A dried leaf!!

Saw a dried leaf lying lifeless,deep yellow and just on verge of being trampled by careless feet,while on a daily walk in my beautiful surroundings.Wondered what des this leaf mean to me?Is this leaf at the end of its life/or reborn?Was it the sacrifice in wake of some other leaf trying to make itself stable on the helpless tree?Or Was it a way to show that there are limits which one can never cross however hard one may try?? Maybe Yes,maybe not..I wonder whether this leaf had had its takes in life or just fell out fighting to make its place?Or was it its way of showing that to be reborn,you have to shed your older selves,however hard it might be.Yellow was never fresh,but too much of green would hurt one day.Whats Brightness without palour? Its like facing sunlight straight on the face without shades.You get hurt due to extremes...Found two pine leaves lying near the leaf,young,fresh and full of life,just broken free from tree:)
Perspective,must say,is big thing in life!!!
P.S.:-Feeling short of words!! Duh,i need to brush up and write often!! :-(

A typical mondayyy.. :(

A typical monday at office- work is calling time and again and am unable to make up my mind to start with another five days of working repeatedly over same things,worrying about every single data field and trying to understand and explore new logics and what not..Errghh...why do they make mondays working.. :( Anyways, mondays seem empty to me but todays a strange feeling.Something am unable to figure out.Want to unconnect,go into recluse and stop being subdued.There is a strange wish occupying me right now-the wish to be rebellious,to be breaking rules,to be going down the hill rather than upside,to be not bothered by peer pressure,to be not pretending the smiles for a while,to be crying for the stars above,to be not waiting for some miracles,to be unfazed by rememberances,to be with my parents,to be pampering my brothers,to be pampered,to be sleeping till tommorow..Many silly wishes,basically a deviation from the disciplined life that am leading,or the assumption,watsoever.But nothing has changed,though i have blinked my eyes so many times..:-)
Things remain,its just that we need to adapt,change,and reaffirm our faiths in every new endeavour.Monday,here i come. :)
Lets start work.. :-\

Things that make u smile...!

One of my takeaways from "The secret,I loved the idea,though nothing that new about it.Note down 10 things that make you happy/smile for moment or moments,and make sure you keep them handy in all times when you feel depressed,or at loss of esteem and spirits.Bring them down to 3/4 ,be honest as the things that you choose become your most sought after goals,in your search for happiness.So,when you are there with 3 things that make you most happy,bravo,you've figured out what your life is worth of,and what you deserve to and should strive to shell out of life,to make it a life well earned.
I would not miss the chance here to point out the ones that make me smile and come back from gloom at times:
1)Kids and babies- the silent ones though,lol...i just love the innocence in their eyes, their charming smiles,so pure and poise,and the way they pour affection and love in you and make your life beautiful.
2)Beauty of nature-The landscapes- the hills,sea and especially its farthest point makes me wonder whats more to it and how far can i see beyond what i am really looking at,an odd cottage with greenery all around,wouldnt it be the most bful place to stay in,and the highway with hills on my way office ,with chilly breeze giving an absolute wonder effect,is what i look forward to everyday in my journey to office on rainy mornings.
3)Rains- the water droplets on a car after rain has gone for a nap..:-) or the puddles,though dirty,still are so much of life,arent they? and looking up at the droplets in light of the street lamp,when those striking bullets of water seem so beautiful,falling on your face and making you wet,and music in your ears,adding to the wow factor..:-)
4)Making others smile- cracking jokes and wishing and complimenting others has been a hobby and makes me feel free,full of life and beautiful.Seeing a group laughing,smiling and enjoying makes me feel life!
5)Music/Dancing-needs no explanation.Just makes me feel out of world..:-)
6)Thoughts-Many thoughts,which include dreams,thinking about immediate crushes..:-),those butterflies in stomach once you get noticed by somebody whom u like is a strange and kiddish feeling..:-)
7)Travelling-Alone makes me dig into beauty of all around,makes me observe and notice people.makes me think a lot and analyze!
8)Walks-Walking alone in a drizzle,or on a breezy evening/night,with the breeze sweeping off your face,every while and then,the music of your choice making you dance,the random thoughts and rememberances making you happy or sad,is so mesmerizing..
9)Writing-is more a passion than a thing which makes me smile..
10) talking/gossiping with friends ,doing mischiefs and doing weird things makes me feel good at times..

Figuring out the best 4 will be tough,though walks will be a sure shot among them.
So,when is your turn to write about yourself and reveal the secret to your and muy happiness..

Dawn or dusk?

Sometimes it happens that you feel so happy a moment and a moment later,however hard you try,some random thoughts clutter your mind and you feel worse than you ever had since ages.Somehow,you start feeling your under confident,worthless and pessimistic side taking a toll on the half lit lamp of hope you carry with you all the time.Your heart gets shorter thinking all those things which you shouldnt- the depressing things which make you feel you are unwanted,not liked,not loved/uncared for and just another creature who will fade away one day without ever making a mark on anybody's life around you.You stop feeling like the son/daughter of a proud parent,you stop feeling that love ever exists,the trust on relations breaks for those moments,and many thoughts later, a thought saying "who cares? or how does it matter ?"prevails.Those times really give you a different edge to life,helping you explore the other perspective,making you more observant and see life and realities unmasked for a change.Every relation,every companionship and all things near and dear seem like some obligations that you follow as a matter of duty.And you keep wondering what where and whether pure love exists? Pure love,where its not about giving and taking,where silence speaks louder than words,where care and concern weigh much more over some confessions,true or fake,where a look says it all,where you end up feeling worse even with the tiniest misunderstandings,and where it doesnt matter,where and who you are to the one who cares.Love of parents,siblings,partner,a friend,mentor,or a stranger passing by? Cant be categorised.But the one you remember at such times or the one who makes you smile and brings you back from the depression steals the show.

Reveries :)

You sit there,smiling at me and everybody else around,
but those nods and a look,and my heart somehow listens to a distant sound.
A sound,which comes from somewhere else,but am mistaken to be thinking its you,
who has brightened those dull days, the sun that has come out somewhere out of the blue.
I am at my best and shining bright,
with no one to blame later for my plight.
I swim in happiness and excitement of a reverie,
while you keep sinking in the silence and poise sounding a but eerie.
Something really is happening, or its my imagination speaking aloud,
Is it the rains or the change in events that are banging in my head so loud.
Ofcourse,it cant be you, you have been a constant all along,
its my stupid heart who had been singing a waste song,
the lyrics of which will remain unsung,
and will be lost to some sobs,
or trampled under footsteps of indifference,
and may later become some instances of repentance,
but what will be left is a hazy sustenance,
of those smiles,and nods.

I sit there,smiling at you and everybody else around,
and there is laughter and no other sound.

The best Janamashtmi till now :-)

Elation which came up to my rescue just when i was falling yet again with a strange guilt over one of my stupid actions leading me to nowhere. To say that i fasted for the festival in true sense would not be as accurate as the fact that i fasted just because somewhere my mind forced and prompted me to do.As people around me were fasting,so something within me decided to declare it a "no grain " day.Hunger didnt strike as much as it generally does in any other fast and left me a bit surprised.The day started with a good omen,( offlate i keep changing what/who is a harbinger of a good omen for me just to keep me going),it is anothet story that when you really focus that much on making your day start with the things/people you feel are lucky for you/make you happy , it happens sometimes,rare though and happened with me and brought a smile on my face.I swayed to my workplace in an unsually good mood,and the feel of the day set in.The day went quite normal without any surprises but a tinge of guilt for being so "me" and "not me" at times.Well,"not me" made me surprised and i felt miserable for some moments at the way i have been reacting and aiming my wandering mind.Never mind,its better not to put too much thoughts to some things which are never meant to happen, but exploring the possibilities is never a bad option either.
The "fast dinner" together became a good ice breaker with all the roommates discussing their childhood pranks and the mischiefs which brought smiles,nostalgia and lots to cheer.It stretched for more than an hour with discussions and after some time,everybody scattered here and there.One of my roomies,the most adventurous of us all, prepared the "jhoola" for Shree krishna and and decorated it with tid bits,flowers and a nice setup resulted.Ad the clock neared 12,everybody gathered around the site and many pics of the cute "jhoola" were taken.:-) Fruits were cut as fast as possible for the prasad after the puja that we were slated to perform soon,at 12.While i sipped tea,i saw my rumies cutting fruits and giving finishing touches to the jhoola and idol of krishna and radhaji.We gathered in no time and sang a lot of artis amidst cheer,my sill jokes as always,"a happy bday song for krishnaji", a mini photo session, lots of giggles,some forgotten and misspelt hymns,and smiles at "govind bolo hari gopal bolo" hymn recited by me,( though i dont know what Upss found funny in it.:-)) and lots of masti. The cute jhoola glistened in the light of wick of the diya we had lit and the slight rush of air which moved it to and fro indicated that somebody up there was atleast noticing us praying.Many hymns later,we finally concluded the end of prayers and a big "wishlist session" followed with everybody asking for more from god.:-) It does happen to me that when i am too excited about asking something from god,i dont get to remember my biggest wish just when its time to pray and ask him.Guess,you dont need to communicate always,atleast to god,when it comes to making your wishes understood.Anyways,i managed to open and close my eyes twice and ask for two seperate wishes while the star pua performers still sat in the same "closed eyes" position dictating their wishes to the supreme power.Post the puja celebration,a series of pics and joke sessions,prasad distribution and search for the moon continued.But,moon played hide and seek and hasnt showed up till now,1:30 am.:-) Surely,it has been one of the best janamashtami puja i ever experienced,with lots of happiness and faith emerging within almost every bow towards theidols. Had an awesome start of the next day and the sleep is killing..But a beautiful celebration was worth it !!!

Mind,The culprit..:-)

Why do u race so fast?Cant you just stop working the moment i give in to your stupid wishes?Cant you just win over the silly heart just when you have to and stop cribbing later?Or why dont you let me have my way just when i come upto the conclusion that yes,it will be heart this time?Stop,you are still making me nuts.You make me think,expect,imagine and at times feel,what all it takes to be in pain/happiness.I wonder at times if you work the same way as her mind,or his mind or their mind for that matter.Then why are they so calm and poised while am turbulent inside?Why is there no visible line of trouble,panic on their foreheads,why is their state of mind so composed and focussed while i have trouble concentrating.Why do you make me smile at moments when the best thing to do that time is sleep/curse myself for being so out of place?Is it me giving away to something i dont owe?My thoughts and their randomness.Or somebody around getting on my mind.I wish not the latter,as i have trouble figuring it out.They say you lose heart to someone,but even then,you are still there in me,my dear mind.Then why do you stop working and stop helping me reconcile with truths,rather you cheat me up with your traps which are nothing but a way to make me experience defeat,of my wishes over you,and the heart.Why do you always hold me up just when its time to loose free,or why do you chase me as soon as you finally see that i have flied away from your cage,just to see that it has got dark outside and i again need a home,thats your cage.Mind you,i have learned your games well and its just that i dont speak up or act.Yeah,i do have fears which will fade away one fine day,till then i am learning your traps and finding ways out of almost all of them.Good job done from your side,and just waiting for my turn.:-)

Just some silly ones!!!

One of my favourite passtimes is changing statuses on Facebook.Those one liners come up from nowhere and make way for my favourite statuses and at times leave me wondering of my ability to come upto such complex conclusions.
Some of them are already banging in my head:
#1.
Loosen up the strings,before that new shoe starts hurting you,
Why do you always end up making the worst bargain ,even when you try so few!!!
#2.
They say,you should try even if you fail,
But why dont they send for someone,while alone,you fret and wail.
#3.
Failures are lessons,not mistakes,
but i wonder do they ever increase your stakes??
#4
I forget everything,except the simple thought that i need to forget you,
Its like ,on the lush ground where i stand today,how can i forbid myself from seeing the sky above,so blue.
#5.
I tried my best to make you win,but now the game is all yours,
to leave it silently without making a noise,or to change its course.

#6.
If you feel your silence makes a mark,you better forget it,
because those who are meant to hear,wil never do so,i bet it.

#7.
When it comes to giving/taking chances,believe in the sixth sense,
If you wish so,the present doesnt always becomes the past tense.


And lots more to continue shortly....:-)

A Great start of the week..

Beautiful day today.Rainy and pleasant weather,pleasant things happening all day long.Some surprises and happiness hidden almost in every small thing that happened today.At times,you do not need big reasons to be happy.And thanks to the day,i am happy over some really small things,that brought big smiles.Evening was all the more beautiful,especially the way back home from an early off from office.Beautiful orange silver clouds adorned the sky while i listened to my favourite numbers,lost in some things and smiles came on their own.Gazing at clouds were never that beautiful as today,except once at a look below from above in a flight journey at night.The orange hues and the grey clouds along with a festive puja outside teh society,created the so called festive spirit.And it felt great praying in the evening today.Wow,wish all days could be the same.And my brother called up for a raksha bandhan wish and asked me to choose a gift for myself.Nice surprise and made me feel really good.:-) At times,you do not need an uplift when you see such brightness around.And all your sadness vanishes like it never existed.You start loving life instantly and everything around.I carry one more very special and sweet memory of the day with me which was transient but nice.:-)Tomorrows is a holiday and thats making me elated.
Thanks to the almighty !!You really make me understand that there is so much to life that you cant be feeling lost when you have so much to gain and bring me up from gloom just when i start feeling lost!! :-)

Revenge :-)

Came up with some really strange but interesting lines somehow.Thought of words like "attitude" and "lovelorn" and this came up and is sounding cool and funny to me .:-)

"You came this morning and you will be going soon,
out of my mind,before its noon.
Your footsteps did sound like music as you came,
but as you go,every step you take makes me more lame.
Dont worry as it will make me sad,and sombre just for a while,
Moist are the eyes today,but they will soon twist into a smile.
I will camouflage no sooner,in the blink of an eye,
while you stay at the door,waving that last bye.
You may or may not be thinking vaguely,"lets give it a chance",
while i might have already revived from the trance.
I may have a soft corner,but am too good at being a stone,
while you feel you'l fooled me,i might have left you sombre and blown."

Wishes-wishes-wishes!!!!

I was at one of my most peaceful times today.Silently worked through the day, with an unusual dullness in my behaviour and expressions.Bored or feeling overstressed or the fact that i odnt like the way things work at office at times?? One of these.Or maybe something in me wanted to stop.The day i dont speak or smile much,its strange that almost everyone asks why i am not in my usual leg pulling,kidding and lively mood ? and people at such times make me tick again by not letting me go in that typical "shell" which makes me observe,evaluate and analyze situations which are basically mountains made out of moles.Dont know,maybe somebody up there develops cancerian moods so vividly and strangely that at times i feel like i over think some things and give thought to some of the most neglected aspects.:-) Want to discuss life and philosphy at the moment.Want to smile,laugh and make someone laugh along with me.Want to go out and feel the sky and the wind blowing by.Want to wake up whole night and enjoy silence and serenity the mysterious night carries.So many things cluttering up my mind.:-)Want to play guitar,hear guitar, want to feel being "wooed" :-p.Wish to see my world from above,the sky.Wish to go to CCD.Wish to dance,and shriek to the maximum volume..:-P.Wish to ride a bike and wish to cook and eat something really delicious.Wish to be in rain,see the snow which is impossible.:-p
Wish to be somewhere outside India for a change? Am i wishing too much or sky is the limit?Am i daydreaming or its the night thats so beautiful?Am i crazy or my real self..:-p? Am i expecting too much or dreaming the right way :-P as there is big difference between expectations and dreams :-) Am i right or am i insane?An insomniac faking as a daydreamer or a child at heart with a sparkling heart which never stops dreaming ..ahem..:-D
Whatever,wishes galore,make me explore..
the world around and up there..
wish to sing a different song today,
something to mark the day..
like "O lord,give me a day with heart and no mind",
and lots of memories later,to rewind..:-)

Just me and Now..

Everytime i feel like writing,something stops me.For a moment,some strange thoughts make their way and make me think "let some thoughts be veiled,dont write or who cares whether what you are thinking right now should make way to your page?"and i let it go.I let go of the urge to write and pen down a vague thought that settles in my heart and mind for a while,makes me feel lost for sometime before i shrug it off my shoulders like the dew which adorns you,back home after an evening walk.Nights are the perfect time to think all that you can and all that you never imagine,you could think , notice and recollect.Memories of the day,week passed,a flash back of past events,some good,some bad bring smiles on your face and at times tears,of longingness,rememberance, and a sudden wish to listen to and see some faces that give meaning to your life in some or other way every single day. 3 a.m. Balcony or a peek through the window, a look at the trees, buildings lit up with different shades of blue,white and yellow floresence,the peace taking you to a new world,the moon adorning every single thing you look at,the beautiful moon light in the darkness has its own enigmatic way of bringing life to every other thing that appears dull.Just yesterday i was reading Linda Goodman,and was amazed to discover the accuracy of the description she used to describe my zodiac sign.Typical cancerian, is best in his/her moods and at his/her emotional side,under moonlight,she says.So true yet surprising that it never occured to me that the reason of my racing mind at nights is the hyperactive reaction cancerians show towards moonlight. :-) The weekend has been fast but i adore the late nights,alone,with the questions that i ask myself,and the answers that i come upto to support them and my doubts and action items,lots of faces,the present, my future and so on.:-) Cancerians think a lot,must say! Read some other zodiac characteristics and found out that the predictions there too are so accurate.Feeling sleepy.Tomorrow is the killing day of week,Monnndaayy..:-)

Loving the way life is moving on,slow,no strings attached,work keeping me busy,freedom and peace taking my side,sleeps accompanied by dreams,some silent wishes and some surprises and some changes awaited!

A life well earned!!!

Anand(1971) is a wonder movie that still moves me from inside whenever i watch it.Just watched the later part of it which left me feeling awed and perturbed.Superb acting by rajesh khanna.Vivid characters,beautiful and simple dialogue delivery,especially the "life" in anand's chracter overshadowing the dullness of the role bhaskar(amitabh) is supoosed to play.I love the ending note of movie where the reel with the golden dialogues"Babu Moshaai,ye zindagi bhi ek khel hai aur hum sab rangmanch ki kathputlian hai,kisi ka ana aur jana koi nai bata sakta,ha ha ha" plays just after anand leaves the world with the last word being "babu moshai".In these words,lie the summary of lives of each of us,somewhere.Whatever happens,doesnt happen or waits to happen in our lives, is not all decided by us,its just that wherever and whatever we see,do or experience is a part of the game plan somebody up there has set for us.Supreme power,some hypothetical theory or be it a random idea,nobody knows how we and why we react in a particular way to situations in life.Believe it or not,matches are still made in heaven.Those that are not,god forbid reform,get deformed or linger on survival.Accidents bound to happen,happen still.Miracles do exist and we see many facets of god in one or other form,however strong we feel that he/she is just a part of our belief.Whatever exists or does not,nobody knows.We predict,propose or conclude,but still follow the game plan that has been set somewhere by somebody.Then where does the fear of failure,losing precious things,societal pressures,the urge to do big,earn big come from?Arent we wasting our time over petty issues when our within is fighting hard everyday to rid us of the wordly desires?Arent the pravachans by gurus all just an introspection apart ?why do they seem good when told but never thought of when we fail to understand that somewhere within,we have purest souls residing within us,trampled by our worldly sermons that we keep imposing on ourselves.Banging our heads over such things is not what i ask but a realisation that life is to be enjoyed well and happiness is within,even with or without our so called cherished dreams.We nay earn big buckes,appreciations, or compliments but what matters is that we earn a life which is worth us,we must earn peace which is so much a part of us,we must earn strength which is in our pain and we must earn respect by our belief,we must earn love which is the care we shower on our loved ones,that smile or a pat on back which tells it all....
Love your life,because nobody or nothing else which brings you pain matters..and you manifest what you belive!!

Serendipity

Expecting a good writeup with nothing much except a lot of hazy things in my typically complex mind and tagging it as serendipity is the height of confidence.:-) At times, i glare at my writeups,frames of my mind at various points of time,falashbacks which lead me to exlpore why and how i came up with a certain thing i wrote and i end up smiling or feeling weird at times.Offlate, i have developed that "leave it untold and unthought of " attitude towards certain things,things which would have pestered me,however small they would have been,things i would have thought of a lot,and i really feel great being a part of the new phenomeon.Isnt it cool to leave things,conversations,doubts uncleared and unresolved?Well, i dont know and dont want to either :-) Its very weird and depends from person to person.But,somewhere i feel, somethings left unsaid and undone change the entire flow of events - may change your life and affect others' too.But how does it matter? It doesnt,i guess because as they say, you cross roads all the time and whether you move with or against direction of wind,it doesnt make least of a difference,because the tortoise will also complete the race as will the rabbit, well,time taken,does matter,subject to choice.Lots of things on mind,so lots of complex and twisted words.Cant help it.:-) No serendipity as i had expected but still i opened up some vision on my thought process once again.:-)
READ at your own risk..:-)

The Monsoons like never before...

I just had a blast with a valley crossing event in Duke's nose valley, one amongst the jewelled sahyadris.I came home with an accentuated suntan, with my skin getting darker with every trek.Never mind, as it is all worth it,to say the least.We were a group of 260 people from my workplace( distributed in batches) and i was in the morning- noon batch with a headcount of 110.People from different companies,accompanied by friends,companions and some loners, looking forward to making new friends,were all excited about the thrilling adventure they were going to experience.Weather was not that cooperative, with a sunny day adding to weariness.As we boarded the local to Lonavala with the group scattered in all corners of the Coach they we chose to be in,all i could see was new faces, all in tracks and t-shirts,excited and happy about the day that was to be dedicated to the activity,valley crossing event,and some magnificient views of nature and beauty, all together.I became a part of the group who shouted and fought(ofcourse in good sense :-)) for points and places unknown, in a game of atlas.I ended up with a mild headache, discovering that it was the result of those high pitched shouts and efforts to be heard, and the good thing was that we won the game.Time sped by, and i found that we were being watched and stared at by some of our colleagues,and some locals,who ofcourse were becoming the victims of noise pollution, with our continous rants and absent minded fights :-).Anyways,we reached Lonavals station,and after a headcount and the core group deciding who will take which position so as to make sure the group is safe and navigated well, we strode through the plain track that led us to the base village.The journey to the base village was lovely with the takeaways being-beautiful row houses on either side, a well, some children playing by, a puddle here and there, duke's nose view from different angles,a stream with a beautiful scenic view, and a plain lush green stretch leading to the base point from where the climb to the valley was to start.We had our lunch and post that, we started, though tired, the real climb,considering it was steeper than what i had estimated from what adventurizants, the core group told us .:-).The climate was hot and was adding to the difficulty but with time, the trek seemed easier and at points,we clicked and made sure we cover up for we were amongst the ones who were behind the rest of teh group.The climb consisted of smooth stretches, rare though,some out of shape rocks,some steep and risky movements,but the rocks were not moist and the way far away from being slippery, which made the trek safe,considering we were a huge group with people of different strength and experience in trekking. As we approached the peak, i saw beautiful sights wherever i looked-valleys stacked close to each other,with your imagination turning them into shapes resembling a nose or maybe a ship, the various shades of green, deep green glistening along with a darker,paler green stretch close to it, the panoramic view of the "unknown" beyond the valleys, the white smoke which made you think if there is something beyond those valleys, with your eyes estimating the certain point becoming your farthest vision.Beautiful, and worth the effort of the climb! We sat there for a while, to take a glimpse and form memories,i just penned down.We reached the top sometime later, and there were few ropes tied with safety equipments,and the adventure group, leading the activity from four positions.I preferred crossing through the peak, it was the most thrilling point to cross anyways.:-).As i became ready to go for my turn,i checked the harness twice, with my subconsicous mind making me weak with questions of what if ? , and i was a bit surprised, at my subdued fear, that had emerged as i realized that the valley was deep.I asked the person in charge of leading the activity if those buckles they use to connect the rope to the harness are really strong,and i was assured with his answer that they are just a formality, they have all safety in place.And that took all the hazy pictures that i was imagining, with me falling due to an open buckle..:-).It was a great experience,with the strude being smooth,and landing back at other end,took some effort but it was fun.Yeah, i took time landing to the ground as i was not sure i could balance myself in that small area which was shared by the person who was helping us untying and landing from the master rope. It was just like the time when you lose confidence in yourself for a while even when you are delivering the best speech you could think of.Anyways,i reached safely to the other end and felt happy to be a a part of such experience.Went back to the other end again,where entire group was present,with some close to the start points,clicking shots of tehir friends about to start the valley crossing,some idling nearby,some looking at scenic views,while some gossiping and making merry.I borrowed Sunil's (my teammate and an avid trekker) cam and clicked some pics,of the amazing view from top,hoping that it would appear the same in the pics,as it looked like then. It was an awesome view and we clicked some pics together too.After a while, we trekked down the peak, to the base village, and it was almost evening.Cool wind, with fog covering some peaks looked beautiful and captivating.We clicked few pics and moved faster.Washing your face from an odd water tap amidst the lush greens,with cold water running is so much fun,isnt it? We stopped for a while near the base point and moved for the station.Chatted about stories of ghosts and supernatural powers entire journey in train and reached the station.Came home tired and a sunburn but it was a great day.

Back after sometime!!

Back on my page after long, a break which prolonged and gave way to laziness.Laziness to put down my thoughts, to let my wandering mind shape up some random figs of imagination and a "laidback" attitude.But, writing makes me realise the presence of other me, the conscience within, which speaks without fear,stupidest things,which carves thoughts out of nowhere, some part taken from anecdotes,some from imaginations and some from inputs scattered everywhere.Work is ok, up and down, life is cool,and no personal turmoils or problems brewing up.All the reasons to be contented.Working on one of the resolutions of the year, after all, feels good.Wish to take up some long thought of hobbies.Weather is awesome here,at nights especially.The beautiful wind , gracefully carrying the scent of the flowers,earth, water and life succeeds in creating the aura i love,an altogether different frame with nature,beauty and love blossom at their best.Makes me feel empty not to be enjoying the weather outside.A peek at window and the caress of the moist air, makes me feel like going out, sitting alone and think or remember things and smile at myself, others and all who are part of my lives in some way or other.Not being able to enjoy my walks, pressure aof work taking some toll, feels at times that i am missing a lot.Missing the connect which keeps me calm and is the reason for my contentment.But, this is transient,all will fall back in place,soon.

Walk to remember!!

Those red hibiscuses are calling me.The gust of air which i can sense and feel, as soon as i enter my room, by the singing windchimes, reminds me i need to be there.The silence and calm outside lets me wonder what is happening outside.While i lay in my room killing time,some part of me keeps me reminding that i need to connect with nature.That i need to take a walk on the lane that awes me once in a while, by the joy it showers,in the beautiful trees and air filled with scent of earth,with those red flowers spread carelessly ,as if welcoming me.My takeaways from an odd walk -Those leaves during the fall season, a puddle of water nearby,the sound of my footsteps on those dried leaves, the music on my earphones,the lady at one of windows,washing vessels,the end of the lane, the water dripping from some of the pots, frefilling the air with scent, remmeberance of gud things of the day,a smile,and a flushed mind.Love those red flowers which make me feel that love is around, make me feel the world of smiles and happiness does exist, the climbers in beautiful shapes,resembling hearts make me smile and think about happiness and dreams.I dont much believe in dreaming,though i cant resist some flashes of imagination, those hazy pictures with life all perfect, all my wishes fulfilled, a different world and so on...I sing with the music on earphones, and welcome pats of the beautiful air on my face,lifting me away from all worries that a typical monotonous life has to offer.At times, i wonder if it is really boring to be walking alone,thinking silly things and smiling at myself.And the next moment says,"probably not.More boring it is to be missing it"
I feel overjoyed by a walk which is the only connect with nature i have at present.Walking alone,or together, is so much fun.

For a change!!!

Let loose.Break free.Put out your heart to someone you dont know .Shed that conservative you.Let your heart rule your thoughts.Let the dreamy you be the one to speak aloud.Let your eyes twinkle at their best.be your silliest best, tell lies if those make you happy anyway.Shed the inhibitions and be expressive, just to show you care than be heaving deep sighs at backs of people you wish become your world.Face the rejections,face the heat.Hear those sounds , when you feel your heart beating faster, give it a chance,dont kill the feat.Do smile your best even when you are the subject of a funny remark,or you sense ridicule in the way people speak, just vary the intensity,damn it and give it a go.Speak aloud, you at times need an outlet for your anger,because anyways, thats what "sorrys later" are meant for.Its not always that you ruin things by being too m uch into them,sometimes you end up with good learnings that make you rich and wise.Be one,not try being all,be a soft petal at a time,but try being a wall.Break into the dawn, face the darkness sometime, let your emotions do their work,at times let them sublime...For a change,be the one you would dream but never could,try doing "what you could" but "never you should",,,

Lets make this miracle a reality

Two strangers sitting next to each other in a bus, to a common destination.Lot of things around in common,surroundings, people they see,the journey, but the intensity of emotions brimming inside and the thought process and how they perceive the world is different .Bored,"he" strikes a conversation and she, elegance personified,meekly replies,leaving him a bit awed by her outgoing behaviour contrary to her stern looks while she was reading something some time ago:

He: Do you believe in miracles??
She:Umm.. What about you?
She:I used to at a time , but i believe more in acceptance.Umm..Am really not sure.You never know.
He:Good concept.I like it.
She: Ha.Simple and sensible,acceptance in case your "so called world of miracles" doesnt turn up the way it has to be,when your dreams look more of flimsy characters of a puppet show you thought that you drove, while it wasnt you.And more so, you have to be dreaming of miracles to make them realities or learn some other truths about your life
He: Woah! You sound philosophical!
She: Is it? Hehe.People sound what they really arent in real.The outer us is always changing,adapting,turning colours from green to white,devilish and at peace in that order,but the inner us is just constant,so constant.
He: You are nailing me right on my head?You are upset,arent you?Will you mind sharing?
She: Haha.No, am perfectly fine and not upset at all.Rather,am at my best of moods.It works the other way round for me you see.Lol.I have just completed reading my favourite author.And that has made my mind and my heart start working you know.
(A smile and she blushes as she speaks of her favourite author)
He: Ohk, thats pretty cool.Show me that.May I?
She: Yes sure,Here you have , my favourite author in one of his best novels.Ohh, i cant wait.I have never been so happy since long.I am going to see him,after all.Innaugration of his latest novel,and i have got the passes luckily.Too good to be true,Isnt it?
(He turns to look away for a moment and suddenly towards her with an appreciative glance.Looks at her face for a moment too long, as he hands over the novel back to her and smiles.)
He:It seems good.Will read it if i found it.
She: Sure,You will love it.
He: Will tell you when we meet next time .Hope it happens,and soon.
(She reaches out to her tresses, her facial expression of a little discomfort ,with a realisation that hes flirting)
He senses it and turns away to look at the window.
No more conversations.They sit silently for an odd 10 minutes and finally,the bus stops with a jerk.
He raises and looks at her into the eye,and says :
"See you soon.Thanks! Your words meant a lot.Am dreaming of a miracle and will love to turn it into a reality soon".
And walks away, before she could speak,leaving her puzzled.
She too rushes in excitement and reaches the venue on time,picking up the first row seat,eager to meet the person,who she thinks understands so much she ever wanted to say, and feel.Her Favourite author, her miracle which will never turn into a reality.
And amidst loads of people,cheering and applause, he arrives, like the world which existed only in her dreams,always, whenever she used to dream.
And they exchange a smile,and he comes to her and says: "Let us make this miracle a reality!Will you"
And she blushes and smiles,lips murmuring a faint "yes",sinking in the feeling of being the happiest women present there.
Yeah,Miracles do happen and become a reality some time! Its just a question of when,where and how.

An aura..

Something within me fails to subside,
Something in my thoughts fails to abide,
The hush within me, at times,speaks aloud,
when those crystal clear answers turn into a hazy cloud.
An emptiness,furtively makes its way,
whenever it feels that its bene long it had its say.
I start looking at the world with the third " neutral " eye,
Shedding off all dreams, aspirations, shedding off the urge to fly.
Its me against the world is what i see that time,
No meaning of my deeds,no ends,no loops,i see every emotion within me sublime.
I see no ray, no darkness engulfing around,
No elation from heart,neither a wound.
I see nothing on my mind making a sound,
Some moments pass by,and time turns around.
I regain from an aura,transient,yet always bringing me back to ground,
That life is precious,to be set free and not to be bound.
And i turn up happier,contented and at peace,
Coz the smile matters,whether you say "Butter " or "Cheese"..:)

The life song

Somewhere along , a pang of guilt weighs heavy on my mind,
No time to think,yet a lost and found thought coupled with a smile,helps me unwind.
That breeze and the scent of flowers makes me feel at my best,
Starry nite, music and sound of my footsteps makes me forget the rest.
Do my smiles convey how much i adore some people around,
do those words i speak aloud go in vain or make the right sound?
Am i the same as i am,in the eyes of those who are part of my close knit world?
Why do i feel bound at times,though the flag of my life has been long unfurled.
Who is destiny,what is my aim,
What is the reward for the toughest game.
Game that all of us are playing all along,
creating sounds to be fitted into our life song.
We experiment,fail and be a sport again,
We lose, we fret,we win and we become happy time and again.
Amidst the siloloquy we learn to live the hardest of the ways,
Love,laughter,sorrows becoming a part of the divine chase.
The chase of the deepest meaning,our life centred to the most cherished dream,
a nod, a smile, a shriek of achievement,and the world around full of gleam.
A smile,a shriek,laughter and a silent nod,
a look at the sky thanking the god,
Wonder what we are here for, is it good or bad?
why does departure makes us sad...
Wonder whats it to some unfulfilled experiences,
whats there to our dreaming big and lost senses...
Whats there to some hard realities...
Whats there to tragedy and terribel casualties..
The world goes round,whatever comes goes away one day,
Bless us god,and forgive our wrongs,is what all we can say!

Soulful conversation

Your ridicule moistens my dry eyes ,always twinkling for life, still i manage to smile hard,
I curse myself for being what i am, and in the next moment feel that life as is is the biggest reward.
I feel a twitch in my heart when i see myself as a burden, from the words you speak,
The aloofness then returns loudly, and the voice of my silence overshadows my urge to shriek.
I try chaning places with you to know why and how you come upto conclusions which are a surprise,
I shrug and feel hollow,learning how misonceptions and misunderstandings arise.
I feel defeated,when you, a part of my small world, unfade my ugly side,
I would have been smiling my best, had you understood and lied.
Had you felt that i too have a heart and like doing somethings my way,
I wouldnt have regretted sharing my tiniest bits,had i had some more say.
I am selfish, i seek care and submissiveness,
I know i should shrug off some of my stubborness.
Its high time i be a butterfly without wings,
and be the epitome of peace that the compromise brings.
Time to put the thinking hat,time to grow up being a silent breeze,
to stop being a storm ,there is only this golden chance i should seize.
But i wonder,will i be the same colourful charming butterfly amongst beautiful flowers,
will i be,in my search for nectar,at the cost of my freedom,have the same smile with healing powers..?
Will my world still be the same,innocent,yet wise,
For a life that i chose,will i be time and again still paying the price,
Will the path be where i turn my footsteps,
or will it mean holding your hand and closing my eyes, i wonder...

The Wow Experience!

How does it feel to be sitting alone,in all peace,near marine drive,watching the green blue water splashing time and again at the rocks,making beautiful sounds and some distant ships adding to the glamour and an Oberoi hotel standing erect,with the JAZZ restuarant,living off the aura of the place? Sounds great i guess, and it really sounded like heaven for some odd moments.Long time back,but worth putting into words.I happened to visit a place near Marine drive long time back,and was alone by chance,and came a thought that the journey will be incomplete without a stay near marine drive.1: 00 PM.Sunny,but the cool breeze compensated for the weather.The beautiful rocks,some tiny tidbits-the ships,a hut like thing in middle of waters which looked magnificient,and the shore,like a beautiful island,with skyscrapers and right mix of colours- green and white flashed a scenic view.Engrossed,i felt,when i tried to fix my gaze to the farthest point visible,and there was this smoky lining which was so beautiful and left me feeling so at peace.Music on,cool breeze,the perfect rocks to give you the feel,and water sparkling and running back and forth amidst some rocks which stood tall. The half an hour i spent gazing was too good and worth capturing in my thoughts.I clicked some pics too.It was one of my Wow experiences and i,out of the blue,remembered,wake up sid..:-)

For ladies out there!! =) =)

My attempts at portraying a 16 year old girl's heart when it comes to crushes..:-)

"She has been holding onto something since sometime. In true terms,shes clinging onto a ghost.The short lived memory she remembers of the encounter with him,when she almost fell in love with him, the fun loving streak in him added to his handsome looks that made her believe he was the Raj who would come running to her,and thus will materialize happily, the dreams and life anew,with the title track of "DDLJ" and beats of shehnai,making her to shed some happy tears of mixed emotions.But,who would have known,that her visualisations are a mirage,and her Raj is still far,making out his way to reach her,accidentally,incidentally or intentionally,sometime sooner or later.But, the getting over part is always tough,and she had been having her share of that now."He" was somewhere distant,unaware,uninterested and inactive while she bubbled all the time with her frantic efforts to catch up with life.How much she wanted to be in touch with him ,only she knew.A ray of hope of a miracle happening and people getting together accidentally,on her mind, was what she lived for at some moments.She,all the time knew she was being silly but she wanted to be silly and enjoy the feeling.She wanted to feel the madness,the craziness and the stupor which made her feel like a 16 year old. She prayed to god,cribbed to friends about "Him",dreamt of him at times,thought of miracles happening and a broad smile crossed her face everytime she thought of him.When at times her mind hovered over her weak heart and all the soft corners seemed stiffened,she wondered whether he really deserved it?Did he and will he ever know that shes brimming with thoughts of him?Will he get the cues that will never ever be thrown by her deliberately? Will he ever try to know her and think about her? She knew the answers, he would not even give it a thought,leave aside trying to know her.She knew and was confident that there was no hope.But, he had already made her crazy.For a time till she found a new crush.And he will be gone, from her thoughts and dreams, a role reversal happening,when she would realise that she isnt getting any better clinging onto stupid memories,which never existed and will never do.
When a new crush she will develop will sweep her off her feet, then she will be off "him".She wont be feeling the same madness anymore,no deep thoughts like before.She wont be swaying like a wind,but will settle like a drop of water on a rose petal, shining bright and beautiful.She will let life around her blossom...

The fall will go,and the spring will arrive...Seasons change,so do feelings and emotions,but what stays is the heart and "You" and your Raj might be somewhere near, about to reach you and if he already is with you,it cant get better...:-P

A tribute to the woman in me...

Thought of putting down few lines,which i wrote on " I am proud to be a woman because", a 3 liner slogan contest organised at my workplace :(3 sentence limit was not enough and i was tempted to extend it but the "award points " that the contest promises to winners made me stick to rules..:-P)

"I am the one to develop life within you, i am the tears in your eyes whenever you're in pain,at your side when you're lost,the one to adore you when you feel low and uncared for.I shine when you smile,and can suffer whatever it takes for that.I live for you,for all life in this world- Am a mother,a daughter, a wife and an enterpreneur, and i am proud of my existence."

I cant wait for the results.Whatever, i loved what i wrote..= )

My attempts at Fiction 55

I am not sure what to pen down.Have a lot of thoughts cluttering my mind,generally during odd hours like these,when i think a lot about so much that needs to be done,but end up reading,staring at my gmail inbox,thinking some more and writing something off before i go sleep.Wish to write a fiction 55 now,came to know if it just now by reading someone's blog.

Remember,when we were kids, the fights and rants over pettiest things,my bullish attitude and tantrums that made you crazy,the photo together,my first day to school,that reminds me of our togetherness..Breaks my heart when i dont see the love, when you dont agree but still not fight,
Oh brother,wish you could be the same...

Dont know if its a good one or not...But it was worth a try..:)

Whatever has to happen,Happens no matter what!!

I am not loud generally, at peace and at my calm side most of the times,except when i am in my full spirits,in a mood to laugh,joke or have something big to gossip about or the times when i feel great after pursuing my hobbies.But, it is not a surprise that watever i think and how i appear to others, is a big contrast at times.I am a typical cancerian, no doubts at that. :-P.I joke,kid,smile and blush with people who are my world right now, my office group,(where i spend almost 10 hours a day on average), my roommates and few people i call friends, but the seriousness in my thoughts and sincerity of my goals doesnt reflect much in my conversations.I choose that as an option at times, because once i start cribbing, theres no end to it.:-). But jokes apart, i am taboo when it comes to talking and thinking about my dreams.I like my wishes,my dreams and my aims, to be somewhere deep within, not talked of or thought about,because it gives me a strange hope and i fear feeling broken in case they dont materialise.Not that i am not open to accepting defeats, i am pretty prepared most of the times when things dont fall into place as they should, but i like being superstitious and closed ended about what i want from life.I just came to recall one of the conversations, i had come from a trek,tired,exhausted but too excited and happy.The time was not apt to be sinking in a open ended conversation, coz i was in a mood to talk endlessly about my great experience of the trek.Yet, it went well but i later realized that it was a total failure from my side,an inefficient portrayal of what i am is a suitable phrase.I kept on talking and talking not even listening to what the other person has to say and that was indeed very cruel and sad on my part.Whenever i think about that, i shudder.What i portrayed of myself incidentally was the part when i am too enthusiastic and crazy, not the real me.No Matter what, that was a part of me talking anyways.But, somewhere this left me feeling that "Whatever happens, happens on its own" and in some ways, you cannot help changing,reforming or materializing some things in life.Its an altogether strange phenomenon. Even if you try hard to make things at place, they cant be unless the smallest entity involved is in full confidence and theres a green signal from the almighty/destiny or whatever stars you believe in.Whatever comes, goes some day.And it is always for the better that you convert your journey to a smaller station to a world tour.Who knows you may get the best which may help you forget the rest!!

Absent Minded...

I think at times, that i am pretty simple.Simple to understand,interpret and not at all subtle when it comes to my reactions and my behaviour.But am not.I am complex, in my own ways.Ways that awe me at times.I may be not thinking stereotypically at a time when at the same time my reactions and expressions seem controlled and close ended.I may be thinking about daring it and letting what i think,feel and interpret out at the same time,when at the moment,to you,i may sound too narrow minded.I may be hunched up and seem uncomfortable as i sit crouched in a corner with those bored up looks,but in the inside who knows am thinking about my dreams and smiling my smiles.I may with my group,my team, or my family,laughing and making merry,when at inside i may be troubled every now and then by strange thoughts,missing some times,missing some people out of the blue,remembering the ones i care for.You may think i am really "with you" when you are busy explaining something,but see my eyes,are they twinkling?If not, am not "with you", i am in some other world,a world of my thoughts.Thoughts which make me think 20 things at a time, while i am concentrating on neither of them..Lol.. I am writing this when i just thought about writing something else.I may be watching a movie, connecting to realities in some or other way,an emotional scene which makes me cry may be something out of the blue,giving me a license to shed some tears for a while..I come home so happy and cheerful and i cant stop talking ..But a conversation,a worry,a news,or just a introspection at things around me,or concern for my family, an act of getting misunderstood, and those smiles are lost in no time.I feel lost.Those walks with music on make me at peace.Make me feel proud at myself.Make me realise my worth in strange ways.Coz at those times, i feel like dancing in the winds,i feel like flying with my wings,i cherish the perfume the air brings and blessed i feel,and my heart sings..:):) At times, i feel life sucks.Next moment,i do not feel like talking .Sighs and some bad spirits.Those around me come to rescue.Start a conversation,make me smile, and am back again.Cracking jokes,laughing,smiling at myself for being moody.Am a typical cancerian.I am what i am..:-)

Some questions to myself!

I had been holding a dream for a while.And the excitement, and good things coming my way made it visible again.A hope rose from nowhere and i started believing that sooner or later, i will turn that dream into a reality.A path where all will be new, alive and full of life, as i want it to be.I hoped that i will,sooner or later,create a masterpiece of love and care with my experiences and encounters with life till now- that the biggest meaning to my life, my most sought after wish, that the thirst to get understood and cared for, the biggest promises i will make, all will be a reality well enjoyed and cherished by me.But, i feel it all trampled amidst some thoughts of uncertainty and destiny.What is there in store for me now that i have held the hand of destiny and looking out with open eyes in my search for brightness? Will that silent wish, lying deep within, always open to speak out but filled with uncertainties, be fulfilled as i want it? Or will compromises show on my faded smiles? Will those smiles that really come from my contented heart be the same or will those speak of a different language, or will they be epitome of acceptance? Because i want this decision, this wish to be as it is,i want that blessing in disguise to be a prompt thing, not something i need to " think about" and then coming upto the conclusion.I wanted to react according to the signals my heart gives,even if they are wrong, but somewhere, inside, i wanted my heart to speak out and mind to be silent. The confidence that i will bless someone's life with my presence may be called nothing by those who dont understand,will it mean everything, as it does to me to the one who i seek? Will our dreams match? Will my wish to be pampering and caring for even the smallest things in "his" life be trampled under some practicalities? Will it be living under same roof or really a confluence of hearts?Will the dream to respect and love his parents be a distant one? Will they think the same about my harmless intentions? Will the new meaning i seek and the care i will shower be understood?
Maybe yes, maybe blended with some compromises.I dont know as of yet.But if it doesnt, all will still be well but that dream will be trampled and i fear that.I will cope up but will i really? I again do not know.Why i think this right now? I do not know. What am i heading to? I do not know. It will be the way it has to be,still it troubles me.Prompts me to think and act.Prompts me to seek solace.I feel like a kid who is not getting his favourite bicycle at such time.I feel like kneeling down and asking god for a miracle at that moment.But, somewhere the belief still limps that all will be well, and if isnt,it will not be worse either!
P.S . :- The obvious answers are , as always known to me and all, but sometimes, i like these self talks which make me wonder after i have written that whether it was me thinking this serious stuff at the time ! so, this writeup doesnt seek any answers.. :-)

"You Are your world!! "

They say "Follow Your heart", they say " do what you wish for and all will be yours?" Is it really true? I wonder if it is.Not atleast in the matters of heart.No movie called "Rules" or no formula works when it comes to one sided liking or love at first sight or exaggerated infatuation, which if pursued may work wonders or whatsover.You cant really make the other person go mad about you unles you are the only person present on this earth except him/her? Blame the thought process.Blame the behaviour.Blame chemistry and vibes.Blame the mind and the heart.Blame the circumstances,destiny.But, do not blame yourself.Because, you are the whole of your emotions, your world.Could emotions persist in you if your heart wasnt there? Could you develop love, hate or an indifference, had your mind and heart not been in confluence/conflict at times? Hadnt that first look given you the confidence of " Yes, he is the one/she is the one?" Hadnt that mind helped your bruised heart when that small "No" had meant end of you world for some time? Some time,because you kept on moving as others did and you and them, both found out new destinations,and stoppages for that matter.Dont you find shelter in your loved ones, in form of increased attention towards them, catching up with friends, when you start feeling the burden of a broken heart, or some troubles that rip you apart,arent they really solved out/ pushed back when those beautiful words of sympathy by your wellwishers uplift you like anything.You always forget the ongoers,and who wish to stay with you and really do, are those who matter and should matter. Sometimes its difficult finding the difference between whos in and whos out of the shell i call "My world" ,some people and things keep on changing places, but the eternity is "You" or " me in my case.I see,listen, talk, interact,react feel.I make promises,break them,fulfil them, ignore,accept, compromise,love, care and i am the one to ignore, avoid,forget and forgive.Its all a "You" world you see.
So, be what you are and when you feel devoid of any emotion coming in your mind,just remember, you have yourself!

Monday Ke Funday!! :-)

I am happy today.No reasons as such,but yeah Monday and excitement is one thing thats so rare.:-).It goes like that most of the days.Mornings are refreshing,full of happiness, with all those jovial "Hi's " and "good mornings" and some comments from my side to make people laugh,some conversations and catching up with friends at times,my search among the crowd swarming in the office and in the bus,looking for some cheerful faces,and ofcourse troubling my colleagues by my stupid chats.:-) Today is the same, and it felt great to be calling one of my two sweetheart friends,and cribbing nonstop to her about what i am worried about, and laughing it off as i always do.But, something is really good about today.Don't know, but my spirits are too high.It is transient as half an hour more, and those client applications and tools will change place with this interesting blogger space.I waste most of the day moving here and there, talking, enjoying what i call a total destress phenomenon and get to work after lunch.But, it is totally worth it.I just went to my Lead's cabin and passed on a message to him, from a colleague.And then, he asked if i came on weekend to work to which i, with the most sweetest smile I could gather, said Yes.He thanked me for the work i and a teammate have been doing and it felt really great.Day made kind of compliment.And and and,the work for today has been assigned.So time to switch screens.I am just loving the day.. :-):-)

The golden Fish

Scene 1:
A school going boy with his mother at an aquarium shop.
"Mama, i want this aquarium,i just love the fishes in this one,see, the golden one is so beautiful,Mom, please,".
Mom says,"O dear! This ones like already sold,see the "ALREADY Sold" mark there.Come, lets see other ones.There are so many fishes out there darling.Lets see them all.You will "Like" others more,wont you?"
Kid-No, I want this one itself.I love it and lets have it, atleast try it for me.
Mom- Ok,if you say.
She hesitantly goes to the shopkeeper and Comes back after 2 minutes.
Kid-(with a smile on his face displaying pure innocence and hope) This golden fish is like awesome,one of the things i have loved so much.Thanks Mom.
Mom- I am sorry.The shopkeeper said NO.
Kid- (in tears but firm and quiet,probably hes very balanced)-Ok Mom.No problem,next time.
He manages a smile and his last thought "Its not always that you get what you wish" and a smile, or a laugh at the way things go, and he fades away with his mom never to come again to the shop.

Scene 2:

The aquarium with the golden fish is delivered to the real "owner".A big house, rich people and nice place.It becomes the limelight there for few days,and people are so excited there for their new aquarium and their beautiful fish.Few days, the charm fades away,people dont even care to look in the direction the mighty aquarium lies.Properly fed and watered, the fish starts feeling lonely due to the lack of attention and love poured onto it till sometime ago.Owners notice that feed is not being consumed,they get worried.They also notice that the golden fish has lost its sheen,it is ridden to a corner with no movement at all.Time passes,and nothning changes.One day, the fish dies.
Last thoughts:"I loved the way that boy adored me.I wished they could listen to my shrieks when i said:"Yes,i want to go with this child,i know he will take good care of me.Anyways,its fine.
"You don't always get what you want!"
A smile and its gone.

The Mighty Hope..

Hope is a bird, it becomes visible whenever you look above, to see the sky,and flies away as soon as it approaches you.For some, it may be an eagle who makes you fall prey to the despair it leave behind in case what you think would happen,doesnt fall into place, for some it may be the lucky dove bird, which becomes harbinger of peace and happiness. For some, it may be a sparrow, whom they feed just to satisfy their souls of the good they are doing to it,plain and simple out of good intention.For some,it may mean freedom, freedom to chirp, sing and fly away into the unknown.But hope never comes alone.It brings strength at times, to face the odds, at time happiness and smiles, at times remorse to be followed by acceptance, or at times, a revolution,when you break free from all contraints that are just so useless but a part of your life,just beacuse you think them to be.

"Let the hopes rise high,let your beautiful heart fly..
Its not always that you reap what you sow,
that you expect a warmth and you rather get a blow..
Break free and never make yourself feel tied by a rope,
Coz however worse it may become, the hopeless hope will let you cope.."

Ahem..:)

Ankhon hi ankho me...

I have been listening to this song so much off late.In Mornings which mean this song on the way to office and some silent introspection before the "Day at work" begins, during the day in between loads of work to move myself away from the chaos,after the office on way home which marks the start of "Me time", now that the work is killing .The music,especially is so rocking. Sung by Mohit chauhan, i have become a fan of almost all his songs.The way he blends emotion with his words is awesome.The lyrics of this particular song are sure to wake up the " dreaming kid" in you,what with the great music and cheerful words that left you wondering what you are doing in office doing some boring stuff.. :-P .Its become a habit to listen to this song, many a times every single day.Bogged down by the extreme pressure of work these days, this song when played on full volume takes me away from what is not appropriate(WORK..:-P) and makes me search for some meanings to the words that flow so beautifully coupled with the great music.
And the lines:" Chaand sitare sare benoor the, tumse mile tabhi roshan hue...Ek do kadam hi sahi milkar chalein..Kal kisne dekha hai kya bharose hai reh na jaye gile..." are sure to give anybody the "High..:)".
And the song's over,and the flight ends.:)
Back to loads of work!

Day dreamer..:-P

I am busy catching a flying feather,it will blow away with a breeze soon,
but a touch and i wanna feel like reaching my moon.
I wish to be the sun for a while,shining brightly at its best,
To be near the moon,catching glimpses and forgetting the rest.
To be a kid and ask for the fairy to fulfil my silent wish,
to be spoilt and cared for,and getting all what i want in my life dish.
To be smiling and feeling alive in a different way, every single day,
to be creating masterpieces in life,by the sands i have collected each day.
I wish the transient contentment to be fixed forever on my face,
i wish to flow in the memories,yet be the beholder of the golden phase.
I wish a fullstop somewhere,i wish a smile,a look and some care..

Tribute to those i love!!

Just read a friend's blog and it filled me with a pain.Strange but yes, the strength i carry inside me and the "dont care much " attitude about some difficult situations that i try adopting at times, thanks to the motivation around, seemed to be fading away.Feeling a tinge inside, remorse,regret and a helplessness.Reasons are not one but many.What am i doing here away from home?Earning good bucks?Enjoying living on own terms?Discovering me?Learning from people around?Interacting with people?Or travelling and loving nature?What exactly m here for??Aint i missing loads of things back home?Aint i missing the need to nurture my younger brother's talents? Am i not supposed to help him out in his queries and teach him as i did at times when i was at home?Shouldnt i be taking care of my mother when she develops a sore throat, has fever or is burdened with loads of daily chores? Shouldnt i be taking my brother and mother to some place,as they get bored being at home at times, at a time,when i am watching 3 Idiots in awe at a theater or shopping at a mall with my friends?Shouldnt i be showering my care that i show to people close to me,my friends to my parents??Not that they need it but i owe it to them.I owe my existence,my achievements,the meaning of my life,the blessings ((all theirs),my destiny which is a result of their prayers to them.My mother who gets so worried when she sees me in trouble,when she doesnt sleep if i am worried,is an epitome of a sacrifice, i wonder, i will be able to do, when i become a parent some day.No wonder, they call mother the supreme and above heaven.My younger brother, writes me notes on "farewell!Take care " and buys toffees/chocolates for me whenever i leave from home for another city for so called office life?And the feeling that grips me whenever i leave home everytime is just symbolised in one word-empty/choked.


And then, one more thought keeps striking, am i doing justice to my relatives?My grandma (both maternal and paternal), my dadaji, who bothers to call me and what i hear first when he calls up is his laugh,and then some words of how i am doing.Makes me feel small, really small at times for not being much in touch.I, at times feel worried for my naniji,who cant stop blessing me whenever she meets me, and a sad thought prevails in my mind for that time.My dadaji and dadiji, who were so close to me when i was young, they nurtured the golden phase of my infancy with their utter love, concern and care.And here am i,far away from them, not bothering to call, talk to them,though i try meeting them whenever i go home.Out of a fear at times.Shouldnt say this but a fear of losing them.Just feeling like talking to them, and will call them soon.when i miss my childhood,i miss them.I miss them through the memories that my photographs help revisit,i miss the tales that my dadi used to tell me before sleeping, i miss spending my vacations with her,i miss being spoilt with her love and all the tantrums that were the result of so much love, i miss my bua who has been a sweet elder sister , who always let me use her cosmetics, creams and took me places with her.!I miss the times that can never come back.I miss going with my dadaji everyday while he used to bring milk,and come home carrying chocolates,or sweet cigarettes and eat an dplay with them entire day.. LOL..:-)
I miss my naniji's big and delicious chappatis(full of ghee) which i havent eaten elsewhere in my life till now,i miss the stories she used to tell,I miss the place and my nanaji's pics that hung on the well,with a garland.I miss my cousins, hanging out with them,laughing like anything, their pranks on me, i miss my maasi and the times with her and her daughter, my cousin with whom i have had a lot of fun,hanging together.But i hate it for not being much in touch.I hate it for not connecting to them frequently.Feel guilt at times when the phone rings and i see on my cell,dadaji calling or bhai calling(cousin), and i hate it for not being the caller but the receiver, but i know the memories are intact and the respect and love too.And it will.Till i am alive.I thank them all for adorning my life with their presence and becoming the lovely possessions i have.

Man ke vichaar!!

Aj in akhon me neend nai hai, par kabhi to hogi..
shayad ye raat lambi hai, par andhere ko dekhte dekhte suraj se mulakaat to hogi...
Vichaaro ka drid nischay jeet raha hai har pal,
nasamajh ankhein deti hai dhoka,thakaan ke bahaav me beetega ek lamba kal..
Ankhein mundne ki asha hai, barso ho gaye dekhe suraj ki pehli kiran..
par afsoos hai is soch ko daba deta hai har baar ye chanchal sa man...
sama shaant hai,raat ne aisi chadar bikheri hai..
bas main hu aur kahin udti si neend,wo chidiya andhere me bhi kitni sunehri hai..
Man na khush hai, na hi gum ya koi niraasha hai,
na hi hai kisi ki umeed, na hi koi asha hai..
ek patta bhi na hilta hai,kahi door rat sar sar kar apna ehsaas dilati hai,
so ja o pagli, so ja tu kyun der raat tak soch ke sagar me doobi samay bitati hai??
kyun na tu apne man ko rokti hai, apni ankho r shareer ko kyu tu roj satati hai,
main ayi hu tere lie,tu kyun na fir mujhme sama jaati hai, tu kyu na so jati hai???
Ae pyaari raat, jab sansen har pal chalti hain aur samay nirantar badta hai,
lehrein chahke bhi na tham paati hai, aise hi ye man har pad khud se ladta hai..
apni raah banata hai, girta hai sambhalta hai,
khud se,duniya se,kuch prashan anokhe karta hai,
par ye har pal vichaaron ke sagar ko cheer age badta hai..
har pal uttar dhundta,dusre pal naya sawaal karta hai,
shatranj ka ek kachcha khiladi,ye khud hi apne dard ko harta hai..
par bas apni hi karta hai...
bas ek sawaaal tha is man me ...
ki jeevan ka kya antim hai, raah ab kitni baaki hai..
to ye chanchal bola, jeevan ka ras pita ja saki, jaam abhi baaki hai..


:)...i dont know if it was me writing...started at random and created this somehow though i am not that good at hindi much!!

Silly and Sweet saturday

I have never felt so free and happy before.Did a lot of shopping today thanks to the season sale and me and my excited roomates, and realised that there is a grave need to lose some weight,its high time now and i have been neglecting the need and gorging like anything.Time for some serious introspection and concern.
But,blame it on time.It has never flown so smoothly since long.Not much problems bothering me, no rush of sad feelings of late,great roommates to share my time with, means weekends do not mean cribbing alone or being left to mercy of my laptop, not many encounters with people whom i cant relate to,though on and off somethings happen which shake me a bit, but nothing serious has caught my eye.Work is cool, not that much and am enjoying the free time.Have become too too lazy, started watching movies(at the mercy of channel Z studio), eat a lot as compared to before..(this is an alarm which i try fitting in my mind and it never calls off at right time,when i m near sweets,cake n all the fattening things..Lol... just like my stupid cellphone alarm), and last but not the least, drink a lot of tea(almost addicted).Dont know why i am not following the restraints and being what my heart says at the moment, no regrets after that too.Maybe its a passing phase.Maybe i have let my hair down for good.Maybe it is compensating for some challenging phase ahead, so that i do not complain in future, may be its the chance to live off each moment in extremities, so that i may experience the thrill of following my heart.Though i am not chilling out with people, friends and partying at all(thats so rare), but i feel great about being at home here,and enjioying the daily chatters,the time spent with variety of people i come across with, in office and home ofcourse.Its real and fantastic at the same time.Speaking of the moment, me and one of my roommates are scribbling something on our laptops, rest sleeping and i am feeling the magic of togetherness, it feels like home.Have so many pending tasks to complete, but i no more feel the pressure to complete them.:-)
Call it madness, laziness or stupidity.But m enjoying it and thats matters i guess.. :)
Speaking of whats on my mind(Sorry, blame the line on facebook..:)) just reminding the funny experiences of the day, shopping till we were drop dead, running from one to other trial room with loads of clothes in our hands, and all ladies around,waiting in queues over a dabba sized trial room,and the repeated trails and successes and failures.And last but most funny part, asking each other about whether what we took suits us,or we should drop some really hard earned picks(aah...with all those trials @ 5 trials per pick), now that e have been spending so much, and cribbing about losing so much money, thinking, rethinking and finally taking up things.Never leaving the dresses on display so that we may not miss anything better(Lol...) and me, checking the prices before liking somethings in particular..Lol..and letting go in case its too overpriced..:)
And the biggest boost is the non stop assurances from friends that the particular clothing item is too good, too sober, no, not overpriced, you must not lose it..:-)...
The fun of shopping is whats on my mind and it was awesome.

Creeping together!!

Saw this beautiful creeper in the garden near my place while i was taking a walk an airy evening.Tried capturing but couldnt get it right as it was dark, so finally clicked it next day.Everytime i see this thing while i pass through that zone, i just find myself smiling.Though funny, a random thought came into my mind that this creeper suggests some hearts sticking together, not knowing the direction they will move in, trusting in the plant,wind and the immediate heart they are with, and just standing still,waiting to be swayed in whichever direction nature wishes them to be in.See the gaps in between the groups of two hearts,which give the impression of the space each one of the couples is getting, but still they will all move in same direction once wind blows in force.Strange but isnt our life in coincidence with many people we dont know,never seen, or will ever get to meet? Isnt our fate and destiny working at times in sync with many other people on earth? Arent our decisions the same tough and on same lines as some other people? We are sailing in same boat, many of us,but how we emerge out is different.The mind and heart.The various permutations of the reactions mind and heart together produce in every individual give way to whole lots of decisions and their outcomes-at times complications or at times simple escapades,some tragedies, some moments of happiness or some discoveries into the unknown.But, who makes the best decision in a situation? The one who is more happy today? What is happiness- is it about subduing your wishes in lieu of the word compromise/sacrifice? or is it about rebellion and this flying high? God knows.Coz whats the certainty that the one who is subdued today will not be a free bird tomorrow, free from the guilt of going against the trend, free from a life lived for his/her own and not for others, guilt for being mean..? And you also dont know whether the one who rebelled today will never run into clutches of loneliness and solitude, boasting of a freedom without a meaning, all alone ??
Theres no exact in life. Wherever it is, peace prevails.Not because it is the way it is supposed to be , because it is the way we get used to accepting it.Acceptance is so difficult but the way it makes life easier is remarkable.
Well , i got off track.. :-)
The view i wanted to portray through this pic was of togetherness and warmth.The gullible hearts floating along make me think if that's life.Living on the edge,unsure of consequences,because you know whatever may happen, you have near you a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold on while you keep your fingers crossed for success ,a pair of eyes to understand your silence, and ears to share your victories and defeats.
And thus, may love prevail forever, ever.Ahem.. :-)

Twilight

"See u r dancing..."
"Am prom...why did u save me??...you could have let the venom spread..i cud be like u by now..."
"You dont know wat u r saying..you dont want this.."
"I want u..always.."
"Am not gonna end your life..."
"Am dying already...i need a second and get closer.."
"Its way it is supposed to be.."
"i understood that u saw me like u.."
"Visions change...."
"Based on them, you decide..i decided.."
"So thats wat u dream about ??Becoming a monster..???
"I want to be with u forever."
"Forever? ..And you are ready rite now..?? "
"Yes...."
A Pause.A tinge of nervousness in Bella's eyes. She closes her eyes and edward moves closer to her neck.
A kiss on the neck...
"Is it not enough...??just to have a long and happy life with me...??
"Yeah...for NOW."

"No one will surrender tonight,but i wont give in..
i know what i want..."(I will keep on insisting to edward to turn me to a vampire some day only to be his forever, ever)

Simply superb.

The ending note of the movie Twilight.An awesome work, i am completely mesmerized by these words that Edward and Bella exchange,and which in my view, is the complete definition of love in true sense.Faith,sacrifice,compassion, care, warmth, the things which make the exact meaning of love, are all a part of these odd lines, perfect, pristine and priceless.In eyes of Bella, i saw the faith that surpassed the biggest fears on this earth,in her belief and actions, i saw the best dedication i have ever seen till now, in her efforts to save her parents, i saw the best daughter in the world.In Edward's control in not letting himself attack bella, i saw the true enormity of sacrifice, in his eyes, i saw the most honest promise one has ever made,in his protectiveness towards bella, i saw the best warmth love could have, in his undying efforts to make bella safe, i saw the fulfillment of promise in true terms, in his success at leaving bella safe when he was sucking her blood, to extract venom out of her body,i saw the most worthy rememberance of memories in life.And in their successfully emerging out to be together at the end of the day, i saw love, in its most pristine and unimaginable form.I am no Edward, i am no Bella, and i am not at all related to the masterpiece that "twilight" is, yet i am privileged to be seeing and imagining what i mentioned above.

Though some part of me is dreaming and asking some obvious questions...
Is love really that true..?
Is faith that strong?
Is a promise that firm that it may break the one who promised before letting it go unfulfilled?
Is sacrifice and control any better than this in todays times?
Can someone still claim to speak the following words like Bella did:

"I never given much thought to how i would die..but dying in place of someone i love would be good way to go...
i cant bring myself to regret over decisions that brought me face to face with that..
They also brought me edward.."

I probably do not know.If any answers exist,i wish they become a part of my life, your life, everybody's life and thus love may prevail.

P.S.: The title of movie speaks it all:
Twilight - A faint light; a dubious or uncertain medium through which anything is viewed. Edward and Bella saw and followed the light and rest is history!!


I wish to let this post sail on in its own randomness without any questions, any other comments welcome as ever.. :)

A Cuppa Coffee!!

have been having this coffee thing on my mind since few days now, so finally thought of writing about it..I have moved to a place that’s near to a Cafe coffee day joint, rather just next to it. Every night, at around 12, when i am mostly sitting with my laptop doing nothing great , the thought of CCD joint and the atmosphere there, seems to take me away. I feel like going to the place that very moment, but stop myself when i look at the clock. I crib to my friends online about not being able to go out at that time, though its not about security or going late, but it is more of the fact that i dont wish to go alone, now that my roommates are mostly asleep by then.:) The funny thing is that i start imagining the fascinating capuccino cup in my mind, and i start experiencing the smell of freshly brewed hot coffee and smoke coming out. And my ears try hard to trace out distant conversations going on in CCD among a group of people hanging out there. (Though then i try hard and somehow hear a distant bark of a dog, and thats funny enough.. :))And so the desire to go to the place.Sounds funny, but maybe the air outside catches that aura from CCD and drops it right there at my window, leaving me tempted :) Just remembered one more interesting conversation related to CCD, rather more of the tagline of CCD which some guy used to indicate to one of my friends that he wants to have a cup of coffee with her and get to know her better. The way she shooed him makes me laugh and remember her everytime i think about CCD.

Whatever, but its a great upliftment when you are a part of a rocking place, with all great shops and places to hang around so near, even if you dont get to go so regularly, but you can have the virtual experiences very very often..

Will be there at CCD soon, and will be looking forward to a good experience. After all , they say “A lot can happen over coffee”!! :-):-)

The Moon washed hours

1:40 am .Pin drop silence except the slow motion of fan and keys of my laptop's keyboard.Some dizzy noises of dogs barking somewhere.A peaceful room.All my flatmates sleeping by this time.I am half sleepy.My mind doesnt want to stop.Brimming with innumerable questions. Wish to meet him.The God/mentor/fate or whatever you may call.Want to trace out whats next.I am not bored, not dejected, not defeated, not in despair, not in loss.But, a bit lost.The mood swings can be well blamed.Or the new place, lack of much people whom i know.Or maybe i am missing the people i used to derive happiness from.People around me are all good, thanks to god.But i am not me at this moment.Missing something.Reading lots of blogs.Finding it difficult to kill time at times.Feeling i am wasting a lot of precious time.Need to study but just can't.Not in a mood at all.Want to head straight to CCD just in front of my flat, alone or with a group of friends,imaginary thought. :-) Foolish me, dreaming big time.Felt like i acheived a feat sometime back.But, did i really? The tough times are here to come.Need to focus, work hard and show some grit and confidence.Need to synchronise my mind and my actions well on time.Need to console, assure myself of decisions i make from time to time.The place is great, people are cool.But a loneliness gripping me tight.I never try fighting it out.The evening walks down the building are great, refreshing but missing the magic. Missing the happiness i feel everytime i go for a walk with the air brushing against, the beauty of green and children playing, me smiling at cuter ones.. :).Feeling a concern for family, on and off.Feel like taking a step back.Dont want to lose the pitch but something there still grips my mind. Some confusions still biting at times.Life of people around is so simple, they are waking up in the morning, busy with office, returning and sleeping on time. But, for me, night is an old friend.Hope to sleep well, be at peace, stop feeling weird at some points of time.Hope to be the same me, happy with myself and things i do.Hope to be at peace soon.I know i will turn it into a transient phase..I know i will emerge soon..I know i will see the light soon...

Careless!!

Sometimes some strange things happen which take my composure away like wind.Like today itself, i did a blunder in office by misunderstanding the client timings for my interview scheduled to be today, and thought it is scheduled for tomorrow.And made a mess of it by topping it with my failed attempts to converse to onshore team via Company's boardline facility. I had to call on an ISD Number and to my dismay, there is no ISD availability on my connection.Alas, all doors seemed to be closing at that instant.Finally, after frantic efforts, the interview could not take place as the client was unable to hear anything except static and is rescheduled again.But it left me feeling full of guilt and irresponsibility, and am surprised at how careless i become at times, to the height of neglecting my hearing, seeing and thinking abilities.God, its so crazy when you do not read the subject mail where date has been mentioned so well and you end up believing people who havent received the mail. :- On a serious note, first mistake of the year 2k10.

Makes me realise its high time i gear myself up, for the challenges, responsibilites and stop being the crib that i am.I should be holding my mind high with my head.Time is moving, will never stop but why does my mind stop exactly at the point time starts flowing fast?? Mad. Everywhere around, i see people at peace, enjoying being with their family, friends, even rejoicing minutest of the minute things while i crib and cry and fail to remind myself that theres more to life than problems,and they must be handled single handedly and single mindedly, but not with the views of 10 people around you.Coz u know the worth of ur desicions and u will have to face the same, not those 10 odd people. Sometimes, i lose synchronisation between mind and heart, my heart says "go for it" while my mind wanders in the silly calculations of how the "it" will not be good for me, making it all so complex. I keep on fighting the battle between mind and heart while some important things which deserve great attention remain unnoticed, untouched and then a blunder happens.And wakes me up finally. Dont know how and why it happens, but its kind of crazy !!

Behti Hawa Sa Tha wo...

Wondering whether people like Rancho (read 3 idiots star)do exist today,if they do, when am i going to meet one..;) Yes, people like rancho know how to live life on their terms, they know it all yet do what they love to do, no matter how defeated the world makes them feel, how much pressure the peers put on them, how many words of wisdom are poured on them and how many daily doses of wary looks they are subjected to every day. All sorts of preachers, who themselves dont know how much good they are at things they have never tried pursuing in life, due to fear,try hard to park the thoughts of such brilliant people in wrong paths, unaware of the fact that people like rancho know how to take up their dream boat to the right shore.Discovery comes to those who try outreaching their dreams, fears, uncertainties and who like playing with the risks in life.not always to those, who bend at the first storm that comes and change their paths.Ofcourse, everybody ends up finding contentment somehow, some accepting the fact that it was lack of courage that has led him to where they are and so they have none to blame,some blame themselves, crib, cry, talk and finally find solace by pursuing some other passions while some end up fighting their fears, and live upto their passions, not talking high of their victories but yes, smiling at themselves because they know, they have proved to be the winner of their desires.Whatever, but such people must be really interesting and are rare.. :( Having seen few of them, though never had a chance to peep into how they live their lives, i feel great to see these people budding with life, loaded with enthusiasm, knowing the exact worth of each moment, they have the maximum life can offer.Time is a tide, and they flow in so fast, that every day becomes a memory for such people.How difficult it is to keep the kid in you alive and let him overtake your mature self,to be doing the things that you, at a particular age are not supposed to do? I myself feel uncertain when i think such things...So all in all, such people are a real example of "Life" and are an epitome of a life worth lived..Wish to see some more people in life like Rancho!!!!

The Wiser winners

Just felt like writing about a simple conversation which made me think what it is to life . While i and my roomate were having our dinner, we got a chance to talk to the cook in the guesthouse, somehow he shared out of the blue that he is married and his family is there in bihar.Maybe he was missing them, i observed his face and expression said so.Married since two years, he has just been to his home only for 4 months since then. My instantaneous thought was that it is unfair on part of his wife, to be managing alone without him, when the time is just right for her to see life, enjoy life and gather some moments to cherish upon later.She must be missing him, the thought of him being far would have made her feel jealous sometimes, of the people who are seeing him everyday, interacting with him, getting to spend time with him, his friends and coworkers, while she is counting days only to be hoping for his arrival. So, i asked him the question that bothered me, when i though about her, "why dont you bring your wife along? It is not fair to let her alone? " And his answer was simple, convincing, perfect and touching.He is quite innocent and told us that he has constructed a big house in bihar.His father has taken a lot of loan so he is working here, to repay the same.The way he told that he has done nothing in life except constructing a great house was very touching.I was grounded by honesty of his efforts to be the ideal son, the only son that he is of his parents.When we urged him to bring his wife along, he told that his parents deserve equal attention, so his wife will be with them till he returns.And he will return once he repays back the loan.He told me that he is confident that he will make up for the loan amount very soon, and he is very sure about it.With a great spirit of never giving up, he justified not bringing his wife along, by facts and figures which included accomodation costs, grocery costs etc. and said that he would prefer her spending this money on herself there rather than be wasted here in living together.His theory, but very innocent and true.When he exclaimed that only his presence was missing, rest he makes it sure that all her needs are catered of, was very touching. He believed that being the only son, he cant give up easily, and needs to equal up with the efforts of his father back home, in growing paddy and wheat.God forgiving that i felt he is, he set an example of satisfaction by proclaiming that god has given him all, but some struggles he needs to make and he will come out of all, successful.Great spirit and hats off to such attitude!!
And we crib about much pettier things in life, starting from a bad day at work to all sorts of weird things, Dont we?
So, whos the wiser winner, he or us? Probably we better know it in our hearts.

Look Back...

Lot of hovering around, now back to my space..:)
I have been surfing FB like mad, putting on statuses frequently, checking my gmail account time and again, for the umpteenth time. A kid at times, i seek assurances at points where at the same time,i find my ways out, alone, feeling more brave.Especially, now that i am out of the cosy, rosy comfort of a place you have been staying since long and trust the people for not misguiding you(with paths ofcourse..Lol), i feel a battle won everytime i get myself to discover a place, or a landmark, or be it the way to office. Small things mean a lot when you know what you put for them to be in place. Though subdued at times, i feel best when i am with the people who know me, where i can be real me, cracking jokes, laughing is a big hit all the time.And in the new place,becoming the giggling gag is not so easy..Lol... so its kind of difficult holding back at times when i feel i could have cracked a great PJ.. :)
Met two classmates today who are in the same office, they were almost the same as in college, chilled, talking nonsense just for the fun, the discussion abt bikes n all...I kept silent, the gap of so many years makes you feel strange meeting people you knew once...And a thought just crossed my mind...Am i the same as i was 2 years back? Lot of changes.But how could they manage the same attitude? I think you need to outgrow your attitude with time and places.Anyways, we discussed the general "whos where and doing what" stuff and after a while, i realised there had been a change.Change in way their lives are moving now, as of all around us..
Thats when i felt that all these things are transient- friends, people, fun,smiles.What is persistent is your desire to live, your desire to reach your satisfaction levels and the urge to find yourself....