Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Moon washed hours
1:40 am .Pin drop silence except the slow motion of fan and keys of my laptop's keyboard.Some dizzy noises of dogs barking somewhere.A peaceful room.All my flatmates sleeping by this time.I am half sleepy.My mind doesnt want to stop.Brimming with innumerable questions. Wish to meet him.The God/mentor/fate or whatever you may call.Want to trace out whats next.I am not bored, not dejected, not defeated, not in despair, not in loss.But, a bit lost.The mood swings can be well blamed.Or the new place, lack of much people whom i know.Or maybe i am missing the people i used to derive happiness from.People around me are all good, thanks to god.But i am not me at this moment.Missing something.Reading lots of blogs.Finding it difficult to kill time at times.Feeling i am wasting a lot of precious time.Need to study but just can't.Not in a mood at all.Want to head straight to CCD just in front of my flat, alone or with a group of friends,imaginary thought. :-) Foolish me, dreaming big time.Felt like i acheived a feat sometime back.But, did i really? The tough times are here to come.Need to focus, work hard and show some grit and confidence.Need to synchronise my mind and my actions well on time.Need to console, assure myself of decisions i make from time to time.The place is great, people are cool.But a loneliness gripping me tight.I never try fighting it out.The evening walks down the building are great, refreshing but missing the magic. Missing the happiness i feel everytime i go for a walk with the air brushing against, the beauty of green and children playing, me smiling at cuter ones.. :).Feeling a concern for family, on and off.Feel like taking a step back.Dont want to lose the pitch but something there still grips my mind. Some confusions still biting at times.Life of people around is so simple, they are waking up in the morning, busy with office, returning and sleeping on time. But, for me, night is an old friend.Hope to sleep well, be at peace, stop feeling weird at some points of time.Hope to be the same me, happy with myself and things i do.Hope to be at peace soon.I know i will turn it into a transient phase..I know i will emerge soon..I know i will see the light soon...
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3 comments:
heyy..u kno wht i feel nw this happens to all..even m goin thru the same phase i feel nd a bit distressed too..jus tryin my hard to overcum evrythin,surfin,readin enormously, xplorin ,tryin hell lot of things, a question often kills me is dat why it's happenin to me..why can't we hold the steering of life in r hands, bt then i think, it's wht the life wants to teach us, n we shuld face it calmly, living each of its moments..i mite sound here too out of subject, bt still dnt kno why m writin endlessly..u shud just think dat life 's demandin sum time, so chill yr..everythin gonna b gudd..aal izzz well ..:)
PS: u r using a fan..my goodness..am freezing here..sahi hai yr..:)
mansi dear... i love the way u write. i have always loved this simple and honest heart to heart talk. and ur write ups are simply all about that. i can relate to them.
keep writing dear. :)
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