Escapades!

They say pen is a big weapon.It surely is and at times,it could be one of your best friends.For me,well, i plan to be here at my space,for many more years,i hope.Escapades, are the certain somethings that do exactly what your best friend from school would do,helping you escape your agonies, letting you blurt out all thats been kicking in your mind,since sometime.Well,writing is an escapade for me,the saviour which helps me get in touch with my thoughts again, or lets me think over and over that i can still "write" exactly the way i  have always wanted to and lets me recollect and rethink of old times, and leaves me awed at the questions and thoughts which spur up in the moment i start to write.And with those episodes of Sex and the city, i feel all the more mesmerized by carrie bradshaw and the art of writing,and the beautiful concept of putting up columns from real events,ending them with a perfect one liner. Penchant for writing,maybe,i love it when i see rich use of words,the twisted and the subtle lines making you wonder whats more to a few letters put to make a sense, having an impact that you get to ponder,and figure it out later on.And for that matter, i love art too.I love deciphering dot. Deciphering the art pieces,trying to figure out what the artist may have been upto while putting up strokes,those weird fading images having such deep imagination,that you could actually make stories out of your opinions.Artists must be gods,for they do magic on the canvas,the not so obvious strokes,images,mixing and matching of colours, all turning to a bubbling,lively or a grim,desolate one,putting life to a blank canvas sheet and making a masterpiece out of it. In our lives,we do find and turn upto escapades too.So, you had a fight  with someone,lend a ear and start putting the details right away.Or you could simply think it over,shutting your mind,trying hard to grasp the events.Oh, someone said you something he/she wasnt supposed to,go complain to someone else.Tired of boss' antics,call friends,or guys,probably move on with a drink or a self assuring pat.Lost a game, turn up the stakes by practising harder. Suspecting infidelity,go look around,flirt  with someone for a while.Let down at a failure,blabber and work on everything possible, to give a boost to the lost confidence and the spirit.Ego wars,hurt yourself,or someone else, before you could have your peace back.We just ruin ourselves a bit,here and there,somewhere to get rid of suffering.Talk of escapades,its all a need to be taken back to the track. Ofcourse, the one who said the journey is going to be a long one was a wise man.Because the journey is a long,taxing one and you lose yourself so many times,before you get together the bits and pieces to turn up the power pauses to a finish,beautiful in its own ways.And well about the escapades, they will always be there all the time.Silly nothings or big somethings, forgotten the next moment,you feel back on track.And as i read somewhere, the thing about needs is that when you feel them met,you no more think about needing them anymore.

P.S. :Life is a one big escape celebrated at the end of so many little escapades, you just have to figure out the big day,and move on till then..

Flipping back!

As and when a thought crosses by and i remember some things that went by the last year, or probably the year before, or years before, i feel nostalgia and a big transformation growing in me,all the time.Memories-those beautiful green leaves which fell off during the fall last season, losing their way past  the crazy world to places unknown, making way for the "new" leaves.Come this fall and some memories will still shed themselves off me and sink in somewhere unconsciously, till one random leaf on my way will remind me of them.And will induce nostalgia again.How weird,isn't it? Such a change,that we just  change the way we look,think,act and do, while we don't realize much of what we are doing to bring up those changes.We are such intelligent creatures that we build reflexes based on situations we are into,just so that we put the right foot forward next time,just in case we step into the same spot where we just when wrong.And these reflexes work their way for years,if not for centuries and thats how we develop the so called transformation in our lives and of those around us.Wohoo, i feel like Carrie bradshaw!(Been watching too much of the show).So, when something small happens and i recollect what my reaction to it would have been years ago,the comparison assures me of the reflexes working full on,engulfing the immature,naive me.But at times,as they say,you cant stop being a child ever.So,i move out of that zone and be myself as i would have been years ago.And the bad thing about it all being,every year when you blow a candle more to celebrate your stay in this big (not so bad) world,you  move one step away from your older self .You cant bring those things back- the stupor,the restlessness,the childishness,the childhood fights with your siblings,those carefree looks, those pranks with the besties, the crushes,those hours with the books,the tingling in your heart before every exam and the boards results, the campus  placement announcement,your first interview followed by your first job,the times when you felt your heart  pounding at some glances being returned,the best date,the best compliments,the emotional goodbyes,the end of friendships lost while you hop to places(welcome to IT), the moment your heart said yes for someone,the best proposal,the feel of being so special to someone,the start of a lifetime of togetherness,the caring sweet nothings from your brothers/cousins before your big day,the Big Day,and the smile on your face and the racing sounds in your heart as you vow to a start of a life together with someone.Wow, there are so many moments,which  never come back,or do they? Coz i just felt some of them coming for a while,all so fresh in my mind.

So,as i fill a page of my life book each day, i still believe i would see a lot of memories scribbled,just when i think of flipping back again!!

Building castles!!

So, it was a short and unplanned trip to a beach, a national park to be in particular.Rainy day and pleasant weather made it promising to pack up few things for a  so called "picnic" and we reached pretty soon. The best thing about going out,or the weekends is the guilt free indulgence in almost everything edible plus no workouts. Not that it doesnt matter.It really does,alas. :( Anyways,the best part- the drizzle,and the water.Amazing time.Floating and playing with water was never so much fun.The water droplets falling on your face,just when you try to float around,listening to the sounds of a tide nearby, is so heavenly.As we enacted scenes of "simran" and "Raj" running to meet each other in waist deep water and laughed crazy later, i realized that it was such a great thing to be not noticed and do whatever you want,with people not judging you for what you do,wear,say, bla bla and so on.This thing is so not there in India, to our dismay.Castles,i love them,except that they take a lot in terms of that salty sand on your clothes and your hands. We saw a small bucket near shore and in a moment, we were already making our own small hut :).Funny but i liked the effort :). A day well spent,it rained throughout all along the way.


Something that always amazes me about nature is that the moment you are there,amidst its beauty-the waters rustling,winds blowing and the sea and  sky mixing beautifully,or the luscious greens,amazing flowers  and the bright sunshine like the gold,you feel so at peace,with everything around seeming so pure and fresh,and  when you get lost in your "come to real terms" mundane routine,you long for that peace.

Pretence!!

A single word holding a lot of meaning. Pretence or the art of acting what you are not,at times when you should exactly do that.I wonder if i could learn the art of pretending,and becoming what i am not,but i am supposed to be,to just wear the magician cap and do magic,to my and other lives surrounding me.Oh,if it was all that easy! In times of distress,pretence works wonders,be it composure,be it the silence,be it the art of indifference,or be it coaxing other's egos at the cost of your faltering self respect to work out things.But only if you are good at it.I see it all around.Workplaces,relationships,friendships,competitors,and even the biggest enemies- people pretending to be the "Good better best " all the time,just to complicate the chances of recognizing who ditched when,where and how to be found later on. In the spell of  lots of twisted tongues,not hesitating to praise,coax and convince you of being the best, those rehearsed,over the pitch,measuring sweet enough( risking you a diagnosis of diabetes) one liners in your appreciation,and those fake mouth wide open smiles,lies a world anew- a world of clever games,a modified barter system,wherein you just get all the false self motivation for some small favours you do,once in a while.
Pretence,only if could learn you!
Sigh!!

To the walks once again!!

I am about to blabber some more about one of my favourites,walk,all over again.So, yesterday, after so many days,i again felt a strange poise and delight at the odd 3 rounds i made around my block that felt out of the world,yet again.As i put on my shoes reluctantly(i believe a gym session is enough to rid you of mindless eating :-)), blame the developed consciousness to be fit,i grabbed the ipod and had in mind some walking,avoiding the famous,stereotypical Dee Park,which would be as usual brimming with kids,toddlers,pets,older ones playing cards,and aunties gossiping as they try some asanas ,giving an air of Indianness about the whole area. Somehow, i tapped on a devotional album and bhajans started playing on the ipod.I adjusted the earplugs to get an amplified effect as they sounded so divine.The clouds,in orange streaks and purple puffs, let some gleaming sun rays to fall on some of the lucky houses of the society, creating a fairytale effect.The whiff of air playing with the flowery plants,rendered a beautiful scent,as i paced from a footpath to other, enjoying the chants and the sinking in the purity of the bhajan that sounded so melodious,invoking in me,memories of the neighbourhood temple and a feeling that,somewhere i should remember to pray.Those odd 3 rounds made me so happy within,invigorating the lost connection,settling me in a familiarity,a sense of connecting with oneself, though shortlived.The lush greens, ladies walking their babies in prams,couples heading together,all to the Dee Park ,to seek solace in treading a mile or two,around the green cricket ground, the tennis court and volleyball area,watching others around,shouting and making merry.And after some time,when the orange sun finally gives off to a red and its time for the night to take over,they shall recede to their homes,through the same paths,giving directions to their kids to walk on inside corners,to be seen tomorrow the same time.Routines, they manage to keep us on toes,for a purpose.
And soon after,i came home and prayed.Felt so goood and different.

An ode to you!

I wake up by your side,and flashes a wide smile,
having thought of living in a world so worthwhile.
Through the window, i see a sea of blue and white,
Hues of gold,cobwebs of my dreams seem so bright.
The sun has descended,and its going to be a bful day,
with you there is  a new and better everyday.
Zillions of moments of smiles,rants,fights and complaints,
of making fun of those passing by,remembering college times,
or of times when we sit together on a shore,poise and silence of  saints.
The adamant me and the forgiving you,
or a  careful me and a carefree you.
Of mind of a man and heart of a woman,
we are holding on well to the gameplan.
Of moments of care,of things not said,
i will be with you,whatever lies ahead.
Watching the sunrise and set every day,i look at the blue,
and sink in the awe of being the one destined for you.


~For the greatness i see in you each day,my husband!

The windy city!!

As i write scattered miniscules of my random thoughts,winds are blowing too hard outside.The hot summer,though they say this year was a terrible one,has subsided and opened the way to cool breeze,downpours and windy days.The weather telecast just some time ago, informed about the rip currents  in waters today,suggesting to swim parallel to the shore.The mighty ducks have migrated,their quacking fading and emerging as they move about the lush green gardens.No sounds except the winds outside.Yesterday night,it rained.Quite heavily,that i almost got terrified.That typical stormy night and i was lost soon in nightmares of devils and ghosts.:-) Probably, too much of movies :-) Or blame the eerie silence and the lots of sounds,of rain,of the squirrel,who was probably running here and there,seeking shelter,or maybe the buzzing hoard of fireflies,which create beautiful impressions of lights,every now and then.Whatever,i am loving it.You can actually feel the raw freshness in air everytime you step out, making you realize there is a whole quality attached to life here.Technology,you name it and they have it.Organized,well planned and well implemented.More satisfaction,more smiles on faces you see around,more love for life. Everytime you go shop for veggies and fruits, you see so much of them,various forms,varieties,right from farms,unadultered,fresh with those sprinklers doing their part so well that it actually feels like raining shots of water on set intervals.You ponder,and then take the best varieties,peeking at the other trollies nearby and expressions on other faces as they buy along.Lakes,lots of them.Crystal clean roads and facilitated places.Amazing clothes,lots of stuff  in every nook and corner.You can try out new things on cooking as anything you name would be so easily available in any good store you enter.
Great traffic management and lots of greenery around.
And someone to hold on forever,meaning the world to you.
I am loving every bit of  it!! :-)
You never know life's got some surprises up there,till you keep glancing a bit longer!!

Fill the spaces!

How do you fill the spaces,just when you realize that you have been too cruel to someone,showing your "true" side to that someone,with the bitter remarks and "no-good" things pouring out from the idiotic anger zone of your mind,which just wakes up at the wrong times and shuts up when it really needs to act.Just when you realize that logic has no sense,because it always has two sides,your side and my side.And My side always weighs more,no matter what.Ego,is it ego? Yes,it ruins the aftermath of your crisis,all the more.But still ego or no ego,how do you fill the spaces,the gap and the silence that pursues.Happens to me at times,when i feel sunk in the sea of remorse,putting a hand out to that someone,to save me from drowning,asking for forgiveness through some lame words.God,the one who invented "sorry" was a very wise man :-).Or for that matter,was he? Does sorry really means you are sorry,or you are just moving on because there are no ends to the problem you were fighting for??Is it enough that someone wins at the end,you or i?But is it really victory?I wonder.Well, i just wonder why do i end up feeling stupid after a fight,with a best friend,with those who love or with few people who don't matter.And for that matter,ending up lifting the ego  veil by asking for forgiveness later on,but realizing that has  wasted a lot of precious time.Wish there was an erase button,which could just erase,all thats on your mind,making way for a cleaner slate,so you may write memories with that innocent childhood chalk,wiping them everytime something spells wrong.Wish life could be so easy,a slate and a chalk is all what you have needed for a perfect today,tomorrow and day after.

Wayward!

All you need is a tequila shot to blurt out all on your mind,just when the right thing would be to let it go and not talk about it??Oh really?? Perhaps,the easiness to speak up when you are on a high does it.And you end up talking,talking and talking.Putting out all those splinters that you have had subdued somewhere,to be used at a better time and place.

Why i wrote the above lines all of a sudden?Probably that has been on my mind since sometime.I feel like a zombie, attempting to write about tequila,in dead night,when all i can hear is the typing of my keyboard.Probably this space does it.The freedom of moulding and creating my own stories,limited stories makes me do so.Or is it the time again when i am feeling the urge to start writing again.No content though.Actually, some content but i dont want to include myself in my writings.Only the wayward thoughts,no real life. :-)  Real life ..umm.. its better,new and different.Dot.I miss loads of things though- gossips and cafeteria time in the office the most :) I feel losing an older me to a newer changed,less observant,more into histrionics of kitchen, me :) Better but somewhere i miss that abstractness. Well, time.Time does it all.Dot.