My Reflections

As i finish the only book i have read since ages, i cant help but introspect.
Cant help but thinking about you.
Such beautiful concoction of words and emotions ,carefully picked to represent how we miss our loved ones, yet we let 'our' ego drive our actions at times.


You have been a distant yet close part of my heart as far as i can think of.Now that am so busy in nurturing my small family in a country miles apart, ticking like a clock between work and home and back again, i cant help but wonder- childhood was truly a gem.How, you were so argumentative and funny at same time, with a charming face of a naughty kid ,always thinking of what mischief to do next.
How you would bicycle around the house, before listening to my constant reminders to call mom from the nearby under construction home-our to be home, which she used to supervise during the day.
How you would play and play, and when compared to with me, would sulk and get angry at me for studying so much or setting a benchmark for performance.
How you, once had your foot bleeding while playing in rain with me outside.
How Mom brought you in,so anxious, having you lay on your arms, while you covered with red stains of blood,  running to take you to doctor as you lay dizzy and unaware that you had an accident while riding your bicycle.
How we fought at every opportunity available.
How you a 2 year old, would cling to me when i would be ready to go to school and demand to be taken to school with me?  We have a picture which Papa cared to click. By the way thats one of my favorite pictures of all time.

And how we would fight on god knows what and not speak for what felt like ages- me taking the opportunity to use this to focus on my 12th board and thinking now i can study hard without getting interrupted by him :-D
How we would mutter "huh" at each other as we passed- boarded the same bus- being in same school and still not uttering a word to each other? I do remember it all.
How finally i had to speak first to put an end to our long,cold war- didnt come as a surprise to me as you have always been strong willed, decisive and stern!

And years later, chitchatting a lot when i would come for brief periods , while you in college and we would talk for long ,over Maggi and teas.
I still remember being told that you cried a lot, once i set to find a new home- married and left India soon after. My heart felt pain and to my guilty a surprise that i did matter that much to you.
To see you both during Vidaai and hugging you and you both performing rituals with me, i felt so proud, happy and sad at same time.
I still remember you everytime i see your Ganesha idol that you gifted me from your Ladakh trip, and i take it with me everytime i find a new abode.
Last time i was in India for long, we discussed about each others' lives and life in general and i felt that am really missing on my loved ones, by staying in USA.
How last time we met, you felt so happy like a small kid when i offered you the small gift i brought for you?

How i have spent time, mediating fights between you and Mom, only to be left helpless or victorious at other times.
I remember much more than words could ever tell.


When did our worlds change and we became so busy carving our own lives that i can't remember the day we 3 sat together and chatted heartily?
Now it's our kids getting together, that makes us happier.
And i just wish for 'our' worlds to be happier and calmer, by each passing day.

How i wish i could tell you that in you, my brother, i see my childhood, i relate my earlier self to, as you are the one i grew most closely in time with. That though you both are my strengths, somewhere my scale shifts towards you most of the times, what  with a list of bitter sweet memories still so fresh in my mind that i wonder has so much time really passed since then?
And in a blink of an eye, i realize ages have passed and as though our gray hairs couldn't tell, i think if ever our children will have a fun, care free childhood we all had.