make it as real as i can.
And i start with my bucket list:

• Get Tattooed- Not the first in sequence, but listing it as i can tick it( Huge grin :-D) I am a brave owner of 3 small tattooes and i love each one of them. In the process, i inspired DH to do the same :-P
• Travel to Santorini- This year, i tell myself !
• Travel as much as i can- I feel extensive travel is still a far reaching goal but let's see life!
• Trek to Mt Everest- I can't say when-probably when i am free of motherly duties and my princess is older enough to survive without a mom just in case :-P
• Confessions- Could be any ,maybe to my school crush who i secretly admired for a long long time( and never ever talked- talk about butterflies in stomach!)
• Have more fun moments with friends!
• Write a book- No idea when this is happening.
• Do something i love  a lot-with my life -could be picking up hobbies or just having load of "Me" time away from facebook and other time consuming and focus draining things i do on most days apart from my daily tasks :-P( one being following groups on fitness and doing nothing about it except watching people get fit)
• Be in the best shape of my life- This i say to myself every year and with each passing year  as i write this- i am moving farther away from this one:-D
• Be my daughter's best friend and letting her be a free bird- Am a typical mom, always juggling between trying to "fit in" by letting my daughter take her own decisions at 4 to continously mumbling and urging her to eat, drink and do all such tasks every parent worries about, endlessly. 

I guess enough for now till i get back and fill more !!

Dear Diary!

Dear diary,

Yesterday i watched DDLJ after ages, ( i am not a fan of repeating movies - more like a one and done person except if something touches my heart) and i was mesmerized to say the least.

The movie seemed to bring back memories of the kind of love everyone spoke about- the kind of relationships i saw flourishing among my college friends, the simple silly crushes me and i my friends used to rave about and the lovey dovey couples i used to see in college/school.

In the 10 odd years that passed, what has changed so much that i don't see that "expression of love" that would make me go week in the knees? I see that "love" so rare in movies-let alone real life.

Did my "view" change now that am married and busy juggling between myriad roles in one day- a  paranoid mom always after her daughter to ensure she obliges and eats/drinks/stays well or a confused professional, running from one meeting to another and trying to understand zillions of things happening in workspace , or a lazy wife who takes the easy route cooking simple meals with less spice to have a piece of mind in each busy day ? 

or did everyone  and everything change around me- it sure is the latter.In our busy busy world of gadgets and facebook, we are all busy projecting a better side of ourselves, that we do not realize the need to have those moments which involve:

• tirelessly caring for each other 
• Being so much in each other's lives that anything can wait- to be with them means the world and everything else is secondary
• Despite the pressures of our life clock ticking each second, we take out the time to listen, empathize and uplift each other

Do we still see innocent love? The love that believes so much that it travels miles to make things happen- the love that trusts and moves mountains? In our new world of  gadgets where apps like Tinder-help people take shortcuts to find/lose the love/companionships they are seeking, I wonder if we are losing on charisma and warmth the relationships of pre-smartphone era brought to all of us??

Something to ponder!!

Have you ever gone back  retrospecting the 'old' days? not just good but the not so good ones too
Have you ever thought how life was then, and now you have millions of memories to pen.
That first crush in school whom you couldn't stop thinking about,
and embarrased you feel, remembering that you were a child so chubby and stout.
Those years in school, trying to stand apart,
Those nights of studying/sleeping over a pile of books, working so hard.
The school friends,gossips,reserving seats on school bus,
The dreaded morning assembly,when you knew a missing coat button and the P.T. Teacher would make a fuss.
The simple,innocent college days of doing nothing,
of sleeping in boring lectures, and mass bunking.
When you didnt even know all your classmates -guys by their face,
Sometimes mistaking one of them as your senior,what a phase!!
And then came the first job, the new shining world of people and places,
Since you grew up, money, promotion and so on-running along for your consecutive chases.
And see how far along, we have come,
winning some,losing some and keeping some.(Pun intended!!)

I wish speaking my heart out to some people,
to that guy who thought i am not good enough,
Or to that first crush, that he ringed a bell.
I want to pat my back for those hardships, when  i rose up everytime i fell.
To Hug those friends whose words uplifted me all the time,
To thank those amazing buddies  with whom i had a whale of a time.
To give a shout out to those roomies, who still bring a smile,
To call those people who matter, that i haven't met in a while.

 "
Thanks to you all, it has been a nice ride..
To the few who went ahead, to those left behind and  the ones who chose to be at my side..
I am still twisting,turning and bumping along,
 dancing at times to  my own song.
Till one day  the wheels give up on me,
Till then I will be looking upon thee.."

The Star of my life!

Yes, i am a 'mother'!! With 7 months of memories,surprises, crazy days, wakeful nights  has come millions of years worth of true love, a love which i could never feel before . In those four toothed smiles lies my world of happiness,in those naughty acts lies my humour and in those adorable kisses by my princess,lies the reward of my hardwork.

 Truly said,when you become parents, you discover true love, the one where you give without any intention of taking anything in return.

Motherhood is great...
P.S.: The post is short but dedicated to my little pumpkin.