Priceless Desicions..

It is strange these days. I am missing nobody in particular, but some good company. Had i been my previous self, i would have been feeling low and distraught. But , i am surprised at myself that i enjoy being alone, right from the evening to the next dawn, the conversations in office being the only respite to my not so social life courtesy the new place, these days. I try making best of it at office, to compensate for " Nobody to talk to " hours after office, talkative that i am.. :) Today, i felt much better at dinner, eating alone but the caretakers of the accomodation m in for few days, kept me engaged in friendly conversation and i enjoyed the so called breaking of silence. Then, i got to break ice with the other people staying in house, and that was again a better phenomenon and made me feel a part of the new transition. Well, at office, all is well, with acquaintances- the same date joinees turning into friends soon, with a mere recognition by a smile. They are probably all sailing in the same boat, same uncertainties, same fears, excitement, confusion, tempo and purpose-purpose to adapt and fit well into the race, the same rat race with different breed this time.Sounds rude, but the truth. I dont deny the fact that i too am living the rat life , waking up everyday and passing days as they come, for just some bucks and happiness. Not that happiness comes with money, it comes with purpose.For me, this purpose shifts from time to time, sometimes career, sometimes family,sometimes freedom and sometimes a mixture of career and family. The last one is toughest handling because whenevr you try mixing and entangling two different things, it creates utter confusion and kills peace -of mind and your conscience. You try hard balancing but one side of the weighing balance shoots down, being heavy just when u had just set your eyes on the opposite end. So, its kind of a see saw, you have to see, who is heavier enough to be at the lower end..Lower end..how ironical???The heavier has the lower end..Shouldnt it be having the upper end.. as it goes by words.. :)
Thats life...Much more meanings to minute things in ways u never comprehend.I think at times that why does god give choice? Why does god invest the power to choose in our hands? Cant it be like he takes the desicion and let u know sternly that you have to abide by what has been decided for you... Happens for some, not all, and i am amongst those "not all " who spend half the time figuring out what? why?when and how?and lose the sight of the victory amidst all these stupid things.Guess god wants to test you one last time before giving you orders directly ? Or maybe he wants a consultation from you, as he is assured that whats on your mind will be anyways be a though with him/his fear in your mind...? Or maybe he wants to make it easy for you and let u see the hidden vision? Or maybe he doesnt want u to complain for the lack of choices? Or maybe he wants you to cherish it all by doing mistakes/ making gold out of silver lining whatever the case maybe...?But one thing is for sure.. Life is too big and you cant be repenting for whatever you decide, coz whats on ur mind may be right one moment, wrong next moment.But you can savour the thoughts only if you turn them to reality, only if u decide the harder way, good for u, bad for people close to u or vice versa but at the end of it all, u being happy for urself/others. See the rainbow itself..so many colours, in same order VIBGYOR, no change in colour scheme, maybe the other colours up and down wud have made rainbow sound more beautiful but y it isnt so? because god has decided path out of choices and stuck by it and made it a standard.. So, i belive even if u took the wrong path stick to it and follow it until you find success, but if you return back to some other path, you need to face the tradeoffs.In short, you have to wear the " i am the writer of my destiny" cap and see whether you are able to follow what you chose for yourself. The steeps and the curves that success comes with are indescribable and let you understand that success is not the destination, its the start of a journey-journey into the world of your dreams.May sound like big words to someone, for whom peace preceded everything in life, may sound true to people who look for success and fulfilment as their purpose in life and may sound a very hazy remark to those who want to have both peace and success.Very obviously, being a part of majority, i too find things which matter to me the most, hazy and strange till the time i get a clear vision, only to find that i have accepted one of the paths, out of choice, peer pressure or my own unclear visions, and then only, i make myself at peace. :)
Anyways.. theres some role fate and people around u play in u deciding somethings.. and whatever may be the case, you end up sailing in boat 1 or 2 depending on the time and the strength of your thoughts.I have seen people deciding most big things in life in matter of few moments. So, its all about your perceptions and how you take life and what attitude you want to live your life with.Some want best while some ,whom i like to salute, carry on with any situation and make it the best.But amongst all kinds of people and all kinds of actions, contentment should be the outcome, and if not, you should adapt yourself quickly, or rather break all norms to achieve this outcome..

Rocket singh rocks.. :-P

This post is about my recent hilarious experience at the induction ceremony of the organization i joined today. The induction was, as supposed to be, a boring, monotonous activity of signing innumerable documents, with me messaging my home to confirm my mother's birth year and striking and entering the new one again. at the nominees section in the so called bla bla policies..Lol.Anyways, after a round of boring sessions, there was this Bank session, where representatives from various banks arrived and showed how opening account with them was better than other ones.The representative from one of the Banks(Better not name it..:-P) was an interesting one, u guessed right, he was the new age rocket singh.. :-) .I literally noted some interesting bytes of the discussion that he engaged us in.First, he used "Friends, you see" an irritating number of times whenever he fell shrt of words.Second, he said :"other banks offer you vanilla, we offer you chocolate" which was too funny.Third, he kept on arranging his tie for no reason coz nobody botheres enough to notice him much, except me ofcourse,(what to do, i was getting bored with his half audible "friends u see" stuff.) To be frank, i should not be elaborating much as its very normal to be anxious and be short of words at times, happens with all, but i just tend to take up the light hearted funny side and forget the rest, no offences intended. Coming back to rocket singh, he tried his best at making the session interactive by posing questions like " suppose ur mother is abroad, no suppose she is in some other city, how much time it will take to transfer money to her acct with the same bank? " and pat came the answer, "at the instant u do net banking", and he went on to tell about the Mobile banking facility, with GPRS enablement charges and downlaod rates,that was very funny indeed.He commented like this "Friends, it just takes 2 minutes to transfer money through mobile banking, just 2 minutes, very easy" as if advertising for maggi noodles..Lol.. Then, one more scenario followed wherein he explained and almost terrified a girl by asking her "what to do in such bla bla situation" and supported his comment with how his bank does too good than others.Then came the best part, when he asked the question that should have been asked at the start of session "How many of you guys have an account already with my bank?" and most of the hands raised up, and his happiness was described well by his expressions and comment "Oh, Thanks a lot to you all ...!! "..laugh out loud..The satiated and happy expression on his face was innocent and at the same time funny, now that his not so audible, uninteresting, yet well tried of explanation of his banks' benefits found some audience..Lol...
The session ended with few more queries to which he very gently replied by addressing us as Sirs and Mams which was sweet.By the way, Rocket singh rocked or not, will depend on how many will use the same account as the salary account...But surely, he made us laugh!!

The sweetest compliment ..

I do not want to leave the sweetest compliment showered to me, unwritten and untalked of, call it boasting or watever...Lol...
The journey from Mumbai to Delhi, this time was a bit different from the rest. With a RAC ticket, i was left to mercy of the person sharing the seat with me.And i thanked my stars when that person turned out to be an 11 year old bengali girl, sohini. She became a friend in no time and we gossiped or rather i answered her queries, typically those, an 11 yr old would ask.The best thing about the coach i was in, was the presence of lots of children, toddlers and 4-5 years old.Families were moving on vacation, so large groups and thus, the children.there was one very cute kid, a 2 yr old who kept on coming near my seat, and i left no chance of cuddling her and playing with her,whenever she came.She was too cute to be left without pecking her cheeks.On other side of my seat was a group of Punjabis, with their fair, cute and super active kids, who kept on jumping to and fro and moving up and down the berths.Lol...It was like a moving child playschool and i was enjoying the family feeling(read nostalgia) it brought everytime i heard the coaxing sounds of fathers convincing their kids to do as told.Childhood comes with its own package of love and care, must say.Innocent love and lots of care, but as we grow up and understand the harsh realities of life and different angles to love, we realise that "love for parents and love of parents" is eternal, and rest of the things keep changing places.Coming back to the compliment thing again.Lol, one very cute girl from the punjabi family came to me and started passing smiles.She wanted to strike a conversation so i asked her her name.Sanya,she was in lower KG ,as she told,she took place besides my seat and started asking me innocent questions, like where does the train run, on track or outside track? where is my home?what am i carrying in my bags..Lol? and where do i stay and all? To which i replied with smiles in hushed voice, as i noticed that a lady in the opposite seat was noticing me and the girl continously...Lol...Then out of a sudden, she said to me ," ap bahut ache lag rahe ho.." Lol...and i was all smiles and filled with the feel good factor..Lol...and i reciprocated with the same words to her. Then, i started looking out of the window and she planted a sweet kiss on my cheek. And that completed my sweetest compliment so far.. :)
It was kind of unexpected for me to be getting attention from a cute toddler..Anyways, she left after sometime with a goodbye and a twinkle in her eyes.. :)
I reached my destination and moved out with 2 full bags towards the exit, just when i noticed the guy who was in the opposite seat, and he waved a bye, and i waved back. Its so strange yet true that every journey adds aquaintances and experiences that you cherish at times.Guess this is the magic of travelling alone!!

The Campus

Returned sometimeback from IIT campus, had an exam there, and i was hardly prepared.I have this habit of making noise when i am not prepared and i find peace in irritating people on how carfree i am to be enjoying before exam.Kiddish, but rare are the times when you get to do that cribbing and people taking it silently.lol...So,with that daring attitude(Lol, in some spheres) of striking things, unprepared with the "lets try atleast, rest let it go in peace", i went , feeling sleepy and dazed.Though the view of the main building mentioned at my admit card seemed plaintive as it had been before, once when i had been to iit sometime back,but after seraching and asking people, for the class which had my roll list, i entered the building .The first thing i noticed was the lush beautiful garden, ornamented with flowers and glistening sunshine, a lot of faces,some pretty ,some handsome and ambitious and a light breeze. Moment of the day,beautiful enough to shut your mind for a while and to feel the nature and its beauty.How and when we get to see and observe such small things, always surrounding us but awing us at times when really needed, is a mystery. I felt like giving a damn to all the things and stood in corner for odd 2 minutes observing the din and the students, as i always do to kill time before exam starts.The most boring time is when i see students carrying their stationery and admit cards,chatting and blabbering at length over expected questions, some full of hope, peeping in their books and it makes me yawn, though i realise and admit that i am one of them but with the same things in my hand.(minus books, notes and blabber ofcourse.. :-)..i am mostly alone, so i enjoy the silence).I saw a girl sitting in the garden peeping over a big logarithm book or watever nightmare it was, and cramming something as i could get it from her hand movements..Lol..Silent observer at the rare times that i am, i waited for time to pass soon and headed to my room-MB-1. And the half hour before exam starts,when you surrender your cellphones, and sit blankly at your places, is always the same-dumb,slow and overstretching,with the inviligator's movements and actions being the centrestage and my mind clogging with thoughts like how much time they waste in making arrangements of test and following the rules and guidelines.But, today it was less boring as i could hear chirp of birds from the big windows and the greenery as i looked outside, and felt serene and calm.I felt good and the slow fan and the board with the title of exam written in coloured chalk, and the multiple inviligators there, all seemed to fit in the frame, a sweet and better life, away from the daily din.I felt good and all started making sense.There were still 5 minutes before the exam started and as i was waiting for the same , i went outside, had water and came back.And the exam started.And what followed will not be history ofcourse(Lol) but it was worth the unprepared attempt.
A good experience in all....

Rememberance...

I ever wonder why talking makes me feel so good.Ofcourse not talking to phone except when it means catching up after long, but talking in person, to be particular.But, to mention it, i am referring to the phone conversations i had with the people who fall under my domain of "friends", many of them, today.One of the friends recently married, she is always fun to talk to, her loud voice and kiddish way of saying things making me relive the time spent with her all the time.I had called her first time since she got married some days ago,and it felt strange and beautiful.Missed seeing her in person and teasing her as i used to do when with her.And my other sweet friend, who got married long back and is expecting.Wow, wow and a great smile flickered on my face.The moment of happiness was extreme and i missed her and wanted to hug her at the moment.Felt a bit nostalgic :). I recollected myself after hearing the great news and went on to imagine the changes they were having in their lives.Friends are the ones who always stick to your side in all odds and you feel like you are just in touch even when you call them after eons of time.I miss the two people i mentioned and beautiful things happening in their lives make me miss them a lot at the times i talk to them. The time spent with them is most cherished and we still laugh at jokes we cracked on each other all the time.Pulling each other's legs, teasing, those silly acts on my part, dancing at terrace..Lol...many many memories that are a part of my world, sometime ago..Then i talked to another friend, and we talked at length about things in general , experiences and the dramatic turn of events each wanted to share, and the time fled by.And when i came back to check my mails, i heard cheer and clad and "Happy Bday" wishes from the next flat, some MBA students staying there. Another moment of peek in the past, the college hostel, unadventurous and simple, but sweet enough to be remembered.Those BDay chants in hostel mess, bday bumps, the music and celebrations used to be the limelight of those times.Life was simple, sweet and confined.
So, in all, it all left me felt brimming with emotion in a strange sense and worthy enough for expression of thoughts. :-)

Going, Going,Gone...

Gone like wind is the dream i had been holding on to since some time...
a chase for the black holes in the search of the light..
Gone is the excitement that made me kiddish and bright..
Those long moments of waiting, for the words emotionless and trite.
The chase could prolong had i been my smiling best,
had i been less weird and outspoken,silently fighting the unrest.
Had those tears not turned into meaningful remarks,
It would have meant all rosy and beautiful sparks.
But anyways, it had to end in a bitter goodbye,
coz you could never change things, how hard you try.
When you end up speaking your heart,
some deaf ears are all ready to break it apart.
But, it happens once not twice,
That the separation makes you pay a big price.
So, you fake the smiles and face it aloud,
you step back from the dias and return to the crowd.
You stop asking yourself and the one,
And leave some moments for the unsaid and undone.
When you hear "Never knew people like you exist"
You stay quite and smile but those feelings persist.
Only to be giving way to a clarity of thought,
and a restrospection on the typical"you" traits it brought....

Dance like you will never ever get to dance again!!

I dont want to lose the moment..so writing with the flow of what i feel just now.I just danced my way around some punjabi numbers,and feeling great !!Rejuvenated, happy and full of life for the moment.As i listen to a punjabi track dhol jageero da, i feel great to be a punjabi and carrying the enjoying- the-bhangra instincts of punjabis.Dancing at thid time of hour is fun when you have friends along.But as i was home alone, i started alone..Lol.It makes me remember the exam times in College when we just used to rush to archi block, the girls who are always making sheets and gossiping, Lol, increase volume of music already playing and start dancingIt used to be real fun, situated among a village area in fenced hostels, still having a great time shouting and dancing.But times have passed,We hardly have a blast with friends, it needs planning or when we end up in parties and chilling zones, sometimes end up getting bored and disappointed at expecting the same friends, as in college. I sometimes feel like calling a friend, then guess, she has been recently married, must be busy and stop dialling.sometimes, i end up increasing their missed call count. As i write this, the track has changed to "aj nachne nu kare mera jee" One foot tapping bhangra track, which just lets you have a great time enjoying the beats.Punjabi music has always been lovely and i like the rythm with which feet and expression play on your face, swaying you all along.Whenever i dance, i feel like on the seventh sky, the moment of happiness is indescribable, its too quick, too beautiful, that it shows on my face while i tap my feet. I miss the hostel times for these moments, which will remain, yet will be missed.The freedom that job has given has been great, but has taken with it bonding and togetherness in a strange way.
Everywhere i see, there is a bit of frown in every smile, those steps while i dance now, stumble at times, that moment of gudbye has pain in it, That conversation i have has tinges of nostalgia, there is certain lack of trust in some people i know,there is warmth missing in those eyes and words, there is some love behind those terse words, some pain behind that tall face.
Welcome to the world of grown ups, welcome to life where every moment is precious!!
:)

The Within!!!

I am my owner,i am my own god...i am what it takes to drive me along..I am the owner of my emotions..I make and break my heart..I make and break my chances..I make my relations with people and i break them, i take blames and i give blames, i suffer pain because of nobody but me....I am the reason of everything happening to me..I am the power...

Ever wondered the emotional baggage you carry at points of time, resulting from some broken relations, some unfulfilled promises, people turning strange and ignoring you, some lost memories,some paths you take that lead you to nowhere, are all a result of you, the within.The power, the force that makes you live upto each day or feel like dying, the force that tests you till you break apart, then makes you pick up from scratch and emerge again, the force that makes you smile and cry and makes you understand your capabilities and your strengths that lay within you, untried, untested until storms hit you.Yes, the same force that makes you feel hurt when you are ignored, the same which urges you to take revenge, once u lose self respect, the one that makes u fight for urself against the world, against yourself, the weak you, to remerge as a hard rock.Yeah, rocks will get weathered up again, they might break apart again, but not in the same way as before.Not with the same intensity, maybe less, maybe more than before.But it will be worth giving it a try. You may feel terrible and messed up in case something bad hits you, but when those moments surpass, you will feel proud, great and confident to be discovering a new, better you. You may be once bitten twice shy, but whatever has to happen, will happen. You might feel extremely irritated, out of control, emotionall drained, lost and guilty to be repeating things, revisiting the horrors, and unable to handle the same things, but at the end of the day, you beat the metal with the hammer, and it takes shape. You are the metal and are taking shape, very soon or less..And thats how, life is, you never know,what,how, when and in what form, things strike you and end up making you stronger and weaker, depending on how you take them.But whatever goes, comes back, for sure.So, think, behave and act putting yourself in others' shoes because its a round robin phenomenon.Everbody's turn gonna come.When, you dont know. And keep in mind that when its your turn, you dont end up feeling tragic for how u changed things for someone when it was their turn....

Fascinated By Facebook !!

My silly work on facebook, i like the beauty and randomness of the thoughts which creep in all of a sudden:


Every night gives way to a light, brighter, brighter everyday, taking you in its sway, what to choose, the blinding yet true light or the ignorant and fascinating dark, to be finding the destiny with a lantern or be following a spark.. Ahem..ahem.. :):)
Mansi, the great poet of all times... Lol


Everybdys slept, i hear just the blaring horns and see the vast blue, my eyes need rest, but mind fails to take the clue.. Some silly questions make their way, the mind and heart both having their say... The commotion has started and i must sleep.. before the urge to write may creep.. :)

Smiles here, smiles there, just not one on my face, peace not there, peace not here, everybody is lost in the race. I feel at peace though i dont smile, i wish to be moving mile by mile... But what matters is how the journey goes.. Not the rush of footsteps, but the balance of the toes... Mansi. :)


U give me smiles, i give u the same, u show care, i do the same, u avoid and ignore, i learn the lessons and carry on with the game.... Ahem Ahem.. :)

The sunshine..

Every morning i get out of the office bus which drops me to office at school hours(read 8:15 a.m.), i walk for 5 mins to reach my office entrance.As i move along, i face the sun for an odd 2 min walk before disappearing in the huge logitech park, to be cornered in front of a Dell Plasma screen with keyboard in a so called Bay to work for my so called high performance delivering company. Those 2 minutes instill ine me the freshness needed to carry on with the ups and downs of an odd day.The sun's beautiful, not so harsh rays early morning, coupled with a cool environment and fresh air hanging along makes me feel as if am embracing the sun and its magic will work on me entire day.I feel so close to nature for those 2minutes, the air sweeping my face, the sunlight sparkling and poking me, and the silence making the moment sound like a prayer.It reminds me of the simple fact that beauty is all around, you just need to introspect,see and feel things around closely to relive the lost magic of the things you love to do.
My Full of life moment that i will be missing for sure in some time...

The Phoenix Arrives...

The first words of a phoenix at rebirth(from ashes):

Reduced to dirt, i have been lying here since long,

trying hard to wake up, to finally sing my own song..

The song of birth, reawakening from the doom..

The song of the spring, once gripped by pallor, flowers ready to bloom..

The song of fresh air, the song of the sparkling bright sunshine,

The song of the prayers, bell ringing in the shrine...

The song of my dreams left unfulfilled, the song of me laughing loud,

The song of my achievements, the song of the applause making me feel proud.

The song of beauty, the song of love sweeping me away,

The song of being me, the song of freedom,having my say.

The song of my hum, melodies emerging from within,

The happiness along, the beauty of the din.

The song of memories and my smiles,

The urge in me to run long miles,

I wanna sing my song, want you to sing along,

To finally celebrate the victory of right over wrong...

Come, lets sing my song, cheer for me..

Now that i have the bright feathers,let me flee.....

"A mythical bird that never dies, the phoenix flies far ahead to the front, always scanning the landscape and distant space. It represents our capacity for vision, for collecting sensory information about our environment and the events unfolding within it. The phoenix, with its great beauty, creates intense excitement and deathless inspiration." - The Feng Shui Handbook, feng shui Master Lam Kam Chuen

Two States...One dream.

Two states by Chetan bhagat was a real breezer with lots of humour and exciting snippets shelled out of the tangible difference between punjabi and Tamil culture.The struggle of Krissh Malhotra to get the love of his life, Ananya Swaminathan is no doubt, a tough nut to crack which has been very well accentuated with humour, logic and beautiful moments at exactly right situations.The family drama is all the more interesting.The way Krissh tries to convince Ananya's family is what any girl would call Sweet..Lol.But jokes apart, the sincerity that he shows by those truthful words of love towards her is amazing.How he stands up for all odds to make the both ends(read north and south) meet is fascinating...His theory of aiming for each parent individually is humorous.The way he proposes to entire family of ananya was very interesting.And to top all, typical Punjabi mother of Krissh, puts in hues of humour whenever she talks of the wedding gifts, market value of krish and all such trite remarks which dispel the truth about how difficult it really is to convince your family about castes different than yours.

Well, the story has a very happy ending with the two getting married happily amongst chaos of a Quiet tamil brahmin clad and loud Punjabi baratis ..:-)
Very well written and awesome ...:)

and finally, the two states emerge as one dream, nurtured carefully and fulfilled...

Through the window..

This window thing came out just on time when i wanted to feel nostalgic.Yes, the window of my room- my all time favourite, which i keep half open most of the times-
1)to feel the fresh air
2) to feel life as i remove the curtain
3)to feel being in Mumbai as i hear noise of a truck passing by and see vehicles speeding up at night or trailing down the Eastern express highway in a traffic jam.
4)To be giving attention(accidentally though!!) to the irritating marble cutting noises that the marble shop near our building produces at wee hours.
5)To remember good memories- all outings mean crossing the road, to take an auto.The road is clearly visible from the window.
6)To get back to " life on weekdays"(Read office office)-I cross the road everyday as the bus drop point is just so near and the window makes me connect to the reality of Mondays.. :-(
7)To think of Life.
8)To think of how it would be going away from Mumbai, leaving behind footprints of "just another visitor" to the city.
9) The La Italia Marble board -which helps me learn acceptance.The board is s boring yet stands there everyday, amongst the scenic background, and i have accepted it as part of the frame.Helps me realise that you have to accept things as they are.
10) The watchman's view-Another irritating thing i would like to get rid of.The watchman's window is just opposite our flat.As i look out, i see a watchman confined to a window, Peeping at our house, more of a spy than a watchman! Dont like it and have to put curtains on at times.But society security You know..!!
11) I just saw out and saw the bright yellow street light enlightening the path.So, the window lets me see light amidst darkness.
12)Huma - One of the boring malls(Read go and watch movie and come back..Too Boring to hang out)Huma is visible from window.
Well, i guess the window story was not as boring as i am realising it might be!!

I must sleep now...:-(

My back aches from sitting long reading and writing blogs...But the magic has got on me...I need to write more...One more writeup and then i will sleep..

Contrasts..

Spontaneity at time of happiness:

I love you....I too...
Take care...U too...
I am doomed..I too...
Good luck..You too...
I gotta go...I too...
God bless you...You too...

Takes an instant more to feel the hurt and revert back in own words:
I hate You... I hate you...
U are a liar...See yourself...
I dont want to talk 2 you...You dont deserve to do that..
Shut up...You shut Up...
Get out...You get out...
Go to hell...You go to hell...


And we say that in anger, we speak without thinking first.. :-)
Rather we think much more than needed, and then respond with a target to hurt the other person at a higher degree than he/she hurt us..

There are no "toos" here as in above cases as anger kills the entire concept of togetherness, so the toos go missing.Point My lord!

The art called writing..

I have spent almost 4 hours scrolling through some amazingly great blogs, thanks to my teammate Anu for it was her blog i started with and to her followers later on. I remembered she told me to check out her blog as she had written something new.As always,i asked her blog link and sometime later, read her recent posts.I was delighted to read her post where she has used great imaginations to create great situations out of images that flash by while she travels to home everyday.A very mature and beautiful post indeed.Something of the sort i will call "exciting plot".After a while, i started reading one of her follower's blog, saw his photo gallery and his posts.Amazing talent.I wonder how much talent we have in our country.Recently, i heard about a group of people in my company who blog, sharing their posts as a community.This included people from entire heirarchy, a senior manager, a manager and so on. I really admire beauty of words and the way people put up their thoughts.It fascinates me to be having a chance to peep into new worlds, imagined and created by people, and inspires me to write.Writing is a good way to understand pyschology, to get an idea of mindsets, it touches the soul, by giving you a fair idea of a persona.The best way to relate with a person is his/her writing.Subtleness, expressiveness,witty writeups,detailing of small things in wonderful ways,too abstract topics, incidents, etc etc. give you a sneak peak at how the writer sees the world..
Dedicated to all the people,whose blogs gave me a chance to write this up...

Holy matrimony??

Marriages, they say are made in heaven.True indeed.Are they really solemnised on earth? A million dollar question.It is more of a question that one should find answer to before tying the nuptial knot.Speaking of making marriages work, my opinion is that a marriage should be a union of mindsets,visions and souls.United souls for me mean amalgamation of understanding of differences in attitude, weaknesses, negativities, positivities and tolerance of each other.If you talk of compromises, yes, living under same roof and nurturing each other's life with love, care and dedication requires a lot of patience and compromise.But compromise should never be a compromise rather it should be tagged as understanding of differences. When these differences start becoming compromises, love doesnt flourish, it sustains itself.And life is about evolution, besides sustenance.This sustenance becomes intolerable when both parties start counting the compromises they have been making and the wall of bonds and relationships develops a crack.

I guess you cannot sustain with a person who cant bring smile on your face, who doesnt let you be yourself atleast at some times when all you want is being yourself. Possessiveness is negative but can be overcome with time when flowers of trust start blooming in your life.
However, if you look around, you will find lot many marriages surviving, despite the cracks, surviving generations galore,but is the happiness still there? Are those people living for themselves? Yeah, i agree living for the other person is what a great marriage may imply but if that is by an obligation rather a will, you cannot call it a succesful one.Controlling urges, wishes and dreams to be in a world of responsibilities and obligations where every action brings a forced smile to your face, is not what your life is really meant for.I guess its easily said than done.Agreed.

I guess love should be free like a bird, flying high with sparkle in eyes to take on the world in its flight. A marriage should be an epitome of acceptance,acceptance of differences, but this has to be mutual because one sided acceptance will become compromise, which will turn the flourishing relation to a sustaining one.You should like the person's thinking and attitude and his/her ability to handle differences.If one is emotionally weak, the other must be a supporting pillar in unfavourable times.If one is introvert, other must be sensible enough to understand silence.If one is short tempered, other must be calm and composed to an extent that he/she can adjust to the temper.Besides, all these weaknesses, understanding is a must.Ego is a big no when it comes to marriage.You may be an egotist by attitude but when it comes to conflicts, shed that characteristic, if you really want to be happy.Coz being egotist with your reflection, your better half, is no good idea.Also,You must understand the person heart and soul.You should be knowing when it hurts.
Last but not least, never repeat mistakes.Shed tears,talk to people, but do not speak words in haste that may make you regret.Heart once broken can be mended, but hurting again and again creates deep wounds which cripple the love and care that you invest in relationship and ultimately, it breaks bitterly never to be brought together again.

On an ending note, would just say that its easy when you let things go.When tempers rise, when faith is shaken, when minor mistakes happen, be calm, forget everything for a while, try smiling and then think again about the problem.Conflicts happen, they always will.But when it starts going beyond boundary, stop and shut yourself.Think about the ceremonies which bound you together.Think about the chants of panditji, blessings of all, the words you swore in front of all, when you took blessings of your parents after you got officially married, your good times...And you will wonder that negativity has converted into bful memories...

Wondering whether it was me who wrote such detail about marraige..:)

Its Diwali today!! The excitement that was visible in me when i left for home has faded by this time. Something is somehow amiss.The festival this year is not the same.I am not sad over anything in particluar neither i am too happy to be celebrating.Is it the growing unrest over my distorted interest in my job, or is it the hopelessness of not being able to move back home,now that m tired of living out,or is it a fact that things are not same?No idea.Just blank.I am not looking forward to anything big taking place in near future.There is no reason to be much happy for whats in store in few days.Work is boring, life is just okay and there are no miracles happening anymore.Getting used to be taking decisions on my own has been a tough task for me always.I think and think over opportunities and options and come back finally to where i was one day before .So, it kinda doesnt help me.Sometimes,I wonder what takes me back in taking bold desicions or even the smallest ones.Probably,lack of self confidence,fear of failure, pessimism,fear of losing hope or what?None of them.Something else, i dont know.Maybe god knows..:)
Anyways, at times, i find myself at extremes of emotion-sad, happy and gloomy.Typical cancerian,U know!!:)
When i am sad, m very sad, when i feel lonely, i feel so insecure and like crying and cribbbing,when i feel happy, i make others laugh.. :)
Anyways, that was me and by end of this post, my happy mood has regained momentum so i must move and see whats happening in house..
Silly me..:)

Festival Of Lights

The lamps are lit, the shops are decorated, there is a sweet smell of fresh sweets in the air, the people are in a hustle bustle with loads of gift wrapped packs of dry fruit and sweets to be delivered in a hurry.The view at night is all the more fascinating.The light of erathen lamps, light bulbs and ladian or chinese lights has belittled the darkness of amavasya.Its a big, bright night devoid of silence.The undending noise of the burning crackers is speaking loudly, the arrival of victory of Rama, the welcome ceremony of laxmi/dhan in households.The bells and chants are heard from every home.The crowd thronging the temple, laxmi-ganesh Pujan and the traidtional jalebi and milk doing the rounds is filling the air with sacred pride.We, the Indians,take pride in celebrating one of the most famous festivals of all times,Diwali!!
May every home be lighted today and may everybody have a smile on their face!!

O re manwa tu to bawra hai!!

Tu hi jane tu kya sochta hai bawre, jo barse sapne boond boond, naino ko moond ke..kaise me chalun , dekh na sakun, anjane raste, gunja sa hai koi ektaara....Rut hai ye dol pal ki ya rahegi sada, kise pata!!


How beautiful and meaningful.... Ohk, this is again a blog which glorifies the meaning of the amazing song from Wake up Sid, but it was worth giving it a shot!!
Ah..i will try not to bring up those stories of emotions again, try not promise.. :):)

Heart, man, dil, pagal...so many names of the beautiful relationship maker and breaker( Lol) Heart!! how beautiifully captured are the above lines, centered around the heart, the actions that one takes all dependent on what heart says. risk being that if things dont turn the way they should, u cant blame anybody else except u and ur heart ofcourse!! (Lol)

Yes, the context here is that even from the darkness of an uncertain future, not thinking of consequence,, people fall into love, to fall or rise for that matter, all credit/blame going to their desicions and ultimately to heart/mind(Read follow ur heart/mind) .
Often, when we think logically, we land up in safe investments, of time, love and effort.
But if we follow our hearts, we enter a risk Zone, shared by both you and the one you love, both subsiding fear of losing each other, ultimately coming up from fear which turns into a trust.Here, the workds depict the same feeling of fear, of walking in dark and capturing the light of love, confused as to whether the light is true or not...
Beautiful, isnt it..Now next time you hear the song, i bet you will find more meanings of the song!!

The good bad bye!!

The thought of this bye thing has been creeping in my mind since this evening.I have felt the " Bye syndrome" millions of times so finally decided to convert it into words.

So, so, so..Ever felt a tinge of pain and loneliness saying that Bye as a phone conversation ends with your dear ones..Ever felt a surge of momentarily sadness at putting down the receiver?Ever felt it difficult to speak those last words"Take care " as you end a lovely relationship? Ever felt a Strange sensation as a person u like a lot, departs to his own woven world, saying you "Bye , Stay in touch" ???If the answers are yes, you arent the stone hearted man/woman you think you are..:-)

Jokes apart, i just mean to capture that beautiful moment of realisation. realisation of a seperation, a detachment from what was on your mind and heart few minutes r years back, as the case maybe!!Dont know whether it happens with all or not, but happens a lot with me.I talk to my family often but at times, that "Bye" makes me feel nostalgic and lonely, makes me realise that i am far from them, i am not an active part of their world, or when talking to a friend after missing her a lot, that "Bye" makes me remember the times of bonding, or when in a difficult situation and turning upto friends for sympathy calls( read funny but true),the " bye" there makes me feel that howver close they can be, they can never fight in a way your inner strength can...Also, bidding farewell to people i know, makes me feel strange,detached and makes me realise that i will be building my survival mechanisms somewhere else, leaving behind memories, places, things and all......

Sounds hopeless, doesnt it..:)

But truth is that, emotions reside in every heart.Everybody feels the hurt.Everybody blooms with happiness at success and acheivement,.Everybody mourns the loss of something or someone dear.But, the intensity is different.The way energies are chanelised is different.The rescue operations, i.e. how to cope factor determines how strong or weak one is..
But they say, to each his own, so let it be..:)
Life is all about variety...Millions of people, trillions of emotions..:)
Bye take care

Dil Haarey Pukarey....

Ankho se jab bhi ho teri ankhen judaa,
man se jo bhi tera man khafa,
to jee pukarey, bulaye tujhe....
dil haarey pukare tujhe,man ja re mana le mujhe....

Everytime i listen to the beautiful beats of guitar followed by the heart mellowing lyrics, my mind wanders to the beautiful world of music, reinventing my belief that music is where i belong, music is what i should have pursued and music is which can do wonders, taking me to a different world altogether!!
The charming beats with stimulating effects of a painful odessey, or a joyous tale of love, or be it a nostalgic anecdote crafted into words indicating farewell or reunion intoxicate me with emotions.Simply beautiful!!Once, i was singing songs with my roommates during late hours and somehow, my mind came up with the above song, and i started singing it.
I enjoyed it a lot and still have the video of me singing the same, and when i look at it, i feel like a star.. :-)
Jokes apart, i wrote this up, just to share wat i feel about music..That music can heal, music can make u smile, cry, to be with yourself, to befit yourself in situations, to dream and to relate with...Sometimes, some songs written by lyricists become accidental life stories for some..Sometimes, uncertain ideas when presented lead to beautiful nuances and become hits...
Thats what life is..Nothing is constant except uncertainty..

Behind the doors of shahjahan..

Chowringhee...


Recently,I got a chance to read a beautiful novel Chowringhee, courtesy my nice colleague Rajiv who has a part in keeping my reading habits alive by providing me with his new, crsip novels.
The novel was based on the 'not so bright as it seems' life in one of the best hotels of calcutta,Shahjahan.The novel shows the dark side of High society and the darkness behind the courteous exchanges as seen by an advocate, who is offered a receptionist job in shahjahan due to job crunch. The author,Shankar Sinha has beautifully shaped the eventful history and darkness behind the glitz and pomp of the lively hotel, shahjahan, standing erect since ages.The novel had a multitude of characters , all gripped by fate to be living an unchosen life with smile on their faces.
It was heartening to read about the hostess Karabi Guha, Sohrabi, at the bar,the Bar dancer Connie and his poor brother Lambredta , the Singer, i dont remember the name. :) And last but not the least,the account of Bose da, my favourite character , a serene, pure at heart, mature and affectionate person, and Sujata, the charming air hostess, was very heartening and literally made me cry..

The manager has been portrayed as a shrewd, heartless fellow who ran the hotel well, his demenaour being a talk of the town among the hotel workers.But, his tormenting past, lovelost as he was, he gets a chance to bind the remaining tattered pieces of his life...

There has been a detailed account of the furtive visits of a very big socialite, in the wee hours, who at all times manages to keep her indecent endeavours at a hush from his businessman husband, who trusts her blindly.
Chowringhee has truly opened new visions to what lies beneath glitz and celebration at suites and hotels. And next time i visit some hotel , i am surely gonna stare and make what is there to the people attending to the guests.

Aj din chadeya tere rang warga....
By Rahat Fateh ali Khan

"Baksha gunaho ko
Sun ke duwao ko,
Rabba Pyaar hai,
Tune sab ko hi de diya...........

Meri bhi aahon ko
Sun le duwao ko
Mujhko woh dila
mene jisko hai dil diya....

Manga jo mera hai
Jata kya tera hai
Mene kaun si tujhse jannat manga li
Kaisa khuda hai tu
Bas naam ka hai tu
Rabba jo teri
itni si bhi na chali....

Chahiye Jo mujhe
Kar de tu mujhko ata

Jeeti rahi saltanat teri
Jeeti rahe ashiqui meri

Dede mujhe zindagi meri
Tenu dil da vasta....."

The mesmerising lyrics insitill me with a beautiful feeling of achievement -to be hearing such beautiful words.Hats off to the lyricist who has done a superb job.The song is a innocent prayer by a true lover to god/Rab asking for him to write his destiny , with the girl being a part of his life..He very beautiful and innocently like a 1 yr old kid asking for his favourite toy,expresses his lifelong wish to get the girl he loves the most.He sweetly complains to god that as he forbids everybody, giving them love in life, similarly, he should be listening to his constant prayers and his sincere wait should be over now...
Rabba mere naam kar use, tenu dil da vasta....
How beautiful , isnt it??

The following lines of song symbolise his dogged determination and true love and the beauty lies in the harmless complaint that he puts forth before god :


Manga jo mera hai
Jata kya tera hai
Mene kaun si
tujhse jannat manga li..

People ask god for selfish and worldly desires, dreams ,ambitions to be fulfilled..and here is this poor sweet guy who falls in love, yet believes god to show him way at every sep he takes.

He has strong belief in god, yet tries to push Rab to bless him wih love soon, by challenging :

Kaisa khuda hai tu
Bas naam ka hai tu
Rabba jo teri itni si bhi na chali.................
Then his heart pours out his true feelings...he wishes that his supreme power may rein the world endlessly, and his love may bloom for ages..

It feels great to hear such a refreshing and true to heart melody of true love, mixed with a childlike innocence....
Hats off to indian Music...:-)

Dev D!!

Does Dev D speak the heart and minds of todays youth in some way?Am i asking a question or stating an assumption?? I don't know.I just saw this movie some time back and could visualise smoke, drinks, money and all things which i should not have remembered, till i set my foot out of the mall i was in to watch the movie!Must say, the movie cast a spell-although i am unable to categorise it-magical/spooky/eerie????Again, dont know is the answer i would cling to...:)
because, to whosoever i popped up the question of the view about the movie, i have got positive replies.As per me, the movie is a bold foray into the realities tugged behind cushions of vanity and riches.Also, the movie,behind the hazy pictures of smoke, drinks and what not,tries to see through the unseen and unspoke of realities that we avoid to face every single day.Behind the closed shutters,games of money play their part-money moving from one hand to other hand,emotions tarnished by artifical smiles and exchange of words polished by an urge to earn-earn some bits of paper, the only thing which can substantiate survival in this cruel world.And, the D factor, or the D connection, hints at doom,silent doom when the lead actor immerses himself in the sea of remorse and failing in a bit to heal his wounds, ends up ruining them more everytime.Patna ke presleys..:) do some emotional atyachaar by speaking words that had been better left unspoken..:) Anyways, they do their job well by making mahii dance to their tunes,and introducing desi jazz to the wishlist of our bright and cheerful gen X...:) Recollecting the thoughts in my mind as i moved out of the cinema hall, i can just say that the movie is an open jigsaw game,open to interpretations and critique....:)
Dev D...
Amazing songs must say!!

A transient comeback...

As i visited my blog after a long span of time which has woven me into boring schedule that a typical IT job has to offer, i felt in me the urge to write up something, just simple for the sake of writing.Would not mind mentioning here, that having accidentally developed a follower of my blog and some good comments by readers in my kitty, i felt obliged towards producing a write up ..:)
ummmm...writing is a big addiction,one must say!!I still remember sitting long , diving deeply into the world of words,flipping pages of my vocab and memory just to make the right words hit the emotional schema of plots used in my poems...:) sounds too technical..!!So, by now the readers should have made out that this blog is a haphazard piece of some random thoughts and is written without any particular idea in mind.As i started blogging, i must admit i used to check it trillions of times to see my posts commented by and answering them once a while..:) But as i started writing frequently, it developed into a passion, wherein i just loved converting any vague emotion or a visualization, or maybe a typical hindi movie plot etc etc...to my own world of woven words, wherein i could morph, modify, construct and brighten up some little things which we ignore otherwise.Time flew by and i became busy in my IT job.Lack of time drifted me away, into a different, monotonous unexpressive world, where i felt that writing is a tedious job.But as they say, beauty never fades, once unvieled, you cant hide from it.So, here i am, almost at the end of the urge to write, now that i have discovered that i can still write the same way, just need some more thoughts.i feel rejuvenated that the panache to write is still there in me...:):)