Tribute to those i love!!

Just read a friend's blog and it filled me with a pain.Strange but yes, the strength i carry inside me and the "dont care much " attitude about some difficult situations that i try adopting at times, thanks to the motivation around, seemed to be fading away.Feeling a tinge inside, remorse,regret and a helplessness.Reasons are not one but many.What am i doing here away from home?Earning good bucks?Enjoying living on own terms?Discovering me?Learning from people around?Interacting with people?Or travelling and loving nature?What exactly m here for??Aint i missing loads of things back home?Aint i missing the need to nurture my younger brother's talents? Am i not supposed to help him out in his queries and teach him as i did at times when i was at home?Shouldnt i be taking care of my mother when she develops a sore throat, has fever or is burdened with loads of daily chores? Shouldnt i be taking my brother and mother to some place,as they get bored being at home at times, at a time,when i am watching 3 Idiots in awe at a theater or shopping at a mall with my friends?Shouldnt i be showering my care that i show to people close to me,my friends to my parents??Not that they need it but i owe it to them.I owe my existence,my achievements,the meaning of my life,the blessings ((all theirs),my destiny which is a result of their prayers to them.My mother who gets so worried when she sees me in trouble,when she doesnt sleep if i am worried,is an epitome of a sacrifice, i wonder, i will be able to do, when i become a parent some day.No wonder, they call mother the supreme and above heaven.My younger brother, writes me notes on "farewell!Take care " and buys toffees/chocolates for me whenever i leave from home for another city for so called office life?And the feeling that grips me whenever i leave home everytime is just symbolised in one word-empty/choked.


And then, one more thought keeps striking, am i doing justice to my relatives?My grandma (both maternal and paternal), my dadaji, who bothers to call me and what i hear first when he calls up is his laugh,and then some words of how i am doing.Makes me feel small, really small at times for not being much in touch.I, at times feel worried for my naniji,who cant stop blessing me whenever she meets me, and a sad thought prevails in my mind for that time.My dadaji and dadiji, who were so close to me when i was young, they nurtured the golden phase of my infancy with their utter love, concern and care.And here am i,far away from them, not bothering to call, talk to them,though i try meeting them whenever i go home.Out of a fear at times.Shouldnt say this but a fear of losing them.Just feeling like talking to them, and will call them soon.when i miss my childhood,i miss them.I miss them through the memories that my photographs help revisit,i miss the tales that my dadi used to tell me before sleeping, i miss spending my vacations with her,i miss being spoilt with her love and all the tantrums that were the result of so much love, i miss my bua who has been a sweet elder sister , who always let me use her cosmetics, creams and took me places with her.!I miss the times that can never come back.I miss going with my dadaji everyday while he used to bring milk,and come home carrying chocolates,or sweet cigarettes and eat an dplay with them entire day.. LOL..:-)
I miss my naniji's big and delicious chappatis(full of ghee) which i havent eaten elsewhere in my life till now,i miss the stories she used to tell,I miss the place and my nanaji's pics that hung on the well,with a garland.I miss my cousins, hanging out with them,laughing like anything, their pranks on me, i miss my maasi and the times with her and her daughter, my cousin with whom i have had a lot of fun,hanging together.But i hate it for not being much in touch.I hate it for not connecting to them frequently.Feel guilt at times when the phone rings and i see on my cell,dadaji calling or bhai calling(cousin), and i hate it for not being the caller but the receiver, but i know the memories are intact and the respect and love too.And it will.Till i am alive.I thank them all for adorning my life with their presence and becoming the lovely possessions i have.