A typical mondayyy.. :(

A typical monday at office- work is calling time and again and am unable to make up my mind to start with another five days of working repeatedly over same things,worrying about every single data field and trying to understand and explore new logics and what not..Errghh...why do they make mondays working.. :( Anyways, mondays seem empty to me but todays a strange feeling.Something am unable to figure out.Want to unconnect,go into recluse and stop being subdued.There is a strange wish occupying me right now-the wish to be rebellious,to be breaking rules,to be going down the hill rather than upside,to be not bothered by peer pressure,to be not pretending the smiles for a while,to be crying for the stars above,to be not waiting for some miracles,to be unfazed by rememberances,to be with my parents,to be pampering my brothers,to be pampered,to be sleeping till tommorow..Many silly wishes,basically a deviation from the disciplined life that am leading,or the assumption,watsoever.But nothing has changed,though i have blinked my eyes so many times..:-)
Things remain,its just that we need to adapt,change,and reaffirm our faiths in every new endeavour.Monday,here i come. :)
Lets start work.. :-\

Things that make u smile...!

One of my takeaways from "The secret,I loved the idea,though nothing that new about it.Note down 10 things that make you happy/smile for moment or moments,and make sure you keep them handy in all times when you feel depressed,or at loss of esteem and spirits.Bring them down to 3/4 ,be honest as the things that you choose become your most sought after goals,in your search for happiness.So,when you are there with 3 things that make you most happy,bravo,you've figured out what your life is worth of,and what you deserve to and should strive to shell out of life,to make it a life well earned.
I would not miss the chance here to point out the ones that make me smile and come back from gloom at times:
1)Kids and babies- the silent ones though,lol...i just love the innocence in their eyes, their charming smiles,so pure and poise,and the way they pour affection and love in you and make your life beautiful.
2)Beauty of nature-The landscapes- the hills,sea and especially its farthest point makes me wonder whats more to it and how far can i see beyond what i am really looking at,an odd cottage with greenery all around,wouldnt it be the most bful place to stay in,and the highway with hills on my way office ,with chilly breeze giving an absolute wonder effect,is what i look forward to everyday in my journey to office on rainy mornings.
3)Rains- the water droplets on a car after rain has gone for a nap..:-) or the puddles,though dirty,still are so much of life,arent they? and looking up at the droplets in light of the street lamp,when those striking bullets of water seem so beautiful,falling on your face and making you wet,and music in your ears,adding to the wow factor..:-)
4)Making others smile- cracking jokes and wishing and complimenting others has been a hobby and makes me feel free,full of life and beautiful.Seeing a group laughing,smiling and enjoying makes me feel life!
5)Music/Dancing-needs no explanation.Just makes me feel out of world..:-)
6)Thoughts-Many thoughts,which include dreams,thinking about immediate crushes..:-),those butterflies in stomach once you get noticed by somebody whom u like is a strange and kiddish feeling..:-)
7)Travelling-Alone makes me dig into beauty of all around,makes me observe and notice people.makes me think a lot and analyze!
8)Walks-Walking alone in a drizzle,or on a breezy evening/night,with the breeze sweeping off your face,every while and then,the music of your choice making you dance,the random thoughts and rememberances making you happy or sad,is so mesmerizing..
9)Writing-is more a passion than a thing which makes me smile..
10) talking/gossiping with friends ,doing mischiefs and doing weird things makes me feel good at times..

Figuring out the best 4 will be tough,though walks will be a sure shot among them.
So,when is your turn to write about yourself and reveal the secret to your and muy happiness..

Dawn or dusk?

Sometimes it happens that you feel so happy a moment and a moment later,however hard you try,some random thoughts clutter your mind and you feel worse than you ever had since ages.Somehow,you start feeling your under confident,worthless and pessimistic side taking a toll on the half lit lamp of hope you carry with you all the time.Your heart gets shorter thinking all those things which you shouldnt- the depressing things which make you feel you are unwanted,not liked,not loved/uncared for and just another creature who will fade away one day without ever making a mark on anybody's life around you.You stop feeling like the son/daughter of a proud parent,you stop feeling that love ever exists,the trust on relations breaks for those moments,and many thoughts later, a thought saying "who cares? or how does it matter ?"prevails.Those times really give you a different edge to life,helping you explore the other perspective,making you more observant and see life and realities unmasked for a change.Every relation,every companionship and all things near and dear seem like some obligations that you follow as a matter of duty.And you keep wondering what where and whether pure love exists? Pure love,where its not about giving and taking,where silence speaks louder than words,where care and concern weigh much more over some confessions,true or fake,where a look says it all,where you end up feeling worse even with the tiniest misunderstandings,and where it doesnt matter,where and who you are to the one who cares.Love of parents,siblings,partner,a friend,mentor,or a stranger passing by? Cant be categorised.But the one you remember at such times or the one who makes you smile and brings you back from the depression steals the show.

Reveries :)

You sit there,smiling at me and everybody else around,
but those nods and a look,and my heart somehow listens to a distant sound.
A sound,which comes from somewhere else,but am mistaken to be thinking its you,
who has brightened those dull days, the sun that has come out somewhere out of the blue.
I am at my best and shining bright,
with no one to blame later for my plight.
I swim in happiness and excitement of a reverie,
while you keep sinking in the silence and poise sounding a but eerie.
Something really is happening, or its my imagination speaking aloud,
Is it the rains or the change in events that are banging in my head so loud.
Ofcourse,it cant be you, you have been a constant all along,
its my stupid heart who had been singing a waste song,
the lyrics of which will remain unsung,
and will be lost to some sobs,
or trampled under footsteps of indifference,
and may later become some instances of repentance,
but what will be left is a hazy sustenance,
of those smiles,and nods.

I sit there,smiling at you and everybody else around,
and there is laughter and no other sound.

The best Janamashtmi till now :-)

Elation which came up to my rescue just when i was falling yet again with a strange guilt over one of my stupid actions leading me to nowhere. To say that i fasted for the festival in true sense would not be as accurate as the fact that i fasted just because somewhere my mind forced and prompted me to do.As people around me were fasting,so something within me decided to declare it a "no grain " day.Hunger didnt strike as much as it generally does in any other fast and left me a bit surprised.The day started with a good omen,( offlate i keep changing what/who is a harbinger of a good omen for me just to keep me going),it is anothet story that when you really focus that much on making your day start with the things/people you feel are lucky for you/make you happy , it happens sometimes,rare though and happened with me and brought a smile on my face.I swayed to my workplace in an unsually good mood,and the feel of the day set in.The day went quite normal without any surprises but a tinge of guilt for being so "me" and "not me" at times.Well,"not me" made me surprised and i felt miserable for some moments at the way i have been reacting and aiming my wandering mind.Never mind,its better not to put too much thoughts to some things which are never meant to happen, but exploring the possibilities is never a bad option either.
The "fast dinner" together became a good ice breaker with all the roommates discussing their childhood pranks and the mischiefs which brought smiles,nostalgia and lots to cheer.It stretched for more than an hour with discussions and after some time,everybody scattered here and there.One of my roomies,the most adventurous of us all, prepared the "jhoola" for Shree krishna and and decorated it with tid bits,flowers and a nice setup resulted.Ad the clock neared 12,everybody gathered around the site and many pics of the cute "jhoola" were taken.:-) Fruits were cut as fast as possible for the prasad after the puja that we were slated to perform soon,at 12.While i sipped tea,i saw my rumies cutting fruits and giving finishing touches to the jhoola and idol of krishna and radhaji.We gathered in no time and sang a lot of artis amidst cheer,my sill jokes as always,"a happy bday song for krishnaji", a mini photo session, lots of giggles,some forgotten and misspelt hymns,and smiles at "govind bolo hari gopal bolo" hymn recited by me,( though i dont know what Upss found funny in it.:-)) and lots of masti. The cute jhoola glistened in the light of wick of the diya we had lit and the slight rush of air which moved it to and fro indicated that somebody up there was atleast noticing us praying.Many hymns later,we finally concluded the end of prayers and a big "wishlist session" followed with everybody asking for more from god.:-) It does happen to me that when i am too excited about asking something from god,i dont get to remember my biggest wish just when its time to pray and ask him.Guess,you dont need to communicate always,atleast to god,when it comes to making your wishes understood.Anyways,i managed to open and close my eyes twice and ask for two seperate wishes while the star pua performers still sat in the same "closed eyes" position dictating their wishes to the supreme power.Post the puja celebration,a series of pics and joke sessions,prasad distribution and search for the moon continued.But,moon played hide and seek and hasnt showed up till now,1:30 am.:-) Surely,it has been one of the best janamashtami puja i ever experienced,with lots of happiness and faith emerging within almost every bow towards theidols. Had an awesome start of the next day and the sleep is killing..But a beautiful celebration was worth it !!!