Its Diwali today!! The excitement that was visible in me when i left for home has faded by this time. Something is somehow amiss.The festival this year is not the same.I am not sad over anything in particluar neither i am too happy to be celebrating.Is it the growing unrest over my distorted interest in my job, or is it the hopelessness of not being able to move back home,now that m tired of living out,or is it a fact that things are not same?No idea.Just blank.I am not looking forward to anything big taking place in near future.There is no reason to be much happy for whats in store in few days.Work is boring, life is just okay and there are no miracles happening anymore.Getting used to be taking decisions on my own has been a tough task for me always.I think and think over opportunities and options and come back finally to where i was one day before .So, it kinda doesnt help me.Sometimes,I wonder what takes me back in taking bold desicions or even the smallest ones.Probably,lack of self confidence,fear of failure, pessimism,fear of losing hope or what?None of them.Something else, i dont know.Maybe god knows..:)
Anyways, at times, i find myself at extremes of emotion-sad, happy and gloomy.Typical cancerian,U know!!:)
When i am sad, m very sad, when i feel lonely, i feel so insecure and like crying and cribbbing,when i feel happy, i make others laugh.. :)
Anyways, that was me and by end of this post, my happy mood has regained momentum so i must move and see whats happening in house..
Silly me..:)

Festival Of Lights

The lamps are lit, the shops are decorated, there is a sweet smell of fresh sweets in the air, the people are in a hustle bustle with loads of gift wrapped packs of dry fruit and sweets to be delivered in a hurry.The view at night is all the more fascinating.The light of erathen lamps, light bulbs and ladian or chinese lights has belittled the darkness of amavasya.Its a big, bright night devoid of silence.The undending noise of the burning crackers is speaking loudly, the arrival of victory of Rama, the welcome ceremony of laxmi/dhan in households.The bells and chants are heard from every home.The crowd thronging the temple, laxmi-ganesh Pujan and the traidtional jalebi and milk doing the rounds is filling the air with sacred pride.We, the Indians,take pride in celebrating one of the most famous festivals of all times,Diwali!!
May every home be lighted today and may everybody have a smile on their face!!

O re manwa tu to bawra hai!!

Tu hi jane tu kya sochta hai bawre, jo barse sapne boond boond, naino ko moond ke..kaise me chalun , dekh na sakun, anjane raste, gunja sa hai koi ektaara....Rut hai ye dol pal ki ya rahegi sada, kise pata!!


How beautiful and meaningful.... Ohk, this is again a blog which glorifies the meaning of the amazing song from Wake up Sid, but it was worth giving it a shot!!
Ah..i will try not to bring up those stories of emotions again, try not promise.. :):)

Heart, man, dil, pagal...so many names of the beautiful relationship maker and breaker( Lol) Heart!! how beautiifully captured are the above lines, centered around the heart, the actions that one takes all dependent on what heart says. risk being that if things dont turn the way they should, u cant blame anybody else except u and ur heart ofcourse!! (Lol)

Yes, the context here is that even from the darkness of an uncertain future, not thinking of consequence,, people fall into love, to fall or rise for that matter, all credit/blame going to their desicions and ultimately to heart/mind(Read follow ur heart/mind) .
Often, when we think logically, we land up in safe investments, of time, love and effort.
But if we follow our hearts, we enter a risk Zone, shared by both you and the one you love, both subsiding fear of losing each other, ultimately coming up from fear which turns into a trust.Here, the workds depict the same feeling of fear, of walking in dark and capturing the light of love, confused as to whether the light is true or not...
Beautiful, isnt it..Now next time you hear the song, i bet you will find more meanings of the song!!

The good bad bye!!

The thought of this bye thing has been creeping in my mind since this evening.I have felt the " Bye syndrome" millions of times so finally decided to convert it into words.

So, so, so..Ever felt a tinge of pain and loneliness saying that Bye as a phone conversation ends with your dear ones..Ever felt a surge of momentarily sadness at putting down the receiver?Ever felt it difficult to speak those last words"Take care " as you end a lovely relationship? Ever felt a Strange sensation as a person u like a lot, departs to his own woven world, saying you "Bye , Stay in touch" ???If the answers are yes, you arent the stone hearted man/woman you think you are..:-)

Jokes apart, i just mean to capture that beautiful moment of realisation. realisation of a seperation, a detachment from what was on your mind and heart few minutes r years back, as the case maybe!!Dont know whether it happens with all or not, but happens a lot with me.I talk to my family often but at times, that "Bye" makes me feel nostalgic and lonely, makes me realise that i am far from them, i am not an active part of their world, or when talking to a friend after missing her a lot, that "Bye" makes me remember the times of bonding, or when in a difficult situation and turning upto friends for sympathy calls( read funny but true),the " bye" there makes me feel that howver close they can be, they can never fight in a way your inner strength can...Also, bidding farewell to people i know, makes me feel strange,detached and makes me realise that i will be building my survival mechanisms somewhere else, leaving behind memories, places, things and all......

Sounds hopeless, doesnt it..:)

But truth is that, emotions reside in every heart.Everybody feels the hurt.Everybody blooms with happiness at success and acheivement,.Everybody mourns the loss of something or someone dear.But, the intensity is different.The way energies are chanelised is different.The rescue operations, i.e. how to cope factor determines how strong or weak one is..
But they say, to each his own, so let it be..:)
Life is all about variety...Millions of people, trillions of emotions..:)
Bye take care

Dil Haarey Pukarey....

Ankho se jab bhi ho teri ankhen judaa,
man se jo bhi tera man khafa,
to jee pukarey, bulaye tujhe....
dil haarey pukare tujhe,man ja re mana le mujhe....

Everytime i listen to the beautiful beats of guitar followed by the heart mellowing lyrics, my mind wanders to the beautiful world of music, reinventing my belief that music is where i belong, music is what i should have pursued and music is which can do wonders, taking me to a different world altogether!!
The charming beats with stimulating effects of a painful odessey, or a joyous tale of love, or be it a nostalgic anecdote crafted into words indicating farewell or reunion intoxicate me with emotions.Simply beautiful!!Once, i was singing songs with my roommates during late hours and somehow, my mind came up with the above song, and i started singing it.
I enjoyed it a lot and still have the video of me singing the same, and when i look at it, i feel like a star.. :-)
Jokes apart, i wrote this up, just to share wat i feel about music..That music can heal, music can make u smile, cry, to be with yourself, to befit yourself in situations, to dream and to relate with...Sometimes, some songs written by lyricists become accidental life stories for some..Sometimes, uncertain ideas when presented lead to beautiful nuances and become hits...
Thats what life is..Nothing is constant except uncertainty..

Behind the doors of shahjahan..

Chowringhee...


Recently,I got a chance to read a beautiful novel Chowringhee, courtesy my nice colleague Rajiv who has a part in keeping my reading habits alive by providing me with his new, crsip novels.
The novel was based on the 'not so bright as it seems' life in one of the best hotels of calcutta,Shahjahan.The novel shows the dark side of High society and the darkness behind the courteous exchanges as seen by an advocate, who is offered a receptionist job in shahjahan due to job crunch. The author,Shankar Sinha has beautifully shaped the eventful history and darkness behind the glitz and pomp of the lively hotel, shahjahan, standing erect since ages.The novel had a multitude of characters , all gripped by fate to be living an unchosen life with smile on their faces.
It was heartening to read about the hostess Karabi Guha, Sohrabi, at the bar,the Bar dancer Connie and his poor brother Lambredta , the Singer, i dont remember the name. :) And last but not the least,the account of Bose da, my favourite character , a serene, pure at heart, mature and affectionate person, and Sujata, the charming air hostess, was very heartening and literally made me cry..

The manager has been portrayed as a shrewd, heartless fellow who ran the hotel well, his demenaour being a talk of the town among the hotel workers.But, his tormenting past, lovelost as he was, he gets a chance to bind the remaining tattered pieces of his life...

There has been a detailed account of the furtive visits of a very big socialite, in the wee hours, who at all times manages to keep her indecent endeavours at a hush from his businessman husband, who trusts her blindly.
Chowringhee has truly opened new visions to what lies beneath glitz and celebration at suites and hotels. And next time i visit some hotel , i am surely gonna stare and make what is there to the people attending to the guests.

Aj din chadeya tere rang warga....
By Rahat Fateh ali Khan

"Baksha gunaho ko
Sun ke duwao ko,
Rabba Pyaar hai,
Tune sab ko hi de diya...........

Meri bhi aahon ko
Sun le duwao ko
Mujhko woh dila
mene jisko hai dil diya....

Manga jo mera hai
Jata kya tera hai
Mene kaun si tujhse jannat manga li
Kaisa khuda hai tu
Bas naam ka hai tu
Rabba jo teri
itni si bhi na chali....

Chahiye Jo mujhe
Kar de tu mujhko ata

Jeeti rahi saltanat teri
Jeeti rahe ashiqui meri

Dede mujhe zindagi meri
Tenu dil da vasta....."

The mesmerising lyrics insitill me with a beautiful feeling of achievement -to be hearing such beautiful words.Hats off to the lyricist who has done a superb job.The song is a innocent prayer by a true lover to god/Rab asking for him to write his destiny , with the girl being a part of his life..He very beautiful and innocently like a 1 yr old kid asking for his favourite toy,expresses his lifelong wish to get the girl he loves the most.He sweetly complains to god that as he forbids everybody, giving them love in life, similarly, he should be listening to his constant prayers and his sincere wait should be over now...
Rabba mere naam kar use, tenu dil da vasta....
How beautiful , isnt it??

The following lines of song symbolise his dogged determination and true love and the beauty lies in the harmless complaint that he puts forth before god :


Manga jo mera hai
Jata kya tera hai
Mene kaun si
tujhse jannat manga li..

People ask god for selfish and worldly desires, dreams ,ambitions to be fulfilled..and here is this poor sweet guy who falls in love, yet believes god to show him way at every sep he takes.

He has strong belief in god, yet tries to push Rab to bless him wih love soon, by challenging :

Kaisa khuda hai tu
Bas naam ka hai tu
Rabba jo teri itni si bhi na chali.................
Then his heart pours out his true feelings...he wishes that his supreme power may rein the world endlessly, and his love may bloom for ages..

It feels great to hear such a refreshing and true to heart melody of true love, mixed with a childlike innocence....
Hats off to indian Music...:-)