I have set down on writing something not just for the sake of writing but somewhere,deep within,I have sort of started missing writing something everyday.It gives me a strange sense of satisfaction to give a life to some of my deepest desires,illusions,my perception of the things around me or to be precise the effects of the external stimuli to my thinking,and some vague thoughts that keep knocking the doors of mind like a storm,taking into grips whatever consciousness I try to develop while these thoughts are at rest.I have always been happy with the way I have been, Living upto each day as it comes,setting goals at every step,sometimes winning over them makes me elated and overjoyed but at other times,I am left fretting and regretting my failures,which,ofcourse,with time,fade away and become a part of “not a part of my destiny “ area of my subconscious mind keeping me assured and self satisfied for the while.
But,somewhere,somehow,I have come to realize that all of this is just so useless.Am I really happy with the way I am living?? Setting limits and confining myself to them,setting those boundaries of morals and standards that have been putting me off so many times to the extent that I have lost confidence in my actions, sometimes crossing those so called limits and feeling guilt and punishing myself in ways I myself don’t understand. Yeah, I am moving on and learning new things,meeting new people everyday,developing newer bonds ,trampling some of my dreams due to my duties, making those silent wishes everyday, looking upto each day as a new beginning, taking wrong decisions and learning through them....
But I am tired of moving on.....I am tired of finding those truths about myself that unravel some new dimensions to my life every single second , those useless clarifications that I have to make to people to live upto their expectations,those promises I have to make unwillingly, those moments when I sacrifice myself to make others happy ,hiding those feelings from others hoping they understand, those realities that I come across everyday,tired of explaining some of my actions that end up getting misunderstood and my efforts to carve a niche and being happy altogether.I am tired of thinking hard about everything....
But,somewhere,somehow,I have come to realize that all of this is just so useless.Am I really happy with the way I am living?? Setting limits and confining myself to them,setting those boundaries of morals and standards that have been putting me off so many times to the extent that I have lost confidence in my actions, sometimes crossing those so called limits and feeling guilt and punishing myself in ways I myself don’t understand. Yeah, I am moving on and learning new things,meeting new people everyday,developing newer bonds ,trampling some of my dreams due to my duties, making those silent wishes everyday, looking upto each day as a new beginning, taking wrong decisions and learning through them....
But I am tired of moving on.....I am tired of finding those truths about myself that unravel some new dimensions to my life every single second , those useless clarifications that I have to make to people to live upto their expectations,those promises I have to make unwillingly, those moments when I sacrifice myself to make others happy ,hiding those feelings from others hoping they understand, those realities that I come across everyday,tired of explaining some of my actions that end up getting misunderstood and my efforts to carve a niche and being happy altogether.I am tired of thinking hard about everything....
But who cares.....Nobody.Because everybody expects and from those expectations stems up dependence and we start looking for an emotional support in someone whos ready to listen to our woes,find solutions for them,patting our backs in our feats,sympathizing with us in failures,and making us feel that he/she is always there and that’s what we probably call understanding each other!But when people don’t understand ,u get hurt.
But, again , who cares....Nobody.Because,you may not be important for the one who is godlike to you as he/she may be looking upto somebody else for that emotional support thay you seek in him/her.
And ,like this ,goes on an untold tale of finding those truths about life that we just find philosophical but which concern each one of us and daunt us time and again...
And ,like this ,goes on an untold tale of finding those truths about life that we just find philosophical but which concern each one of us and daunt us time and again...
And, amidst all this, I find myself getting late for the blissful sleep that will help me shut off my brain till I wake up to find a beautiful morning and hiding behind its veils, another round of some strange questions that will haunt me tomorrow...........
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