My new blog

 Never had i thought i will be into reading again.But thanks 2020 and boredom, here we are.

Well, i did a thing- i started documenting my thoughts/opinions on what i soaked from books i am reading/read recently.

heartypearlsofwisdom.blogsot.com

This blog will see a more polished version of which concepts i noticed,and brought along with me once i completed reading a book.

The new normal!

So many emotions right now. However much i talk and discuss about this recent virus pandemic,i cannot get over the magnitude of iis spread and impact on the world. Thought words and my blog could come to my rescue as always in clearing my head for a while .While i am not much of a prayer but what's happening to the world makes me pray -for people to survive this, for my family, friends and those people who i read about in the  social media.

What did we do that few weeks back, those cold,snowy,mundane,busy days of juggling work, kids classes and life again, turned into warm, breezy, mundane,vain days of wai ting it out and encountering second hand pain on reading accounts of people suffering?
Two weeks back, i was up and about everywhere-stores,work,classes, friends place and all of a sudden, am everywhere- through my thoughts, watching videos of the people around the world, fighting the same thing,  seeing beauty in small things and standing together in their own ways.

What did we do that it has come to creating distances to be safe? That if you dont self isolate, you could be taking one/more lives?

What did we do that going to public places scared us more than anything? Believe me last week i went for grocery shopping and i swear to god i have never been so scared my entire life.

What did we do that it has come to a war against nature ,our soldiers being the doctors, nurses, grocery workers ( thanks to them we still have food on our tables) and almost everyone who is working right now amidst lockdown to make this world a better place as many many of us suffer  somewhere- only to go without a goodbye?

What did we do to overwhelm and highly burden  those who took an oath to reduce our suffering- that all i see is doctors  admitting to be  scared, exhausted tired and almost giving up?

Why did some of us do to  deserve such a cruel end - no goodbye,no physical touch, without friends and families besides us?

What did we do to make mother nature this angry on us? Or is it so? Was it past due?
If not why now?


I keep thinking over and over that nature cannot be this brutal.
Is it so ? If not, from where did this fate meet us all?

When will be our 'before' life be back? Is this the new normal? If yes, this new normal is going to be full  of bruised and lonely hearts, fearful minds, hungry stomachs, testing times and cold days without the warmth of touch and physical proximity.

Am scared of this new normal more than the virus itself.
Am scared of losing more people, in my city my state, my world.
Am scared of having so many hearts break, so many families disrupted and so many lives lost.
Am scared of people losing jobs.


But ..
I am happy to see people united virtually in these times.
I am happy to see our leaders taking critical,record breaking steps to save us all..
I am happy to see people following orders and helping flatten the curve.
I am happy to see life turning normal in China
I am happy to spend time with my family.
I am happy and proud of our doctors and nurses
I am proud of the strength i see in everyone who is staying home and staying positive
I am proud to see so many people helping others in these tough times....


What are you scared of and happy about in these unprecedented times?

My Reflections

As i finish the only book i have read since ages, i cant help but introspect.
Cant help but thinking about you.
Such beautiful concoction of words and emotions ,carefully picked to represent how we miss our loved ones, yet we let 'our' ego drive our actions at times.


You have been a distant yet close part of my heart as far as i can think of.Now that am so busy in nurturing my small family in a country miles apart, ticking like a clock between work and home and back again, i cant help but wonder- childhood was truly a gem.How, you were so argumentative and funny at same time, with a charming face of a naughty kid ,always thinking of what mischief to do next.
How you would bicycle around the house, before listening to my constant reminders to call mom from the nearby under construction home-our to be home, which she used to supervise during the day.
How you would play and play, and when compared to with me, would sulk and get angry at me for studying so much or setting a benchmark for performance.
How you, once had your foot bleeding while playing in rain with me outside.
How Mom brought you in,so anxious, having you lay on your arms, while you covered with red stains of blood,  running to take you to doctor as you lay dizzy and unaware that you had an accident while riding your bicycle.
How we fought at every opportunity available.
How you a 2 year old, would cling to me when i would be ready to go to school and demand to be taken to school with me?  We have a picture which Papa cared to click. By the way thats one of my favorite pictures of all time.

And how we would fight on god knows what and not speak for what felt like ages- me taking the opportunity to use this to focus on my 12th board and thinking now i can study hard without getting interrupted by him :-D
How we would mutter "huh" at each other as we passed- boarded the same bus- being in same school and still not uttering a word to each other? I do remember it all.
How finally i had to speak first to put an end to our long,cold war- didnt come as a surprise to me as you have always been strong willed, decisive and stern!

And years later, chitchatting a lot when i would come for brief periods , while you in college and we would talk for long ,over Maggi and teas.
I still remember being told that you cried a lot, once i set to find a new home- married and left India soon after. My heart felt pain and to my guilty a surprise that i did matter that much to you.
To see you both during Vidaai and hugging you and you both performing rituals with me, i felt so proud, happy and sad at same time.
I still remember you everytime i see your Ganesha idol that you gifted me from your Ladakh trip, and i take it with me everytime i find a new abode.
Last time i was in India for long, we discussed about each others' lives and life in general and i felt that am really missing on my loved ones, by staying in USA.
How last time we met, you felt so happy like a small kid when i offered you the small gift i brought for you?

How i have spent time, mediating fights between you and Mom, only to be left helpless or victorious at other times.
I remember much more than words could ever tell.


When did our worlds change and we became so busy carving our own lives that i can't remember the day we 3 sat together and chatted heartily?
Now it's our kids getting together, that makes us happier.
And i just wish for 'our' worlds to be happier and calmer, by each passing day.

How i wish i could tell you that in you, my brother, i see my childhood, i relate my earlier self to, as you are the one i grew most closely in time with. That though you both are my strengths, somewhere my scale shifts towards you most of the times, what  with a list of bitter sweet memories still so fresh in my mind that i wonder has so much time really passed since then?
And in a blink of an eye, i realize ages have passed and as though our gray hairs couldn't tell, i think if ever our children will have a fun, care free childhood we all had.

Bucket list!

In an attempt to convert my rusty, old blog that eats, breathes and lives "love" and emotions so much that as i read through it, i see posts talking on and on about them, i hereby make an attempt to make it as real as i can.
And i start with my bucket list:

• Get Tattooed- Not the first in sequence, but listing it as i can tick it( Huge grin :-D) I am a brave owner of 3 small tattooes and i love each one of them. In the process, i inspired DH to do the same :-P
• Travel to Santorini- This year, i tell myself !
• Travel as much as i can- I feel extensive travel is still a far reaching goal but let's see life!
• Trek to Mt Everest- I can't say when-probably when i am free of motherly duties and my princess is older enough to survive without a mom just in case :-P
• Confessions- Could be any ,maybe to my school crush who i secretly admired for a long long time( and never ever talked- talk about butterflies in stomach!)
• Have more fun moments with friends!
• Write a book- No idea when this is happening.
• Do something i love  a lot-with my life -could be picking up hobbies or just having load of "Me" time away from facebook and other time consuming and focus draining things i do on most days apart from my daily tasks :-P( one being following groups on fitness and doing nothing about it except watching people get fit)
• Be in the best shape of my life- This i say to myself every year and with each passing year  as i write this- i am moving farther away from this one:-D
• Be my daughter's best friend and letting her be a free bird- Am a typical mom, always juggling between trying to "fit in" by letting my daughter take her own decisions at 4 to continously mumbling and urging her to eat, drink and do all such tasks every parent worries about, endlessly. 

I guess enough for now till i get back and fill more !!

Dear Diary!

Dear diary,

Yesterday i watched DDLJ after ages, ( i am not a fan of repeating movies - more like a one and done person except if something touches my heart) and i was mesmerized to say the least.

The movie seemed to bring back memories of the kind of love everyone spoke about- the kind of relationships i saw flourishing among my college friends, the simple silly crushes me and i my friends used to rave about and the lovey dovey couples i used to see in college/school.

In the 10 odd years that passed, what has changed so much that i don't see that "expression of love" that would make me go week in the knees? I see that "love" so rare in movies-let alone real life.

Did my "view" change now that am married and busy juggling between myriad roles in one day- a  paranoid mom always after her daughter to ensure she obliges and eats/drinks/stays well or a confused professional, running from one meeting to another and trying to understand zillions of things happening in workspace , or a lazy wife who takes the easy route cooking simple meals with less spice to have a piece of mind in each busy day ? 

or did everyone  and everything change around me- it sure is the latter.In our busy busy world of gadgets and facebook, we are all busy projecting a better side of ourselves, that we do not realize the need to have those moments which involve:

• tirelessly caring for each other 
• Being so much in each other's lives that anything can wait- to be with them means the world and everything else is secondary
• Despite the pressures of our life clock ticking each second, we take out the time to listen, empathize and uplift each other

Do we still see innocent love? The love that believes so much that it travels miles to make things happen- the love that trusts and moves mountains? In our new world of  gadgets where apps like Tinder-help people take shortcuts to find/lose the love/companionships they are seeking, I wonder if we are losing on charisma and warmth the relationships of pre-smartphone era brought to all of us??

Something to ponder!!

Have you ever gone back  retrospecting the 'old' days? not just good but the not so good ones too
Have you ever thought how life was then, and now you have millions of memories to pen.
That first crush in school whom you couldn't stop thinking about,
and embarrased you feel, remembering that you were a child so chubby and stout.
Those years in school, trying to stand apart,
Those nights of studying/sleeping over a pile of books, working so hard.
The school friends,gossips,reserving seats on school bus,
The dreaded morning assembly,when you knew a missing coat button and the P.T. Teacher would make a fuss.
The simple,innocent college days of doing nothing,
of sleeping in boring lectures, and mass bunking.
When you didnt even know all your classmates -guys by their face,
Sometimes mistaking one of them as your senior,what a phase!!
And then came the first job, the new shining world of people and places,
Since you grew up, money, promotion and so on-running along for your consecutive chases.
And see how far along, we have come,
winning some,losing some and keeping some.(Pun intended!!)

I wish speaking my heart out to some people,
to that guy who thought i am not good enough,
Or to that first crush, that he ringed a bell.
I want to pat my back for those hardships, when  i rose up everytime i fell.
To Hug those friends whose words uplifted me all the time,
To thank those amazing buddies  with whom i had a whale of a time.
To give a shout out to those roomies, who still bring a smile,
To call those people who matter, that i haven't met in a while.

 "
Thanks to you all, it has been a nice ride..
To the few who went ahead, to those left behind and  the ones who chose to be at my side..
I am still twisting,turning and bumping along,
 dancing at times to  my own song.
Till one day  the wheels give up on me,
Till then I will be looking upon thee.."

The Star of my life!

Yes, i am a 'mother'!! With 7 months of memories,surprises, crazy days, wakeful nights  has come millions of years worth of true love, a love which i could never feel before . In those four toothed smiles lies my world of happiness,in those naughty acts lies my humour and in those adorable kisses by my princess,lies the reward of my hardwork.

 Truly said,when you become parents, you discover true love, the one where you give without any intention of taking anything in return.

Motherhood is great...
P.S.: The post is short but dedicated to my little pumpkin.

Just another day!

Just ended a sad sad movie 'August: Osage county' and after a bunch of slow songs, i am here,after long.This time too,have nothing in mind except some hazy lil memories, some recent,some old.

Memories,they never leave you,no matter what you do,wherever you go.That you choose to preserve some all the time is a different story.But they do remain,somewhere in your mind,crystal clear.

Talking of crystal clear,will talk of the movie here.Liked the movie but it had so many loose ends.

So much pain,helplessness, and yet a hint of reality embedded deep within each small loose end.Such is life,we can't always have everything and by a fair chance,as soon as we get close to having almost everything,we make stupid mistakes and create reasons to be unhappy.

 I always wonder if i could adore whatever i have each day.I realize some days that the world is so beautiful and everything around me is so wonderful, but i wish i give such vibe often.

I wish to make my days brighter and happier but come each day-the hustle bustle,and the crazy measures to survive and whoosh,these simple thoughts vapourize.

I have seen people,so full of life and so happy,within their small worlds, and i wonder,does something ever pester them?

 

Been there,done that!

Could have been my exact state of mind,had i achieved what i was hoping for!Still,some victories come far too difficult than you expect them to!Never mind, there's always a tomorrow!But i just hope that i retain the desire to achieve the same things over time and work for them.Because persistence is always easier said than done.The title of this post, came through to me as someone's FB status who achieved the same goal i wished for,sometime ago.Hoping to land in same feet,i guess i underestimated myself earlier and didn't do well,relying on last minute preparations.
Well, lets see how it goes,if only i plan a next time!!

Till then,theres always tomorrow!

If you are a writer!

If you are a writer,you can never get lonely,
If you are a writer,you rejoice reading deep,twisted lines having simplest of meanings.
If you are a writer,you end up writing pages with a single thought in mind.
If you are a writer,you catch hold of your blog when you  feel sombre,
If you are a writer,you don't want to repeat words(i am hating repeating the first few lines,but thats the way it is supposed to be ).
If you are a writer,you apprehend things too deeply too often(which isn't required sometimes :-P).
If you are a writer,your words are self assuring many a times,
If you are a writer,you love it when your literary skills are put to test.
If you are a writer,you pen things down just when you feel you are not at your best.
If you are a writer, you end up creating beautiful write-ups in extremes( when you are too happy or too sad) or probably feeling too technical(for the geeky bloggers).
If you are a writer,you would never let go of your blog completely
If you are a writer, you dream a lot, think too much and say too little about your dreams.
If you are a writer,you are amazed every time you look at your past blogs.
If you are a writer,you see the world with your own picture every time you write something.

If you are a writer,you agree with me in at least some of the things mentioned above :-D

Talking for the sake of it!!

We humans are strange creatures.We just train ourselves to see,listen,remember,speak,forget and move on.But our "words" remain.They say,"You can't get back what you have said,so mind your words!" Indeed,but wish it was simple.Wish there was a rewind button or much better a mute button,which we could all press,when upset or in anger or maybe just talking for the sake of gossiping, and then unmute when we were done.Wish it was that simple!

I sincerely feel regret,lots of it when i think about a friend,who probably overheard me speaking about something and turned our friendship sour.It breaks me heart every time i think about it.Happened for the first time and left me feeling terrible! I had found a very good friend in her,and just when we were about to get close,my stupid gossips made me lose her.I chose not to discuss anything and we both just drifted apart. At times,i did think of talking to her about it but then,i wondered,she might not understand,as she didn't know that much about me.Well, the fault was all mine!Such is life,every moment is precious and has a worth of its own.But then,i guess,we don't have the choice at times.Life gives us handful of people to choose and carry along and situations,pure situations out of nowhere ,decide who and how we carry some of our friends along,no matter what!

women!

It has been a heavy day.Too much to absorb,heard something about a friend which deeply moved me from within and led me to question life,relationships and introspect if running after our goals is all worth it? Whatever, such heavy stuff makes me sad and detached. A random news update on TOI, about how sadly women in the country are treated,almost everyday,is enough to propel you in the sinking sea of awareness and empathy. I feel a mixed set of anger and sadness developing within me when i hear stories about how cruel men ,think and act as if  they possess the women in their life.Well, society,blame it! I love U.S. culture in this regard and feel happy that women here are independent,happy and stand for themselves.Everyone works for himself or herself and speak up when they need to. Back in India,the fear of rejection from society,dependence on husbands for money,future of children, and x number of factors force women to stay indoors and tolerate injustice, which is unjustified most of the times.I watched the movie ' Lunchbox' recently and liked the subtle lesson the movie hints at. Blessed i feel,to be raised up in an encouraging environment and to be surrounded by people who have always let me be free, who have let me think and act on my own always.

Glittery!

Just like the theme in blog shows up,every one wants their life to be glittery and all golden.Atleast i do.What does my blog background remind you of? For me,it makes me remember festivals,carnivals,celebration, a romantic proposal,a beach side shack with dance and music,a holy temple studded with beautiful lights, a retro film,a reading room with a cozy cushion to lie down and read a book, beautiful me.Many many things.That is the power of mind.One small thing and millions of memories.And so is Deja Vu,it seems like it happened when it didn't,ever.Happens in my dreams,though.I remember family,friends in myriad ways, and such funny stories, that i fail to recollect the  weird details after :-)

Well,coming onto glitter,wish life could be just like that, a glittery background and a centre piece in between,such that whatever it is,it is always overshadowed by the glitter.And somehow strangely i remember  these lines from one of my  favourite movies :"hum sab to rang manch ke katputhliyaan hain jinki dor upar vale ki ungli pe bandhi hain kab kaun kaisa uthega yeh koi nahin batha sakta hai"

And yet,we dare to dream,every day!

Want to write fiction 55 but all i can think is sad surprises.Want to end in a positive note,though.


It was raining hard when she began shouting  at autowallah to stop.It halted with a screeching sound of water splashing at her dress.It was her first day at work.Looking at her watch all the way long, she got out hurriedly.He said "Life is short,have fun".Now,she is always smiling.




No idea how it was.

Haphazard Dots!

I have just put together watever came to my mind into a poem.Does that or doesnt that make sense?
Go  figure.

"I wanted to fly,but  they wont let me try,
The rain is falling outside,and am left to dry.
Two sides of coin,do they put things at ease,
when you are cold,you really don't need the breeze.
What to do and not to do,
Colors of life-  Red or blue?
Haven't you been focussing on the red dot all along,
you kept chasing it and it took you so long.
And when you are near,you discover that its the blues you have been chasing so far,
You are torn between two worlds- just at the wrong hour.
Millions of ticks late, you have lost your hour,
New clock to look at,you have come too far.
Hold on,coz the cycle repeats,
There will be many chances,till your heart beats."

Solitude

 Solitude brings out the best in you or may bring out the worst,if not channelised properly.Our mind is a big genius in itself and our heart is second to none either.While the mind has the power to think,overthink,analyze and comprehend-destructively or constructively, our ever-beating heart has a capability too,to control our thoughts.It is easy to shut those parts of mind which produce destructive thoughts and we all do it,frequently,knowingly or unknowingly. Coming back to solitude,i have on my mind an example of a lady i met at a library near my place,an year ago.She visits the library frequently and volunteers in events and reading clubs etc.I met her at one such volunteer event, and i found her to be quite a shy and a very very hard working person.While we were working together,she kept on working quietly and put her 100 % without taking a break,which really made me appreciate her and ask  her about the reason for such dedication.And she told that years ago,in her youth,she used the resources of the library quite often and the books and other materials have helped her a lot in her career,and so she feels obliged to pay back for the good the library had done to her life.I was touched by the thought so deep yet so simple.In our rush to jump miles,we forget where we have come from and we hardly care, about the small things that have contributed in making us a better person.And here she was,at her old age,having problems,yet making it a point to pay back to the community.Another time,i asked about her family and she said that she doesnt have one.It was painful to hear that she lives alone.Wonder,how god decides on what to give and what not to give to a person??Does he make a list of do's and dont's? Whatever, i just wish everyone stays peaceful the way they are !

Nostalgia!

Everytime i come back to my blog,i am filled with a nostalgia and a lil bit of consciousness.Mostly, a feeling deep down that although by each day,there's a part of me growing old, learning new things, more on the lines of "with age comes experience", some of my initial writings still depict  past states of my mind. States of my mind and a multitude of random thoughts at random moments, some of which are lost completely.But the writeups remain.  Basically, writing is a powerful form of speech,silent but much more powerful and logical than speech. Such is power of your thoughts,  that they create impressions in your mind before you blink an eye and you either hold on to them or let them go. Anyways,i don't have any agenda on my mind as always and am here to put my foot back on my page.


Let the grey cells work a bit and guess the subject of the below lines:

"What do you think and what you do,
No one knows,except for you.
Why don't you trust the heart when you should,
In a moment,you change "will" to "could".
And it becomes so difficult to choose the paths you lay,
leaving me alone to think while you make hay."


Mind,which keeps ticking all along, never stopping and over thinking just when it should relax(probably doing the opposite unless you know how to chill despite anything and everything :-))!

I feel lost after such a big break in writing...:-\

Healthy and Hearty!

This blog is a silly rambling of my pleasant surprises,in the foreign lands/India of people becoming all the more aware and strictly conscious of their health and mainly contains my experience of them,hitting the gym.

So, while i am totally free these days, i make it a point to go to the gym and try to maintain the serious attitude towards gymming, all credits to my husband and his unending love for fitness and the gym. Inspiration comes from within and at times, from those you love. After reading myself say yes/no/maybe ,while i make up my mind on whether i really want to go for the workout, i wearily get ready and get out before the laziness gets me.A 2 minute walk down, i am right there, and the gym is mostly swarming with people.Mainly ladies, who,after their husbands are gone for work, kids having left for school, after being  done with calling their families,friends or relatives,get some "me-time" and take up the charge to be in shape.Some of them,weared out by their daily chores, walk on the treadmills,in a mundane manner, and give up after few minutes,heading back to some pending daily chores,the list never ends, i tell you :). While some, i call them mini inspirations,run,run and run,pacing forth, altering their speeds,just enough to burn the right amount of calories,in right time limits.Who says women don't do their homework? High intensity cardio followed by crunches and stretches,some people,just do it all perfectly and set great example and inspiration for others like me, to be regular and sweat it out.Now that i am regular and  a regular runner,i feel proud somewhere,sometimes :-p.But cheers to some aunties and uncles who in their mid fifties and sixties,turn up in the gyms almost everyday at their designated times, work upto their strengths and brave the next generation gap each day,setting examples for the youth.To sacrifice sleep and see the morning bliss.And i am pleasantly surprised.And as i return back home and see some senior couples on the way,holding hands,walking together,slowly and peacefully, i feel glad and happy for them.And i am pleasantly surprised yet again.An year ago, in a popular gym, i used to attend an aerobics class early mornings.And i was regularly accompanied by some ladies,who had daughters of my age, working at some aerobics steps, much better and consistently,than i and many others did.I was inspired,truly. Memorizing aerobics steps,a bunch of them,took me some days,and thanks to some lessons by some of those ladies themselves, i started loving those classes.Though aerobics didn't work, thanks to my erratic work schedules back then ,and many other excuses,but it still showered me with lots of inspiration to work upon fitness.And many sessions of standing next to senior people,running on treadmills and cardio workouts later, i feel that inspiration is always around,you just need to look past yourself.

And thanks to unlimited doses of such inspiration, i feel fit,beautiful and confident by each day.Ofcourse,hard work and much of it paid too :)

And finally Justice!!

So, we got the much sought after justice today,@ 7:30 am.Yerwada Jail,Pune,India.Kasab is hanged. How i come to know of the news-Facebook.Ironically,news travels faster than Ajtak/TOI or our local newspaperwallah through over virtual avatars,on facebook where we live a second life,atleast most of us and am in the list ,somewhere in the middle .
Nov 26,2008. Mumbai is shattered.Shooting,hostage,crisis and tales of horror somewhat later.166 people killed.Ajmal Kasab is caught, of the other 9 responsible for shaking peace in one of the fastest cities of the country. Interrogation,hearings and years of VIP treatment. The common man is grinded all the more, over the yearly budgets,to shell out more and more to feed some killer mouths. The average middle class man stoops in his early forties now,thanks to inflation,unemployment,peer pressure, sky rocketing prices and an endless list of etcetra, leaving him no time to think of health/peace. Well, besides all these terrible details,almost 4 years later, today,the verdict of Mumbai attacks comes into effect,hushed and undeterred. Kasab is no more and people are cheering of victory.Justice has  finally been done,4 years of patience being paid off. Eyes of those who lost their dear ones,have lit up for a brief moment, in admiration of government's efforts to pay homage. They will finally be moving on,soon ,with the last bits of some harsh memories, lying somewhere in a Pune jail,have been put to sleep. But is it really justice?? Are we really happy or are we fooling ourselves? It is not denying that it was a wake up call to take the long pending action against Kasab but a big question still looms.How many like these still need to be executed?How many more Kasabs are lying in Indian Jails,enjoying and eating away the hard earned money of the taxpayer?How many case files, gathering dust,are lying somewhere hidden in corners of cupboards,some of them speaking aloud to be identified and looked at,before its too late?How many cases which fall in the category of "smaller ones" need to be addressed on time?Shouldn' t we swear justice  so fast and strive for settlements before the people who seek justice,breathe their last. Shouldn't we produce more lawyers? Err,honest lawyers.Shouldn't we set examples so that those hands never become strong enough to commit heinous acts.While i applaud the Indian government for taking a big step and setting a much yearned for example,that Justice arrives,better late than never, I wish and hope that next time around,Justice comes,with the batteries of system recharged and wish there be a new sunrise,each day,for someone,somewhere,waiting for it so badly.

No idea how it works :)