!!

wish there were symbols than words,undecipherable,unreadable and unjustifiable. Missing confidence that things are fine and i will win over odds. I can win over my hurdles but not somethings which arent in my zone.Just wish to look up and ask him,"till when?" Till when will i keep troubling the most important people? Am no fairy,neither godly but cant i be granted one wish,happiness,not for me but for her,and for him.Am i moving too ahead of them or have i left them behind?No answer.Arent sincere wishes granted? Dont know.Do i care?No more.But i do,just for the reason that some important people in my life do.Am i being abstract?Wish i would have been more abstract than ever.Love exists?Hardly,not in the forms we want but in forms which are logical,practical and unquestionable.Does time turn its tide?Hope so.What happens when nothing goes in place and no dream you have had comes true since you blinked that eye long time back?Nothing,you move on with a lost heart,lost goals and some lost smiles.But,you do move on.For what? New dreams,goals and smiles.This time around,the degree and probability lesser than before.Is love blind?Not at all.Does it hurt? No,depends.Does it take time to forget and forgive?A smile on your face makes it better.Can you fake smiles? Try and tell.When do you stop crying? When tears feel tired or when you feel smiling is better? Latter.

So,go smile,have fun,make the most of it,stop worrying about destinations,love the path,love people who bless your life,try for everything that seems exciting till you can say"I did my best",Cry when you see something emotional,feel the pain and live your happiness,overcome your self,dance your best and your worst at times,coz life is once and that once is your life!!
Years later,when you are there,looking above and making a wish,it should go like "Thanks for such a life,i want the same life again!!"

Miss someone!Do you???

At times when it occurs to you that you've been moving all alone,all along the way, fighting,winning,losing,smiling and crying,all alone,do you wonder if its the choice you made for yourself?Or are you overthinking?Or maybe tired of walking alone?When you cross a road,alone,and see a child holding his mother's hand, shouting,smiling and his mother pretending to be angry on him,dont you miss your mom?Dont you miss seeing her and hugging her whenever you want to,to sob on her shoulders after a bad day,to just keep quiet and let her understand that there is a sadness in your eyes,only with the way you talk.Or maybe you miss her when once in a blue moon,you talk to her endlessly about your problems,forgetting not to end up making her worried by your stupid worries,not asking for solutions,just feeling the need to blurt out all,though you know she understands every time you end up with a fake goodbye.
Dont you miss your best friends who understand by the way you reply to their mails,that you have been taking too much on you.Dont you just end up missing them most when they listen so patiently at your stupid stories,your dreams that too know wont be true anytime, and still manage to boost you up,and at the same time,help you overcome failures so well.Dont you miss your grandpa when he calls you up just to know how you have been all the time and when are you going home,just making you realise that you are ruled by work,not you.Or your brothers when they bother to ask you every other day about how are things moving,just when you know that you have to fake it as if you are so happy,that you feel like a clown.Or dont you miss times which made you happy,and let you forget all the worries which are nothing but just some over-thoughts.Dont you miss a colleague,much like your brother,who before going abroad, bothers to ask you "not to get worried and be happy always" :-) .Or the people who say that you make them smile and make their life beautiful.:-)Or the childhood memories,when you and your happy family completed your world.But you dont miss the tears,which end up welling at wrong times,always,do you?And your face,that tells it all however hard you try to fake that you have been so so happy!Or the times when you feel like a kid,feeling guilty for showing your sad part,to people who wont ever care to even think about you twice.

We miss people,times,places but we learn to survive,and accept all that life has to offer,with some dreams hidden deep within,knowing they wont come true,coz who gets everything anyways.God cant be fulfilling every wish,could he be!:)And when you forget the things you want,you no more care they reach you or not,coz this was what life was supposed to be,making you happy when you least expect it to be..!!

Last prayer!!!!

Wanted to see if i can still play with emotions through words.:-) Came up with this somehow while waiting for an interview call !!
Silly me!:-)

"I am a dot,while you are much more than a lot.
I am nothing more than a lost chance,whilst you are as elegant as the last dance.
Everytime i smile,you hardly care,while everytime you smile,look at me,i mumble a silent prayer.
To you,i am a stranger in the dark,ridding me of darkness,you are my lucky spark.
I go nuts when you make a move,two steps back,i have got nothing to confess or prove.
As every song i sing will be a lame word,
flying,i feel nothing more than a caged bird.


Smiling, as i depart,would you care,
may that smile be transfixed on your face,as i make a last look and the last prayer."



Yep, i can still write..;-)

Writing away!!

A bit emotional but not enough to utter out just anything.Had a great time with some people who make my life easier in times of confusion and chaos, friends who make me look forward to work each day.Nice place,nice food,visionary thoughts..:-). Made me a bit nostalgic and made me sing a song so close to my heart,an atif aslam track which,after so long,somehow just came out as it was supposed to be.:-) And after that some typical sher-o shayari followed and lightened up the air.And i just wished i could go there again - candle lights on a table for two.;-) A triply ride on bike, great conversation with a best pal and am home.Logged on to FB,listened to a video song and i feel lost.Played it for 4th consecutive time.Loved the Voice,vocals and the video.
"Love,its a special day,you should celebrate and appreciate,you and me found something pretty..
i dont need no things, i dont need no wings,i dont need anything..."

We so much want to be loved,cared for and pampered.But there really is life beyond this.Things and wishes that we had always wanted to fulfil,career,goals and friends,and an air of freedom that makes you rule yourself and be at your best without trying to be what you really not are.And at the end of the day,truth is you run after things and people who never are yours,and run away from those who try reaching you.:-P
But friends are ones who are there for you alwayss.Thanks to Some wonderful people,who bless my life every day and make my life worth in their own ways..:-)

What is a perfect day in an imperfect life??

I wonder.What is it?Happiness,which comes and fades by no sooner and plays hide and seek on and off.:-) Maybe.Maybe a moment when you cross a road,alone,and meet a lady who just asks you to help her cross the road,and holds your hand while you bid her goodbye with a smile.Isnt it lovely to get cared for from people who just saw you,leave aside knowing you.Isnt it the moment when you enter a hospital(which i so much hate to do),all alone,oh,i miss my parents most at those times,and are greeted well by the registration desk uncle who makes sure that you get your appointment done,and checks again as if you were his daughter.:-)And despite waiting since ages for the doctor,and killing time by listening to music,and you listen to your favourite song, and pat comes a tear,a smile ,from nowhere,taking that strange feeling away,making you feel normal,at peace . Or when your best friend calls you up to check why you arent there in office and are you doing good since the last time you talked to her,which was yesterday.??Or when your bestest junior in office texts that she misses you :-) ?Talking of office,there are loads of such moments arent they??The moments when those teammates that fight and make fun of you so much, try take out time to talk to you when its your last day in the project ? Or your friends,who so much understand by the look on your face or your "hi" that you are having a bad day??As you get back home and enter the society,with a typical lost look,and are welcomed by a smile by the watchman and some beautiful kids with their ever glowing faces with beautiful smiles on them,playing,shouting and running.These beautiful moments make you feel life,just when you think all is gone.Just when you think you've been wrong again, in judging what life is all about.Those moments in the gym when you meet friends,few great ladies,who love you like their daughters and make you feel special and ensure that you come out smiling.:-)Or maybe those mails by your best buddies which frequent your mailbox,and contain nothing but lots of statements aimed at making fun of you,but you still love to read each one of them.Those freinds who are cobfession boxes and the best things to have ever happened to you,who listen and read your blabber all the time with a neutral yet partial reaction,suited to make you happy all the time,and in the end,truth to hold you grounded.Or that unexpected mail from your brother asking you whats happening.Or those moments when you wake up early before the sun,ride a bicycle and get to see that beautiful half lit road with the airy weather adding to the glamour,and reach late and have a whale of time with people who love their life so much.Or those moments when you laugh your heart out,and bring smiles on other's faces,so much that you hardly care what happens next.Or that unexpected compliment which brings that kid smile on you.Or that beautiful walk which rejuvantes you,as you sink in rememberances,which make you smile,and feel beautiful.Or the smiles on your face when you watch a beautiful movie and feel lost for some moments in a while,a face unknown,lots of dreams,not caring if such dreams exist or not.:-)Or the moments when you know that you have lost the game,but still bother to feel great and say "Damn It! " and come out of it happy!! :-)
You experience so much of such beautiful moments which make your days perfect,if not life.Who would have ever bothered about such moments if life would have been perfect?Dont these small perfect things make your life perfect in its own ways? Who cares about those moments which never existed anyways? If you weave dreams and they dont turn out to be the ones as you had imagined,just remember that accidents turn into miracles and vice versa, you just got to have eyes to look for and heart to care for moments that are so much with you and make your life beautiful!!
Thank you god for the people who make my life perfect in their own ways and bless those things which make it imperfect coz they make me understand how important it is to be happy and contented with so much around you.

Utter nonsense...!

At times i wonder,when i start writing,i crib so much till a time comes when i have no words to play with and am left clueless again,probably what they call a writers block.Priorities or dreams ,just like mind over heart.You choose mind,and are left with subdued wishes ,or heart,leaving you with distorted logics of situations.Priorities,are they important? As i sink in the question,i wonder how many times i have led priorities rule my dreams or lets say goals? No idea.Many times, you listen to heart and end up making best of the deals and at times,you bubble up through hell lot of confusion and stand up to a decision and regret later. At the end,who cares,as some things are just meant to be as they are.You cross roads,some known, millions unknown,meet umpteenth number of people, interact with them,relate,reciprocate,retaliate and move on later.But leave behind footprints of memories,footprints of different sizes, per se perception.You take a different perception of an encounter while the person next to you takes some other perception.Life is so complex,isnt it?But minus this,would it be fun? Certainly not. Where would the growing up come from then?Where would the patience to overcome failures and the poise to handle fame come from?How will tears be important then?
As i look back 3 years of my life, and compare, i see a completely different me,and at times,a similar me. Strange,but do you really change? I guess you adapt rather than change.Adapt,metamorphose, and camouflage.You learn ways of defence through self harm.See what hurts you most,get hurt and then respond when its above what you can tolerate.Such strange is life,beautiful yet not so at times,at times sweet and often cruel.But you still persist and survive,dont you? Emotion in many forms hits you almost everyday,making you tough,and soft and at times a stone.But at times,a mellowmarsh as soon as you find compassion.Weird? But true.:-)You feel nothing and nothing becomes everything in a matter of few situations.But does it all matter? Doesnt.What matters ? Almost nothing .Eternity is what you find one fine day and that too if you are destined to,else life just moves on...

Rebellion!!

Confidence,ability,desire and spirit- Seem so good to me now! Finally, a way out,just when i had thought all has gone. And hope there would be no looking back! Decisions are too tough till they do not materialize and once they do,that too so sudden and impulsive,at times are the ones which you do not repent on later. Disturbance,disorder and disoriented- these typically described my state of mind till today. But, a lucky charm and i know what i want to do now.Discussions,negotiations and thinking over- will come soon.But,after a long time, the almighty above proved that he does exist n his own ways and the struggle is over.
Lets see what happens next,one problem down.:-)
Here i come...:-)