From nowhere to memories of Rishikesh!! :-)

Everytime,i come back to this space, i have only one line on my mind "I am back to my truest vent out zone"..When thoughts, visuals and words fill upto the brim and its time i pour them and tug them in some safe place, i call for you, my blog!Years of pondering all penned down randomly,contexts and logics all jumbled,but each word having a different meaning everytime i sit down and read the same(Though its rare.. :-P as i am not that good a reader).

Every single day,am i striding down a fun slide,just hoping that it doesn't end too soon or climbing up the magic leader leading me to somewhere, i wonder?? A look around, and i see crowd,busy with themselves.Ahead, sighs and an inside rush of feelings to gather up all strength, miles to tread.Behind,rare,but its all a faded flash of good and bad memories,experiences and nostalgia.And lots of smiles,lots of dear ones who made my days,brought happiness in one way or another.Had been to a trip and am one aspiration down the adventure lane.River Rafting on the ganges and lots of fun in Rishikesh. The biggest part being the jump from cliff,where i felt i conquered my fear of heights to some extent. Everytime i go for adventure trips, i realize how much i love adventure and how much i want to go and experience nature.It brings the child in me and happiness unbound.Everytime i went through a rapid which made the raft about to topple down,i felt a rush down my spine, a rush to save myself,and others from falling from raft,rowed so fast and we came out,conquering every rapid and cheering for victory.Awesome feeling and the smiles on everybody's faces added to the excitement.We dropped in ganges many times,holding the raft everytime and it was so much fun. Rafting has been on my mind since a lot of time and am thankful an abrupt plan made it materialize into a memorable experience.

Well,the ones still on my mind are bungee jumping and sky diving -wish to do them someday,fingers crossed.

Posting some pics of the awesome trip! Every pic has a story.. :-)

!!True Romance!!

A movie,1993,close to Pulp fiction.Life,death, evil acts all simplified in a single platform.a casual sattire on one of the most gruelling truths of life,death.Ends on a happy note.What struck me was a ironical display of belongingness,of love,care and emotions amidst brutality,crime and the greed for money.Contradictions-are they so easy to portray? Can we be good to some and evil to others at the same time?? Do we all wear multi faceted masks,changing one each time,to get our parts right all the time? Do we act good ,when deep inside we hate what we do?Do we or dont we??No thought,or a lot of thought?? Perhaps,no thought,all is fiction.
But, when you see stories of brutality and revenge in newspapers,media all around,you feel estranged. Every alternate day,some or the other story of a revenge,of dowry deaths,of people not managing well with each other peacefully after marriage,the persons in question being the "ones who were once upon in love with each other"? When love starts making you what you never wanted to be,is it still love?You should fall in love,and rise thereafter.But if the feeling of being in love makes you think that you were better off single,its not love anymore...Is it a gift of our high collared jobs which leave us with less time for bonding with our loved ones?Or the westernisation of ideas where breaking trust is no more a sin,or where the frustration of working hard with not much recognition leashes upon tender relationships?or where some decisions are borne out of circumstances than will??
Wonder,as its high time we recollect,retrospect and realize how important relationships are and whether we can accept a person at his/her worst before looking at brighter sides .And put an end to ignoring the differences and endless arguments above certain limits and reconcile with realities with an open mind and an open heart?
And love shall prevail.

A new world!

You return to things which are your own, which never desert you even when you remember them only when you need them.And thus,i return to writing again,with new thoughts and many more things on mind than my words can describe.Hurt,love,care,ego,indifference,
guilt,misunderstanding, longingness- are somethings which make us feel,sense and react.We keep ourselves entangled in webs created by our own feelings,changing our perceptions,and wavering from our beliefs from time to time,between the battles of heart and mind,one outweighing other alternately.But at times i wonder- is there a world out there where the feelings are not materialistic,where affection is not the parameter of love,where actions not only speak but show louder too?? Where misunderstandings are trampled before they grow into differences? Where egos mean nothing but strands of dust which are wiped clean,every time they start collecting at surface of bful relationships? Where letting go is in your blood,so much that you hardly care who does what as long as you don't hurt anyone?Where the object of love is not words but silence? Where insecurities are nothing but figments of imaginations which wil never come true?? Where trust is a part of every breath you take?
Wonder,it was so easy!

The wait!

Wait...wait..wait.. am falling behind,
wonder if i have pressed "forward" or "rewind".
I want to fly high,far away from all things,
You promised, if i follow you,you shall give me wings..
I am lost,guessing,if i am limping or is it a start of a flight,
some clue,and i will think more dear of my plight.
I wonder,if my prayers reach you,
waiting to be amongst the lucky few.
when, answered will be whatever i ask for most,
smiling and twinkling,i shall raise a toast.
I wait to thank you and my stars,
and for the end of some silent wars..

And back again! :)

Just when you think life has become stagnant and its only you who has not been moving since a long time,you dont realise that you have been making most of the moves,which go unnoticed.Not that all of them are in your favour,but you change,emerge,put a step forward,limp back 4 steps,but you still keep moving.Look back and i see wonderful memories of times which will never come back.Blink,and i see the things around.Peace,but something is amiss.Yet some compensation.Or is it? I wonder.I feel if whatever i do,whatever i say and whatever i assume,plan and put into action,is it what i really want or am i still holding on to time?Are the diversions in the plan,appropriate?Am i still driven by the vision that has led me to places or is it that my vision is missing some spots,one of which could be the lights that will light the space and the world around me.I wonder.I think,but not much. And i feel,dream,smile while i tuck those dreams somewhere near my heart,every dream,longed for,things asked for,prayed for,and thought over and over for.Well,when those dreams materialise is something which i don't fret about,now.Because,they change often and when they do, there is no point pondering over them if you know that they are gonna be wiped off your memory soon.
Such is life.Things happen,sometimes for reasons,many times for no reason,of which you find reasons somehow.You react,smile,fret,cry or laugh it out but you have to live with it.

The Sky,does it matter if its october one!!!

Just ended up watching a wonderful movie,October Sky.As i listen to Atif aslam's new track and write this up, i am feeling so pepped up and great to be waking up late and watching the movie i mentioned.Super work.Great direction,characters well played,Homer,John Hickam and the Rocket Guys. A must for those who take the odd path and have a tendency to get defeated by odds.Homer hickam epitomises a man of conviction,perseverence,determination,wit and grit.How the Rocket guys manage to design a rocket by endless attempts on stretch of barren land,far from Coal city,and end up standing different.Wow!! My takeaways,if you cant get it,you got to beat it!!Success doesnt come dear.Decisions falter.Faith stumbles.Circumstances cheat.But what stands apart is the will power,the determination,the voice inside that you will get it,one day and that day is what you will have to form out of your conviction,hard work and belief.And somewhere it has motivated me,to believe,stand and walk proud because it doesnt matter if you really get it or not,that comes really later.What precludes is the belief,will power and the efforts.I will put efforts,dreaming that i will make it big one day.Yes,i know i will. But i have to keep my eyes open,wide open.Even if the world forces me to move my goal out of sight,even if the winds blow too hard and direct my goal somewhere else,but i shall find it whatever may happen.Because i am made to try,to fall and rise till one day,the velocity of my efforts overcomes the gravity of the roadblocks and help me escape with an escape velocity and i will orbit around the world of my dreams.Wow, i am already writing in terms of space.Among other things,I know am gonna write,write a lot.And i will,like now.
Thanks October Sky.You really made a difference, atleast to the way i am thinking right now,at the moment.And i love the way i am feeling at this moment. :-)

Miracles!!

How strange it is that "NO News"becomes the hottest buzz just in a span of some years!Guess what,miracles.Yes,am talking of relationships.Was just going through my Facebook account and was wondering that so many of my college seniors and my collegemates married each other,who surprisingly didnt know much about each other,during those hay days.Wonderful and great news kept pouring in,thanks to facebook,:-).Networking or maybe same location of work,but isnt it so beautiful that those people crossed roads time and again to be soulmates one day?I am left in awe at this strange work of the almighty,or you can say the circumstances,destiny or whatever name you want it to fit in.And love happens,and i think two birds who have known each other in college times when pretence was at its minimum,there cant be better choice for them than being together.I feel so happy whenever i see such things happening and it feels great to be knowing both the sides :-).Well love just happens,or you can say at times,you make it happen.!! :-)

Going on!!

What does it take to settle whats going on inside you??Assurances,lot of them.Thinking,it never stops.A shoulder to cry,rare.Sympathies,who cares about them.Someone who understands,probably.Or reconciliations,they are in most of the times the only choices you have and you need to make,however hard you try to run away.And one fine day,you give up on what you have been fighting for, making compromises.Compromises that change the course what you had planned for yourself,just when you had thought that after struggles,you are being directed to what you have always dreamt of,and you are left feeling,lost,confused and devastated.Still,you carry yourself together again and take up the challenge.But i always wonder,defeats bring strength but what else do they bring? Do they deter you from dreaming big? No,but they certainly put filters to your dreams.You dream realistic dreams,practical ones,where you know you have to be accepting obstacles,however tired you feel,you have to keep going on.Going on,with vision but no expectation,till you find happiness in whatever that comes your way.'Happiness doesn't mean everything is perfect,it means you have decided to look beyond imperfections'.I have always loved this quote and i have been trying since ages to implement it.I fail at times,sometimes,i live upto it.I experience extremes of emotions at times like a small child,who wants the world and whimpers when he doesn't have it though he knows that its impossible,and smiles the next moment,as if nothing happened.Beacuse Life goes on.Without anybody realising when you shed tears or when you smiled your best,when you were in sorrow or when you celebrated your biggest achivement.When you were experiencing a turmoil or when you discovered 'tranquility'.When you felt bad at that smallest remark or when someone's compliment made your day.Nobody cares.Life still goes on.And you have to keep moving,no matter what...

Nothing but totally Strange!!!

Strange is the word which can describe what i am feeling right now!! Though what all is running in my mind is utter truth,but its just that the realisation and acknowledgement of it is making me think.Think whats there to this life we all live. Pretence ,money relationships ,truths,lies, love, hate,competition,fear and so many things that we thrive on,leading us to no purpose but a mean survival.And yet everyone of us is special.In their own ways.Was watching the movie Thank you sometime back,an all good movie with a very wise mesage. :-) But what struck me was the thought that it is so true that despite being aware of our precious most possessions and the people who make our world better anytime,we look for answers to our questions outside.Taken for granted,is what we make of those people and those things which keep our life moving even when everything and everybody else stop.But shouldnt you cherish such people and such memories which make you wipe your tears and feel protected,cared for and needed in times when this world seems to be a weird place.When in sorrow or in anguish,just remember the expressions,faces and the words which soothe you and bring you back to your smiles.And you will never forget those people,even if you are never in touch.I was just wondering about a sea of changes i have seen in the past year,not with me but also with people around me,connected,unconnected.Some changes make me feel happy,some jealous to be frank,some make me feel better,most make me feel nothing.But what has remained same is some people who have made me understand life at every step,some situations that have made me stronger every day,some tough times that have made me smile all along and ofcourse my belief.Strange is life,you grow upon your thoughts and vision by every moment,till a time comes when some of the biggest surprises fade away with a slight smile.Life is such a strange thing!!!

Before the sunrise!!

Its 3 am and am having a whale of time.Just done with "before the sunrise" .Vacation at home means idling around and having to do whatever i want to,being weird,rather being my own in whatever i wish to do,apart from the other maniac IT life that we all live.Amazing movie,must say.Loved every bit of it.Though the costumes were mundane,but the movie was so full of beautiful things.Love,oh i would want love to be like that.A freedom of expression,thoughts and yet that subtle "knowing" yet not asking.Especially liked the enactment at : 1) record playing booth when both the guy and the girl(Ok,the movie is about a french girl and an American guy,who accidentally meet in a train and decide to roam around vienna for a night,at random just when they know that there is some connection between them!) glance at each other in turns,and shy away just when they see the other one looking!1 :-) 2) At the restaurant where they act as if they are calling their friends and talk 2 each other,rather confess what they have liked about each other entire day.The thing which struck me and that is so true also,is that the subjects were so frank in talking about their dreams,fears and many other truths but they couldnt discuss that they liked each other so much,with ease.Guess, a fear as the girl confessed later,or maybe the typical "men first" feeling,or maybe the "is it the one??" syndrome in guy's mind,but whatever,the movie truly depicted what goes on in those two minds,when you meet someone really interesting,and are in the process of knowing and liking each other.Well,too many cooks spoil the broth and too many words too?? :-) Thats the reason they discovered love gradually.All those beautiful conversations they had,left me feeling could love be so free,so beautiful and so interesting? Where you just talk yourself out,anything except whats expected out of you to speak? Could you be discussing all what you are interested in rather than the same set of questions which remind you of your identity,your work or all what you do in everyday life? Isn't telling things which you value,adore or believe,things which have made a mark in your soul,your fears,desires,confessions a much more better way to introduce yourself when you meet for the first time?Love those philosophical and "soul searching" questions which make me feel out of this world,which make me think ahead of numbers,statistics,which make me hear sounds much different than those of a music player playing nearby,or look ahead of the hustle bustle while am sipping a coffee at some crowded place,or make me stare at a person or a thing and think something else ,so abstract yet so beautiful,or make me daydream and smile when what i pretend outside is so much different,or that feeling of butterflies in my stomach while am having a tough time trying to be serious apparently.Beautiful,isnt it? But you gotta have someone to understand all that.Someone of the same vision,looking in the same direction,that same sunrise,which you see that late evening,when the sun is supposedly bound to set.:-)
Well,of the movie,a perfect one to make you feel good,and make you feel in love for the time it plays. Liked some lines which i noted,to make a memory of them:
1)When the guy says that love is so selfish , the girl replies in turn,"But everything that we do in this world is about being loved or more than that!!"
So true!
2)When they are having this discussion ,she narrates a story about a lonely old guy who has been running around his career all life and she says"you know if one day god comes,he would not be in you,me but in the little space between us.If there is any kind of magic in this world,it
must be in attempt of understanding someone sharing something!!"

Loved this one,really!!I know that many conversations i had with so many people which might never be revisited,what shall remain of them always is " the attempt!!"
3)The guy is narrating some lines of a poem :"The years shall run like rabbits!!"

A worth watch..!!
:-)

The year and a half!! :-)

Nothing specific that i should write,yet i am getting lots of things on my mind, which are leaving me in a dilemma.The feeling of leaving behind,zillions of memories has already taken its place.Come nostalgia and moments that can be counted on fingers.Lots of places.People,wonderful and so good.Memories,galore, almost good,some bitter but the good ones overshadowing the former.Work,satisfying.Some experiences,"who cares",others "to be remembered ".:-) Smiles,tugged loads of them in my memories :-) Gym workouts,fun and happening at times. :-) Cycling-one of the best times, instilling that "free bird" feeling in me at times,on early mornings,dark,semi dark,bright and windy.Walks- the "my time".Meeting people- learnings(though the learnings are transient :-)) and yes,a belief,that gets stronger everytime.Friends- cant count, too many to leave behind. :-( Conversations at workplace-Cherished always.Treks- Best part,made me love adventure sports and made me discover the passion in me which i never knew,exists- that risk taking and the nature lover in me.Every trek has been so enriching and the gang, they just rock! :)Guitar- A different experience in itself!!Hurdles-who cares, they always remain.:-) Events- The years have been too eventful must say.Dance- Loved every part of it! :-) Moments with room mates-Unforgettable and cherished always,had the best times here!Lessons- Professional and personal,many but not implemented yet. :-) Confidence-Boost!Weekend masti-Gonna miss it big time! Trips and friends- To be missed big time!Shopping - :-) Non stop talking-Still Best at it!!

In all, i cherish the time i spent here and every minute memory is intact.Happy about it! So,its time i say adieu to the place and make way for new place, and mark an end to a long long journey and turn paths now.. :-) Hoping for the best!

Whiff of air!!

Sitting at a corner of a room,i am listening to songs randomly,picking them up from a collection of english songs.Thinking something,aah,many things at the same time.Assuring myself of some decisions am taking, trying to forget some experiences clouding the mind,and dreaming of a beautiful whiff of air blowing me away.Beautiful air, a pathway with green,red and yellow leaves,some wet,some dried, spread carelessly down the big trees. Dim street lights falling on the pathway ,brightening into a yellow dot as you look above and gaze continously at them.The sound of air and the dried leaves getting trampled by as you walk above the carpet of flowers and leaves spread to welcome you.Beautiful,isnt it? And nice music playing by.I am missing something,really. :-)

Lets Create memories!!!!

Just went to water filling station near my workplace.Chatted with the person who takes care of the water cooler and asked about the unavailibility of cold water,as always.At times,i feel the need to communicate to somebody unknown,somebody outside my world,just to make me feel connected to everything around me,to make me feel going on,to make me feeel living rather than surviving.Just noticed the poster of a smiling handsome guy with his family,on the CCD coffee machine,for the 10th time i guess. Whats so good about the poster that catches attention?Happiness and contentment in his smile.Happiness, is it just what shows on your face,or is it what reflects in your personality?At times,i feel so much like a clay model. Sea of emotions running by,make me smile at an instant and frown at the other.Make me blabber and utter so many things at the same time.Making me nervous and fumbling for words at the times when communicating clearly is so much important.Overexcited at simplest of things at times,even when i know i am being so silly,and smiling at it later to be making fool of myself. :-)
Flawed? Everyone is,but i presume it to be a part of a happy "me".No grudges,nothing clouding your mind at the end of the day is such a light phenomenon.Break your head twice,thrice or millions of times over something pestering you,but when you sleep,you should sleep a dead man.After all,who knows 10 years later,which chair you hold, a CEO,an enterpreneur or an idle person.Uncertainties claim time .Yes,they do.But what you shall cherish, some years later,and you still feel pride about,are called "Memories". Bet it.Memories,you make them every moment of your life.Memories,which take forms of faces,events,calendar dates,that "not so often" smile,places and those tears which well up ,out of nowhere.Create happiness,and memories follow.Create sadness,anger or hate,and memories follow again.The Key is to have short term memory loss for the negative ones and make place for those that deserve to be a part of your world.Say yes to life and people who make you smile and create memories,which you know shall stay with you forever.Forgive more and regret less.Smile and make others smile twice.Compliment people as much as you can and one odd day,when you are low,you will realise how a sweet compliment restored your confidence and will power.Believe in yourself,and believe in others too.Make mistakes and try not thinking about their ill effects for a while.Stand up and run when you are expected to walk.Look up at the sky when you get to experience a scenic view.Feel lucky and blessed to be getting lots of air,sunlight and warmth.And you will realise that you have been surrounded by Memories...!!!!

An Instant!!!!

An instant it takes to turn the page,

an instant to turn a smile into a rage.

An instant to turn a frown into the sweetest blush ever,

an instant to know you need to be there,forever.

A blink of an eye to see through those eyes,

an instant it takes and no sooner than that,a tear dries.

An instant to dream the biggest dream,

few moments to make memories which made your eyes gleam.

An instant and you know you're gone,lost and mad,

and moments later,to know that it turned out to be rather bad.

But an instant later, faith restores,

coz theres so much in life's stores.

Enough to make you cry,smile and wonder when is it enough,

enough to make you try it all,green patches and terrains rocky and rough.

Mother!!!

“You are my shadow,the one at my side all times,
Singing for me since ages,the sweet lullabies and the nursery rhymes.
You make me feel am a star but what you dont know is that you're my blue sky,
On top of world or sinking in sorrow,i love to find you always standing by.
Love you mother,i just wish i could be somewhat like you,
an epitome of forgiveness,Love,care and feelings so true.
Love you mom,Happy mothers day!
May god bless me with you in all my births, i can just pray.”

The well being!!

Fitness- Is it about those wonder curves,those six pack abs or a perfect physique? Or is it about a consciousness that you need to be doing something good to your body, on and off. I never knew that i would love adventure sports and trekking so much before i tried all.I never knew i could cycle all the way 20 kms non stop on a close to rickety cycle and enjoy coffee and "jalebi" at a restaurant after the milestone. :-) I never knew i could enjoy abosutely,an hour of exhausting aerobics with almost similar music every alternate day and turn out being friends with some amazing ladies,feel confident to be working up on stepper combos and be smiling at the dance steps and expressions of the wonderful trainer in the special "Dance sessions" every saturday.Not being regular is another story ofcourse. :-) And yep, those rare evenings when i visit the gym,courtesy my waking up late and missing the morning time, where the young crowd and tempo is at max and you feel great to be in such a place!!;-) I never knew i could enjoy the ride back from gym in the same rickety cycle, and love my favourite lane,surrounded by beautiful trees,so much that i just look up and nowhere else while driving across the same.And ofcourse the adventure activities back there in my workplace,each one of which resulted in beautiful memories and a certain peace and tranquility that i could never have experienced so easily.And the cliffs and the rocks, and doing weird things like walking on a narrow lane,valley on one side,and getting a scolding from my friends,frequent trekkers,for risking my life,in an instant.Those innumerable photography sessions on seeing every scenic view,a beautiful tree,a big rock,signs and stretches,and being the photographer in reurn for every photo of mine getting clicked alone..!!Wonderful times,must say! And yes, the experience of walkin and climbing in Moon light(suggested by our group leader),with all torches off,on a night trek,listening to animals and birds' voice echoing in the valley was an experience i would remember everytime i will think of a trek.And the shrieks of groups mimicking lion's roar,reciprocated by similar shouts from some other corners.And the food together with limited resources at a small pretty old house,with innocent people,and the bonfire and lots of ghost stories being narrated there.Unable to sleep in the temple,afraid of ghosts,feeling cold and bitten by mosquitoes and what not, i wonder i could have such moments again,as discomfort added much more to the adventure trips.I recall everything,every detail as i write down a precise of the adventure experiences i became a part of here.And the valley crossing, an amazing experience, when you turn your head down,in middle of valley,stuck by a rope, looking at expanse, and a fear mixed with awe which makes you feel just so great.And the local buses,superpacked and the struggle to get seated in them, returning home tired,torn and exhausted and the picassa link exhanges and a series of mails the next day.Oh,i have started missing the fun already.

And talking of it,the badminton sessions in my society, roomies,cousin and his friends,have been so good and enjoyable.
So, arent they a part of the fitness plan? Yes,they do result in fitness and well being,bringing a sense of peace and health with unmatched memories.

and am here again!!!

Theres something which keeps reminding me that am needed here,on the blog to pen down atleast something,even if nobody reads.:-) Yep,its too tough to find readers these days,so the pause! I dont even know what to write but theres something i wish to convey,to speak up.Bored.Slowed down.Looking back,on and off. Faded views. Distorted images.Want to live up some of them.A long way.Really a long one.Whats ahead? Some news,but not big enough to keep me engrossed.Guess when we find happiness so much in even smallest of things,the bigger things too don' t matter.If something i am wishing materializes,good,if it doesn't,for better.Sick of few things.Few things that are helpless.Whats taking me right now is the feeling of home !:) But lies ahead many challenges too.And of course a long lovely breakkk..:) But lots of goodbyes. So many faces that will never become a part of my days,everyday.So many cherishes conversations,that will fade away like the smoke.Friends, amazing moments with them,trips,movies,wonderful times that will turn into a smile whenever thought of. And many more memories,some worth remembering,some just like that.Some confusing situations and some fights in office.:-) But yes,i will miss Pune a lot. The times and situations here gave me an attitude which made me realise that life isnt easy,and i have learned to be happy with whatever i have,and whatever,i get be it good,bad or better.Guess life takes you places and makes you meet people,everything with a purpose.

Basics!Writer,anybodyy..:)

They say,i had better become a writer,i too think the same.As i start to write, my hands decipher whats on my mind so well,that i feel awed reading it all later.Was i the one who drafted this?Was i the one who could think this big? But yes,restriction,thats where you get the point.How much do you want to pen down? How many thoughts you want to put out to readers who hardly know you?How much you want to control the urge to write and take the readers in teh sea of imagination that you swim in,whenever you start writing is the catch.Well, there are no rules, no constraints and no protocols. It doesnt matter even at the end of the day,how much information,facts or lies you put out,its all about perceptions.You may be damn honest about your opinions,but how it is being percepted upon,is what matters.Food for thought,eh?Not really,its all what everybody knows.You buy a book,read it but what if at the end of 100 odd pages,you dont believe the writer?You stop reading.Or skip the pages,or just read for sake of curiosity.Whatever,who cares.But for the writer,its his world of dreams that you are talking about here.Its about every thought that crossed his mind,at the time he was writing.Lovely,isnt it? That you get to decipher whats on someone's mind at a time.Is it really? Naah,he may be faking,man.But yes somewhere he has written coz hes a part of that process.
So much stuff fed to your grey cells at the same time? I am myself awed,cant help it.:-)

Leave out all the rest!!

What do you feel just after you have watched loads of good TV stuff? Say an amazing movie,Edge of darkness, am just done with that one.And lots of TLC Channel,wow that channel is such an interesting thing to watch. But whats on my mind? The amazing concept of the movie,eh?Or the great recipes that they showed on TLC? Or that handsome host of the Travellers ,or scotland through his eyes,eh? Naah.Or the song thats playing in the background as i pen down some words? Some of it.:-) But something else too.Something that has been a bit troublesome,not extraordinary ofcourse.I know i shall be able to handle it,just a day or two.Dont wanna be impulsive and ruin it.Anyways, the aerobics session today at gym was so different from other days,it was so exhausting and so interesting at same time.Do those hindi numbers,read famous and overplayed,give you a high everytime?Except when you love dancing and go crazy and in third world when you dance,like me..hehe..Credits to the trainer,everytime he turns there,he does magic to the people.One hour,lots of jumping,dancing,exhauastion,and dance.(The best part of it :-)) And you come home happy,like me,not minding waking up at odd 6:00 am alternate days of the week.Today,i turned there,too serious,thinking things,and came back,poised,overjoyed and elated to see a sea of conscious people (read ladies,with awesome tempo) hitting the gym.And never mind,the small distance i cover cycling back,afraid now and then of stupid people(who dont have driving sense at all) hitting me,thanks to my rickety cycle which can break apart anytime, tajing extra caution as if am driving my new BMW.:-) And the beautiful lane of course,so well covered with beautiful trees,my favourite part of the drive to and forth.
Well,am still on the thinking terms? Am i? Kind of, no am not going to feel like a stupid tomorrow.Done.Ha, we live on 2 edges all time,dont we? The one between yes and no.The yes nodding to a decision and No again taking us back from the one.Well,destiny,you play.I backoff.
I leave everything,rather than leaving the rest out! Later!!

The D day!

I will fade one day, the day when time will have its say. when dreams will become no more than crumpled remains of a life well learnt, more like some unread pages of a book still unburnt. And there will be no confusions and decisions, no calculations,complexities and effects of precisions. When fate will not be able to overcome every big thought, Transfixed will be smile,regardless of the toll every decision brought. I will end smiling as i do always, and years after, One fine day,you shall see me shining with the sunrays. I will reside in a morning,a sunrise,and a sunset, eternal,glorious and beautiful,with no regret.

Dream on!!

Lets make a new world,lets get together,
lets dream big,fly with that golden feather.
That feather we've been holding somewhere deep in our heart,
its time to make the big leap,time to act smart.
Time to move above the web of fears, entagling you every now and then,
to shine bright,sparkle and forget "how?where and when?"
The moment wherein you need to don another cap,
to stand upfront,not caring if its a pat or a slap.
Just read your mind,remember your goals and wear a smile,
Shadow your fate,walk faster,you've got to be reaching the last mile.
Everytime you fall,blink an eye and imagine victory touching your feet,
and as you hold on,you reach your dreams with every heart beat.
Even if you dont win at the end of it all,isnt it a lesson of a life well spent??
all your sweat and blood woven in your successes,theres nothing to repent!!

Growing up.............

Everytime i look back,i realise that some things havent changed,among a sea of changes that am observing around me since long.Some things and some people to be precise.Neither for my good nor for their bad.Some dreams that i had woven years back,could have been mistaken dreams but actually some silly nothings lie strewn in mud,somewhere near the shore,uncared,unwanted and in no hurry to be fulfilled.Some visualisations have blurred,rather some of them have turned opaque,a white opaque, to be moulded to any colour you cover them up in.Memories have been intact too,though they have changed forms drastically,bitter sweet and sweet bitter.Trust,confidence and hope have become least limportant prequisites of happiness and are no more used to fathom the degree of elation i sink in at times.Superficial,maturity or reconciliation? What do you call it? Neither,rather you call it growing up.When you know and understand that "truths are truths" and no matter how superstitious and fearful you become,in light of the sloew pace of progress of your goals,you cant stop failures from rushing in even at last moments.All you can do is just to prepare yourself,every moment,every mile of the journey, as the race is all about holding up rather than winning big.Tortoise or rabbit,here what matters is how you travel rather than your startup and finishing lines.Guess when you think about all that shit logic i wrote up and relate to it somehow and just end up thinking "who cares man!?" you call it "in process of growing up!!"
and you should be lucky enough to see failures so close to understand whats growing up loud!!:)

Silly ,Strange,nothing but Sane!!!

At times,we act insane and just expect miracles to happen to stones which havent moved since years,leave aside turning them to gold. But madness has a deadline with it.Soon,very soon.The deadline has crossed twice,but am too silly to accept it.When you realise that you have been writing about similar things since ages now,what does it indicate?Craziness?Dedication?Day dreaming? Who knows.But i dont wish to say,neither do i wish to think at all and lose the moment.Dreams-where have they gone?Sublimed.Changed forms or maybe mind is too preoccupied to think about dreams,as if they are fulfilled all the times.One more news!Eternity-Ahh,i wasnt prepared for it!No other choice either.Vision,they say can move mountains,i agree.No expectations and just the present is a good life minus dreams.I am ready for the good life! Love,it exists?Rare.Its a wind, a westerly wind which keeps moving away from you till it just bursts like a storm upon you,one fine bright sunny day when you least expected it.Words,are they a mandate? Not when you and he/she understands silence.What if they dont?Dont bother,they wont even understand your words either!! :) Destiny- bow!Beauty-sells like heaven.Looks-kill most of the times.Sane- few of them.Attitude-Is in nowhere except mind.World-is beautiful and interesting.People- are all so good,you just need right eyes.Impossible-is not nothing!Smile- to stay apart from the crowd.Live on-each moment to make your life bful.Conversations-are memorable.Passions-smiles.Love-maybe exists.Life- is such a mystery.
Ride- the only bike which takes you high in the sky,to the world where you always wanted to be..;)

!!

wish there were symbols than words,undecipherable,unreadable and unjustifiable. Missing confidence that things are fine and i will win over odds. I can win over my hurdles but not somethings which arent in my zone.Just wish to look up and ask him,"till when?" Till when will i keep troubling the most important people? Am no fairy,neither godly but cant i be granted one wish,happiness,not for me but for her,and for him.Am i moving too ahead of them or have i left them behind?No answer.Arent sincere wishes granted? Dont know.Do i care?No more.But i do,just for the reason that some important people in my life do.Am i being abstract?Wish i would have been more abstract than ever.Love exists?Hardly,not in the forms we want but in forms which are logical,practical and unquestionable.Does time turn its tide?Hope so.What happens when nothing goes in place and no dream you have had comes true since you blinked that eye long time back?Nothing,you move on with a lost heart,lost goals and some lost smiles.But,you do move on.For what? New dreams,goals and smiles.This time around,the degree and probability lesser than before.Is love blind?Not at all.Does it hurt? No,depends.Does it take time to forget and forgive?A smile on your face makes it better.Can you fake smiles? Try and tell.When do you stop crying? When tears feel tired or when you feel smiling is better? Latter.

So,go smile,have fun,make the most of it,stop worrying about destinations,love the path,love people who bless your life,try for everything that seems exciting till you can say"I did my best",Cry when you see something emotional,feel the pain and live your happiness,overcome your self,dance your best and your worst at times,coz life is once and that once is your life!!
Years later,when you are there,looking above and making a wish,it should go like "Thanks for such a life,i want the same life again!!"

Miss someone!Do you???

At times when it occurs to you that you've been moving all alone,all along the way, fighting,winning,losing,smiling and crying,all alone,do you wonder if its the choice you made for yourself?Or are you overthinking?Or maybe tired of walking alone?When you cross a road,alone,and see a child holding his mother's hand, shouting,smiling and his mother pretending to be angry on him,dont you miss your mom?Dont you miss seeing her and hugging her whenever you want to,to sob on her shoulders after a bad day,to just keep quiet and let her understand that there is a sadness in your eyes,only with the way you talk.Or maybe you miss her when once in a blue moon,you talk to her endlessly about your problems,forgetting not to end up making her worried by your stupid worries,not asking for solutions,just feeling the need to blurt out all,though you know she understands every time you end up with a fake goodbye.
Dont you miss your best friends who understand by the way you reply to their mails,that you have been taking too much on you.Dont you just end up missing them most when they listen so patiently at your stupid stories,your dreams that too know wont be true anytime, and still manage to boost you up,and at the same time,help you overcome failures so well.Dont you miss your grandpa when he calls you up just to know how you have been all the time and when are you going home,just making you realise that you are ruled by work,not you.Or your brothers when they bother to ask you every other day about how are things moving,just when you know that you have to fake it as if you are so happy,that you feel like a clown.Or dont you miss times which made you happy,and let you forget all the worries which are nothing but just some over-thoughts.Dont you miss a colleague,much like your brother,who before going abroad, bothers to ask you "not to get worried and be happy always" :-) .Or the people who say that you make them smile and make their life beautiful.:-)Or the childhood memories,when you and your happy family completed your world.But you dont miss the tears,which end up welling at wrong times,always,do you?And your face,that tells it all however hard you try to fake that you have been so so happy!Or the times when you feel like a kid,feeling guilty for showing your sad part,to people who wont ever care to even think about you twice.

We miss people,times,places but we learn to survive,and accept all that life has to offer,with some dreams hidden deep within,knowing they wont come true,coz who gets everything anyways.God cant be fulfilling every wish,could he be!:)And when you forget the things you want,you no more care they reach you or not,coz this was what life was supposed to be,making you happy when you least expect it to be..!!

Last prayer!!!!

Wanted to see if i can still play with emotions through words.:-) Came up with this somehow while waiting for an interview call !!
Silly me!:-)

"I am a dot,while you are much more than a lot.
I am nothing more than a lost chance,whilst you are as elegant as the last dance.
Everytime i smile,you hardly care,while everytime you smile,look at me,i mumble a silent prayer.
To you,i am a stranger in the dark,ridding me of darkness,you are my lucky spark.
I go nuts when you make a move,two steps back,i have got nothing to confess or prove.
As every song i sing will be a lame word,
flying,i feel nothing more than a caged bird.


Smiling, as i depart,would you care,
may that smile be transfixed on your face,as i make a last look and the last prayer."



Yep, i can still write..;-)

Writing away!!

A bit emotional but not enough to utter out just anything.Had a great time with some people who make my life easier in times of confusion and chaos, friends who make me look forward to work each day.Nice place,nice food,visionary thoughts..:-). Made me a bit nostalgic and made me sing a song so close to my heart,an atif aslam track which,after so long,somehow just came out as it was supposed to be.:-) And after that some typical sher-o shayari followed and lightened up the air.And i just wished i could go there again - candle lights on a table for two.;-) A triply ride on bike, great conversation with a best pal and am home.Logged on to FB,listened to a video song and i feel lost.Played it for 4th consecutive time.Loved the Voice,vocals and the video.
"Love,its a special day,you should celebrate and appreciate,you and me found something pretty..
i dont need no things, i dont need no wings,i dont need anything..."

We so much want to be loved,cared for and pampered.But there really is life beyond this.Things and wishes that we had always wanted to fulfil,career,goals and friends,and an air of freedom that makes you rule yourself and be at your best without trying to be what you really not are.And at the end of the day,truth is you run after things and people who never are yours,and run away from those who try reaching you.:-P
But friends are ones who are there for you alwayss.Thanks to Some wonderful people,who bless my life every day and make my life worth in their own ways..:-)

What is a perfect day in an imperfect life??

I wonder.What is it?Happiness,which comes and fades by no sooner and plays hide and seek on and off.:-) Maybe.Maybe a moment when you cross a road,alone,and meet a lady who just asks you to help her cross the road,and holds your hand while you bid her goodbye with a smile.Isnt it lovely to get cared for from people who just saw you,leave aside knowing you.Isnt it the moment when you enter a hospital(which i so much hate to do),all alone,oh,i miss my parents most at those times,and are greeted well by the registration desk uncle who makes sure that you get your appointment done,and checks again as if you were his daughter.:-)And despite waiting since ages for the doctor,and killing time by listening to music,and you listen to your favourite song, and pat comes a tear,a smile ,from nowhere,taking that strange feeling away,making you feel normal,at peace . Or when your best friend calls you up to check why you arent there in office and are you doing good since the last time you talked to her,which was yesterday.??Or when your bestest junior in office texts that she misses you :-) ?Talking of office,there are loads of such moments arent they??The moments when those teammates that fight and make fun of you so much, try take out time to talk to you when its your last day in the project ? Or your friends,who so much understand by the look on your face or your "hi" that you are having a bad day??As you get back home and enter the society,with a typical lost look,and are welcomed by a smile by the watchman and some beautiful kids with their ever glowing faces with beautiful smiles on them,playing,shouting and running.These beautiful moments make you feel life,just when you think all is gone.Just when you think you've been wrong again, in judging what life is all about.Those moments in the gym when you meet friends,few great ladies,who love you like their daughters and make you feel special and ensure that you come out smiling.:-)Or maybe those mails by your best buddies which frequent your mailbox,and contain nothing but lots of statements aimed at making fun of you,but you still love to read each one of them.Those freinds who are cobfession boxes and the best things to have ever happened to you,who listen and read your blabber all the time with a neutral yet partial reaction,suited to make you happy all the time,and in the end,truth to hold you grounded.Or that unexpected mail from your brother asking you whats happening.Or those moments when you wake up early before the sun,ride a bicycle and get to see that beautiful half lit road with the airy weather adding to the glamour,and reach late and have a whale of time with people who love their life so much.Or those moments when you laugh your heart out,and bring smiles on other's faces,so much that you hardly care what happens next.Or that unexpected compliment which brings that kid smile on you.Or that beautiful walk which rejuvantes you,as you sink in rememberances,which make you smile,and feel beautiful.Or the smiles on your face when you watch a beautiful movie and feel lost for some moments in a while,a face unknown,lots of dreams,not caring if such dreams exist or not.:-)Or the moments when you know that you have lost the game,but still bother to feel great and say "Damn It! " and come out of it happy!! :-)
You experience so much of such beautiful moments which make your days perfect,if not life.Who would have ever bothered about such moments if life would have been perfect?Dont these small perfect things make your life perfect in its own ways? Who cares about those moments which never existed anyways? If you weave dreams and they dont turn out to be the ones as you had imagined,just remember that accidents turn into miracles and vice versa, you just got to have eyes to look for and heart to care for moments that are so much with you and make your life beautiful!!
Thank you god for the people who make my life perfect in their own ways and bless those things which make it imperfect coz they make me understand how important it is to be happy and contented with so much around you.

Utter nonsense...!

At times i wonder,when i start writing,i crib so much till a time comes when i have no words to play with and am left clueless again,probably what they call a writers block.Priorities or dreams ,just like mind over heart.You choose mind,and are left with subdued wishes ,or heart,leaving you with distorted logics of situations.Priorities,are they important? As i sink in the question,i wonder how many times i have led priorities rule my dreams or lets say goals? No idea.Many times, you listen to heart and end up making best of the deals and at times,you bubble up through hell lot of confusion and stand up to a decision and regret later. At the end,who cares,as some things are just meant to be as they are.You cross roads,some known, millions unknown,meet umpteenth number of people, interact with them,relate,reciprocate,retaliate and move on later.But leave behind footprints of memories,footprints of different sizes, per se perception.You take a different perception of an encounter while the person next to you takes some other perception.Life is so complex,isnt it?But minus this,would it be fun? Certainly not. Where would the growing up come from then?Where would the patience to overcome failures and the poise to handle fame come from?How will tears be important then?
As i look back 3 years of my life, and compare, i see a completely different me,and at times,a similar me. Strange,but do you really change? I guess you adapt rather than change.Adapt,metamorphose, and camouflage.You learn ways of defence through self harm.See what hurts you most,get hurt and then respond when its above what you can tolerate.Such strange is life,beautiful yet not so at times,at times sweet and often cruel.But you still persist and survive,dont you? Emotion in many forms hits you almost everyday,making you tough,and soft and at times a stone.But at times,a mellowmarsh as soon as you find compassion.Weird? But true.:-)You feel nothing and nothing becomes everything in a matter of few situations.But does it all matter? Doesnt.What matters ? Almost nothing .Eternity is what you find one fine day and that too if you are destined to,else life just moves on...

Rebellion!!

Confidence,ability,desire and spirit- Seem so good to me now! Finally, a way out,just when i had thought all has gone. And hope there would be no looking back! Decisions are too tough till they do not materialize and once they do,that too so sudden and impulsive,at times are the ones which you do not repent on later. Disturbance,disorder and disoriented- these typically described my state of mind till today. But, a lucky charm and i know what i want to do now.Discussions,negotiations and thinking over- will come soon.But,after a long time, the almighty above proved that he does exist n his own ways and the struggle is over.
Lets see what happens next,one problem down.:-)
Here i come...:-)

....

Strange,Out of the way and unexpected.The series of events which marked the day left me sombre, again somewhere in that shell where i hate to be in. A discussion today left me intrigued,made me rethink some of the questions i have been evading since long and made me look for answers which just take my peace whenever i think about them.Later, followed an emotional drain,which made me feel cared for,by people whom i call my friends in some ways,their own.Made me a bit emotional and at the same time happy for being with people who care for me.But this strange feeling still persists.Just sometime ago,something strange happened,while i was still sinking in with the events of the day.Ended up hurting someone,which i hate to do but had to.Isnt life so strange? You chase dreams,goals,people and comforts which keep running away while the ones which run closer are the ones whom you have to ignore,avoid and stay focussed away from.Why? Because they dont fit in your frame ?Or they are so accessible that they arent important?or they are not the world you feel you would love to be in? Guess thats where the luck part comes into play.Or the destiny.Or maybe what you call acceptance,an acceptance of terms life wants you to be familiar with,to experience happiness,pain,joy,laughter and grief all in measures that up above has set for you already!Nothing is impossible,agreed. but everything isnt possible too. There have to be some loopholes in everything to become possible,isnt it?At the end of the day,who cares till you dont give up.Even if you do,its not long that you move out of the gloom and realise that life is beautiful only if you appreciate it the way it is,rather than waiting for it to change.Because change comes fast and unnoticed,always in unexpected ways to make you happier than you thought you'd be.
So, take a deep sigh,believe change would never come and move ahead as if life is exactly what you wanted it to be.Fool yourself to believe you are happy if you really wanna steal the day.And though however testing may the times be,soon happiness follows and just washes away all the silly thoughts that occupy you and make you curse yourself when you should just be proud of yourself for being so strong and taking the life in stride. And i am back again.

Wohoo.. My comeback...:-)

Till when will i keep playing my part,
can't you see, every time you smile you take my heart.
I am here,but am i really in my own,
You cast a magic,i feel so blown.
Hope you were what i wanted you to be,
Stupid me,i never realize that happiness never comes free.
Fade away,vanish or take me along,
Before you show me the world where i don't belong.
What with my heart,it is a sponge ball,
Not its call, to be in Joy or in Appall.
So,let me rise above all that will turn out to be fall,
let me escape into my own world, before you take a call.
They say ,for dreams to die,it takes a moment so small.
But i will make it big,some fine day,
Dont wanna hear the words,just let the music play.

"Who Needs The World"

Yeah, oh
I stare at your face
Into your eyes
Outside, there's so much passing us by
All of the sounds
All of the sights
Over the earth
And Under the sky
Too much cold
And too much rain
Too much heartache to explain


Who needs the world when I've got you
Switch off the sun, the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I've got you

Oh, no no

I walk on the street
Talk in the dark
I see people, strangers, just falling apart
I open my arms
Try to be true
Seems like my only truth is you
Am I wrong or am I right?
All I want is you tonight



Who needs the stars so bright?
And the grass so green?
And the morning light?
Who needs the wind to blow
And the tide to rise
Who needs it?
I don't know, I don't know
Yeah

Just got to listen to this one today...
Nice song, a bit over the board but beautiful,takes you to a different world of emotions,the one in which you see nothing but a face, a smile and some words..
A must listen,once atleast!

Free Bird...

There i see that bird,rising again,
collecting my dreams,fighting for my gain.
For my happiness or my gloom?
will those saplings die or would they be left to bloom?
Its head held high,innocence personified,
wonder would it be the same,once it died.
The beautiful bird,flawless makes a flight,twists and turns a part of the game,
Will sacrifice soon, some dreams subdued,with none to blame..
But the flight has already begun,
leaving attempts to curb it undone.
Let it be,let it fly to its last breath,
let it pave the way,to its freedom or death...

Something!

Its time i should get back on the reflections bubbling within me to put up something worth capturing in words.Emotion,creates nuisance everytime it comes uncalled for,however strong your controls are, and ends up washing the so very fabricated shore of the planned actions in a go.And,the waves of hope and excitement do carry along with them fears and some assurances that keep you going when you least expect the waters to be stormy.
Such is life,nothing is constant.A smile,a frown,fears,happiness,dreams,nightmares,neither of them.But,what is persistent is you and me.You,me and those who invoke,subdue or regenerate emotion,in myriad forms and complicate life every now and then.After all,who would have cared to be happy/sad if the smiles would have been free..:-)